December 28

”Just because fate doesn't deal you the right cards, it doesn't mean you should give up. It just means you have to play the cards you get to their maximum potential.” Les Brown

Surrendering does not mean giving up. The Steps are teaching me that surrendering my will to that of the God of my understanding is about giving up on my ways which are not working and opening myself up to the guidance and direction of my Spiritual Source which knows better than me the path I should be taking. The only way for me to discover that road is to stop, to ask for direction through prayer or conscious contact with my Higher Power, and then listening through meditation and looking for the signs of the way to proceed. There is a heavy focus on accepting the hand that life has dealt me and looking to make the best of the situations that I find myself in. There is only so much I can do and only so much influence that I can exert at any given time. I have to trust in my abilities but also keeping in mind that I want to actively seek to do God’s will and not my own. If I am consciously seeking Him then I will go right more often than I go wrong. I will always be human, and I’m not always going to do things the right way, or let my ego get the better of me and be selfish from time to time. This is a process, a path of seeking progress and not perfection. The more I am consciously looking for the guidance of my Source the easier it becomes. And my life goes in a better, healthier direction as a result. I know my Higher Power never bluffs, so I will continue along faithfully following His way.

Affirmation

I have confidence that I can deal with whatever hand is dealt to me as long as I remember to seek the will of my Higher Power.

July 24

”All glory comes from daring to begin.” Eugene F. Ware

Sometimes my glory in recovery comes from daring to begin, to take a new step, to use a tool, or to reach out. Other times my success comes by daring to wait and postpone, to acknowledge a trigger or the pull of my addiction and hold off taking any action that would lead me toward my middle or inner circle. It still amazes me that I have gained this ability, the simplistic capacity to put aside my obsession for 5 minutes or a few hours. I still recall all too well the years where I scarcely thought of anything but sex. It’s no small wonder the guidance of the program is laid out for us in steps. I couldn’t have seen tackling my issues any other way than one step at a time. It has felt less daunting and more achievable knowing that there is a method of concrete pieces that can lead me to serenity. My life used to be focused on instant gratification. Sex was the predominant subject, but through introspection I know that many other aspects of my life sought to have m needs filled right now, the way I wanted it done. Recovery is about delaying satisfaction, about focusing on others, and certainly about learning to put the will of my Higher Power before my own ambitions. All this and more has come from my daring to say for the first time, Hi my name is Scott, and I am a sex addict.

Affirmation In many small ways my recovery will show me new ways to live, new ways to handle life events, and different avenues to act and feel.