May 15

”A closed mouth gathers no foot." Chinese Proverb

Sometimes I just need to learn to keep my mouth shut. There are many situations where the wisest thing to do is simply listen. I still remember my parents telling me that I had two ears and only one mouth, so I was supposed to listen twice as much as I talked. I don’t always follow that advice. Listening goes further that using my ears. It also means giving my attention to the person who is speaking. It means not taking that time thinking about what I want to say as soon as there is an opening. Rather it is about really hearing what is said and striving to understand the message that is being relayed. My interjections, if any, should be to seek clarification or to paraphrase what I have heard to verify that I received the message properly. My mouth works faster than my brain all too often, and then I end up sucking on my toes. In building my relationships it’s important for me to take the time to consider what I am saying, and how it is going to be delivered. I know that my tone of voice and body language also have a big impact on what I tell someone. When it’s important, then the whole package needs to be there. A few extra seconds can make the difference between a conversation and an argument. And if I still foul things up? Well, hopefully there’s time for apologies and amends too.

Affirmation

Communication is a huge part of my relationships. I will focus on listening well today, put the needs of others before my own to practice my active listening skills.

November 13

”When you listen to somebody else, whether you like it or not, what they say becomes part of you.” David Bohm

It’s actually a relief to feel like I am a product of other people and that my interactions with others have helped me to become the person that I am today. If I look back over my years in my addiction, I wanted nothing to do with anyone else unless it was supporting my bad habits in some way. I was really only a product of my selfish desire at that point, and I certainly was not interested in taking on bits of other people. And I am quite certain that I wasn’t doing a whole lot of listening either. Life today is more wholesome. I realize that there are many aspects to who I am as an individual. I know that there are many people, places and things that influence who I am and that can alter my course, positively or negatively. I also know that I don’t have all the answers. Never did, and likely never will. So reaching out for help was a big step. Admitting that I couldn’t do it all on my own and that I needed, heck even wanted, someone else to get me through this was significant. Like the third step, this was mostly about willingness. Being humble enough to realize that without others supporting me, I was not going to change and stay on the right path. Thankfully I have been able to stick with this decision, and know that I have gained a great deal from all those I have met along the way.

Affirmation I am unique, not just simply because of how I was created, but also because of all my experiences and connections with all the people who have crossed my path.

October 22

”Success is not a destination, it’s a journey.” Zig Ziglar

One of my personal triggers is travel. Being away from the familiar increases my stress because I feel less secure, more uncomfortable, and do not relish being alone. It is that fear of being along that comes out the strongest. I think that is from years of my acting out where all that activity kept me from spending quiet moments with myself where I could hear my internal thoughts which would have led to me seeing the conflict my actions were creating. I had to keep busy, keep making noise, so that those thoughts of wrongness would not escape the chaos and register in my head. Life is indeed a journey. I cannot go back to those earlier years and take the time to slow down and listen to the turmoil I was creating and choose to instead listen. I can choose, however, to listen to those thoughts and feelings now, to recognize the moments of discomfort when life feels incongruous. These are times where I need to pay closer attention and check if my thoughts, words and actions are aligned.

Affirmation In denying parts of myself, in avoiding listening fully to how I feel, I cut out important parts of my being. I will find time today to sit quietly and pay attention to my inner monologue.