July 7

”Maybe there's more we all could have done, but we just have to let the guilt remind us to do better next time.” Veronice Roth

I am redeemed. I am remade. I am worthy. I matter. I deserve goodness and to be happy. These are the small things that my Higher Power, through His grace, has given me and that I now hold in my possession. Not because I deserve them, not because I have asked for forgiveness, and not because I have made amends. I have all these gifts because I believe that He made me in His image, and that He gave His son to the world for all of our sins. My views of perfection are changing. I want to be more like the God of my understanding, more selfless, fuller of unconditional love, and certainly more humble. I am learning the power to give, to forgive, and to surrender. I am starting to walk more like a child of God. I no longer struggle as much to live by my own will and for my own desire. When I find myself faced with a tough decision, I am more likely to pray for the wisdom to find the path my Higher Power has lain before me. When I feel overwhelmed, I get on my knees and surrender, turning the situation over to His care. I am acutely aware that He can do things for me that I cannot do on my own. And I am happy be of service.

Affirmation I will seek to serve today rather make demands; to follow rather than lead, to surrender rather than fight. It is the will of my Higher Power that keeps me sane.

January 23

”The bravest thing you can do when you are not brave is to profess courage and act accordingly.” Corra Harris

God grant me...the courage to change the things I can. I continue to be amazed by the power and wisdom in that simple phrase. Somebody somewhere had a lot of insight to distil all the meaning that those few words imply. As I move through my journey of recovery and face change on a daily basis I am constantly reminded of how challenging it can be to do things differently. I know for a fact that I cannot do this on my own and that it is only by God’s grace, by His gift of courage that I can find sufficient bravery to step into the unknown time and time again. This is one of my biggest hurdles in my program, forcing myself a most every opportunity to stop doing what is comfortable, what I have grown accustomed to, and to try something completely different. I have more than enough experience and proof that my old ways, while they sufficed to some degree, have a list of side-effects that are way more detrimental than I can afford. My Higher Power is my new medicine and promises to restore me to sanity if I but surrender and trust in the process of the 12 Steps.

Affirmation Let me pray for courage, strength, love and patience today in case my own reserves are not enough. With my Higher Power’s help I can overcome any obstacles in my way.

November 27 (67)

”The self is not something that one finds. It is something that one creates.” Thomas Szasz

I have had a similar realization in my own recovery. I feel that I am blessed in having lived through my addiction and having faced the worst and darkest parts of myself. Today in recovery I have the opportunity, offered by the grace of God, to choose how I want to live, the kind of person I want to be. It is less about becoming someone new or finding my true self as it is simply in choosing the parts of my life that lift me up, that lead me in following the path that my Higher Power has lain before me, that support my values, beliefs and ethics. My journey of recovery is about recreating the person I want to be, discarding my defects of character with the help of the God of my understanding, seeking forgiveness and making amends – changing the ways I used to live for better ones. I am growing spiritually and emotionally and finding serenity in my recovery. Each day I have the choice to decide who I want to be, the old me that lived under the influence of my sex addiction, or the new me who lives in recovery under the influence of my Higher Power. One is a life of stagnation and repetition, the other of hope and creation. Which will I choose?

Affirmation Each day holds a new choice, a new chance to be the individual I was meant to be, filled with goodness and infinite potential.

June 22

”I will permit no man to narrow and degrade my soul by making me hate him.” Booker T. Washington

I have always considered myself a forgiving person. I rarely take sides or hold something against someone. There have been a few people whom I have had difficulty with for long periods of time, and my only reason to hold onto my anger and frustration was because of a lack of my understanding of what I had done to cause the other person to continually mistreat me. Those are the situations which have been the hardest for me to let go of. I have surprised myself in my recovery, having had some very emotional and trying events to cope with. Infidelity, unwanted pregnancy, my spouse falling in love with someone else, separation…I have face these without hating my partner or the other people involved. I have even been able to forgive and I can do this more readily knowing that I have a better grasp on what forgiveness means. It does not mean that I condone another’s actions, but it allows me to take back my power and keep the past from continually damaging my serenity. I am learning that I do not want to be pulled down to the level of others…loving my enemies through the grace of God makes me stronger and keeps me on the right path.

Affirmation I will find freedom and strength in forgiveness. Taking back my power will help me along my path of recovery.