December 4 (60)

”If you can dream it, you can do it.” Walt Disney

In my recovery I have finally been able to make a clear distinction between dreams and fantasies. The closest comparison I can make is between needs and wants. Dreams are about needs, about those basic things I require for a happy, healthy life. That means dreaming about love, financial stability, a good job, a secure relationship, travel – all these fall into the category of meeting a need. My fantasies are tied more closely to my wants and desires, usually in an attempt to find something outside of myself to make me feel better. Fantasies, as I am coming to comprehend them, are not meant to be realized. For it is when I take steps to bring a fantasy to fruition that I get into trouble. This is a sure sign of me trying to run my life my way and not being content with everything which has already been provided. I still think both have a place in my life. Dreams help me to set goals, to put realistic checkpoints in my future, to provide things for me to hope for and to aspire to achieve. Fantasies are a distraction, and should be treated more like entertainment, with the realization that I have to turn off the TV at some point in order to join and experience the real world around me.

Affirmation I will take back control over the subconscious thoughts that run through my head, and use them better to promote healthy thinking and goal-setting.

October 28 (97)

”Within our dreams and aspirations we find our opportunities.”” Sue Ebaugh

What a relief it has been to get to that point in my recovery where my head is not filled only with acting our fantasies. My life in active addiction was full of dreams of that nature, or none at all. When I had several months of sobriety, more regular dreams began appearing at night, and before long my slumber was filled with the active workings of my subconscious with more “normal” visions. My dreams are also a place where I re-enact events, or explore situations that might happen and have a chance to role-play my actions and reactions. It has been a useful place where my subconscious allows me to test out new behaviours, to explore new boundaries, and to be open to new ideas. It is truly a playground when my mental state is healthier. Having my dreams return is yet another sign of progress, another indication that I am regaining my wholeness. Having a better interaction with my subconscious allows me to explore even more new and exciting possibilities.

Affirmation Dreams are another place where I can seek opportunities for growth, may I be able to pay attention to those hidden ideas.

July 23

”Dream as if you’ll live forever. Live as if you’ll die today.” James Dean

Dreams and fantasies…for the longest time there was little, if no difference between these concepts in my life. My addict took control of both and subverted them into mechanisms to keep m compulsive and addictive cycle going. It was rare if any of these activities of my subconscious were healthy and positive influences in my life in my acting out days. As I ventured into recovery my addiction still tried to retain its grasp in these aspects of my life, and I, admittedly, was certainly reluctant, even afraid to even consider having healthy dreams or fantasies about my life. Even trying to consider where recovery might take me seemed like an impossible endeavour. Gradually as I become aware of my thoughts and feelings, began to live through my emotions and stresses rather than escaping, balance began to return to my subconscious as well. Whereas I had gone for months with very few dreams, if any at all, slowly my nights were filled with the ponderings of my unconscious mind and nothing was related to my acting out. As the promises of my local groups keep reminding me, degrading fantasies and obsessive sexual thinking have diminished. I can dream as if the future is limitless, and as for living as if I will die today – well I am at the very least living FOR today.

Affirmation I can look at how the program is helping to restore balance in my life, even in terms of things like dreams and fantasies where my addiction used to have free reign.