April 6

”Talent is God given. Be humble. Fame is man-given. Be grateful. Conceit is self-given. Be careful.” John Wooden

The Steps are teaching me humility. Where I used to think my exploits were something extraordinary, something I could brag about, or even be proud of, today I see them in a different light. Having found out that I am not quite so unique, that there are others with similar talents, has humbled me. However, more humbling have been the tales of those who have hit bottom because of their addiction, and the steps needed to rise from that dark pit. Thank you God for the humility to recognize how to use my talents. I have had fleeting moments of fame and recognition. In hindsight I attributed my successes to my own efforts, often without gratitude for those who had supported me, and certainly did not recognize my Higher Power’s role. Thank you God for whatever recognition you allow me to receive, I am grateful for it. I have succumbed to the sins of pride and conceit, of measuring myself against others and judging that I am better. This is a personal flaw, and is not a healthy stance for me to have. I recognize that I am as imperfect as everyone else in the world, and do not need to rank myself among my fellow human beings. I will be careful.

Affirmation

Humility and gratitude are great strengths of character that I will promote, to better myself, and to avoid pitfalls like conceit and jealousy.

July 1

”Vanity and pride are different things, though the words are often used synonymously. A person may be proud without being vain. Pride relates more to our opinion of ourselves; vanity, to what we would have others think of us.” Jane Austen

National holidays can be a time for reflection on pride. I am a proud citizen of the country that I live in, even though it is a result of a decision by my parents and not anything of my own doing. Yet I still feel proud to be an active member of my environment. I feel that I contribute more to my community and society than I take, and that in general I reflect the values and beliefs of those around me. I am also regaining my self-pride. Spending more time being true to myself and no longer leading a double-life is something I deserve to be proud of achieving. I think honestly that my pride is humble, that I have taken this road of recovery for myself and not for the recognition of others that I am changing. I am certainly not going through the painful experience of getting to know myself to please somebody else. It can still be challenging to experience satisfaction in a job well done, especially in looking at how my life is better in sobriety. There are still those small whispers that tell me I don’t deserve things to be good because of how poorly I behaved in the past. Yet those are remnants of my addiction, still seeking to sabotage the healthier choices I am making today. And I can certainly be proud of having gained an ability to ignore those thoughts that will lead me back into the insanity and chaos.

Affirmation I will accept myself for who I am, and I am allowed to celebrate my accomplishments and take pride in the person I am becoming.