July 17

”Sex is emotion in motion.” Mae West

I am starting to question what sex, or the act of making love, means to me and how it might differ from my partner’s views. There are some obvious answers her, that it’s a means to procreate, it’s an act of intimacy and that it is a physical/emotional/psychological release of energy. But going to a deeper, but maybe simpler view – What purpose does it have in my relationships? So why do I have sex? Part of the answer is that it’s pleasurable, both for me and my partner. I enjoy giving and receiving pleasure, as I assume my partner does as well. It is a part of intimacy, which for me is about bringing two people closer together. It is an act of vulnerability and a place where we can connect in a deep and personal way with each other, in many different senses. It is sometimes part of reconciliation after a disagreement or argument. And even occasionally a reward or present as part of a special occasion like an anniversary or holiday event. This still doesn’t answer the whole picture of what it does though. It can build trust and strengthen my relationship. It is yet another aspect of my partner where I can learn likes and dislikes, and share my own. It can be a place to heal wounds from the past. It can also be a place of creativity and wonder. When I am in a good place, sex can be a healthy component of my life. It will enhance my connection to my partner and be part of our quality time together. It nurtures the physical, spiritual and emotional portions of our lives.

Affirmation

Sex is an essential part of being a couple, and it is something to be cherished, respected and appreciated.

March 3

”For a few hours we call night it seems to be gone, but it is still shiningly there and will reappear on the morrow. Storms may darken the sky at noonday, but the sun is still there and will soon break through.” Neal A. Maxwell

My current partner asked me recently how my sex life was now compared to when I was in my addiction. My first reaction was that it was like night and day. I reflected on this and began to see that my comparison was more accurate than I first imagined. Sex from my compulsive acting out is like looking around at night in the darkness. Colors were muted, details were lost, and things were but a shadow of their real form. This describes many of my sexual encounters that were shallow, with no deeper connection or meaning to them. Although my addict knew the true shape and substance of everything, what I experienced was but a ghostly image of what was really there. My healthier sexual relations today are much more like the daytime. Colors are vibrant, details are sharp and clear, and I am able to see and appreciate things for what they are. I am able to viewthe many nuances of life, and connect with all my senses to the world around me. All this has helped me discover a new level of intimacy that I can share with my special someone.

Affirmation I will embrace true intimacy and develop healthy sexual relationships as I learn to connect with all my senses.

September 10

”All the water in the world cannot drown you – unless it gets inside.” Mary Manin Boggs

Determining the sexual activities that I can keep in my life that are healthy has been a challenging endeavour. Working with my sponsor and filling out my circles has certainly helped to put things into perspective. All that groundwork has been useful in looking at sexual activities as I enter into a new relationship. I am able to recognize pitfalls and old behaviours, and be open and honest with my new partner. My sexual intimacy is deeper because of the knowledge and awareness I have gained through reading and internal reflection over the past months. It no longer has a stranglehold grip on my life, the compulsion has greatly diminished. I am able to let my partner set the tone and pace. I am able to set my own boundaries and respect those of my partner. This part of my life is being reintegrated in the whole me, rather than being the predominant aspect of my double life. I never expected to be able to experience a healthy sexual relationship again, not with myself and certainly not with someone else. The miracle of being where I am today has not escaped me and I am grateful to SAA for having guided me back to my Higher Power and this new life.

Affirmation I will find a healthy sexuality and be able to express it and share it with someone else.