July 1

”Vanity and pride are different things, though the words are often used synonymously. A person may be proud without being vain. Pride relates more to our opinion of ourselves; vanity, to what we would have others think of us.” Jane Austen

National holidays can be a time for reflection on pride. I am a proud citizen of the country that I live in, even though it is a result of a decision by my parents and not anything of my own doing. Yet I still feel proud to be an active member of my environment. I feel that I contribute more to my community and society than I take, and that in general I reflect the values and beliefs of those around me. I am also regaining my self-pride. Spending more time being true to myself and no longer leading a double-life is something I deserve to be proud of achieving. I think honestly that my pride is humble, that I have taken this road of recovery for myself and not for the recognition of others that I am changing. I am certainly not going through the painful experience of getting to know myself to please somebody else. It can still be challenging to experience satisfaction in a job well done, especially in looking at how my life is better in sobriety. There are still those small whispers that tell me I don’t deserve things to be good because of how poorly I behaved in the past. Yet those are remnants of my addiction, still seeking to sabotage the healthier choices I am making today. And I can certainly be proud of having gained an ability to ignore those thoughts that will lead me back into the insanity and chaos.

Affirmation I will accept myself for who I am, and I am allowed to celebrate my accomplishments and take pride in the person I am becoming.