November 13

”Never ignore a person who loves you, cares for you, and misses you. Because one day, you might wake up from your sleep and realize that you lost the moon while counting the stars.” Nico Lang

This evokes a strong reminder about some of my defects of character. Not to be stereotypical, but being a male and having been raised to believe that my emotions were not meant to felt, shared or expressed had some obvious effects on my emotional maturity. One of which has been that my coping mechanism has been to isolate, avoid and escape not only my feelings, but those of others. This has certainly created challenges in many of my relationships. This is a growth area for me, one place where I need to recognize when I am withdrawing from the world and leading me to realize when I need to just be in the moment to experience my own feelings or to be there to support a friend or loved one in the midst of their own emotionally-charged situation. I have lost many relationships due to this lack of empathy and it’s a mistake I would rather not repeat. There are many losses from my past that I may never rectify and relationships where the bridges may not be mended. I am working to maintain those relationships I have today which are important, nurturing and genuine to keep them around and to improve my relationship skills. Yet another place where my goal is progress and not perfection.

Affirmation

I will be open to recognizing those moments that make me uncomfortable, with myself or others, examine my emotions and take steps not to run away and to be there to support my own recovery and the lives of those who matter to me.

March 2

”Trust yourself. If you don’t learn to trust yourself, you will never be happy. You’ll always be deferring your authority to someone or something outside of you.” Paul Selig

One member’s introduction made a big impression on me and served as a reminder of the fact that I often go to a meeting to share the things I don’t want to say. Recently this message took on a new meaning as I began to look more at my actions, primarily as part of my work on Step 10. What I have discovered is not only that I need to share the things I don’t want to talk about or prefer to keep a secret, but that I also need to apply this to what I do. I have many choices in my day of what needs to get done  or what I should be doing, and I have recognized that I often shy away from the things I don’t want do. Just like I need to share the things I would rather not bring out into the open, I am realizing that the things I don’t want to do are what I should be doing. Most often they are related to my recovery and taking better care of myself. I was too used to shirking my responsibilities during my active addiction, of finding everything I could do other than what really needed to be done, so this is another area where I need to work and develop better habits.

Affirmation I will prayer for the strength and courage to do the things that I would rather not today. The challenge they present is a block I need to overcome to grow.