April 25

"You don't always need a plan. Sometimes you just need to breathe, trust, let go, and see what happens.” Mandy Hale

I tend to be an organized person, I like to have a plan, to know where I am going and what I intend to do. I am often disrupted by changes, avoid spontaneity, and dislike surprises. I was certainly more rigid in these respects before discovering the 12 Steps. These qualities have their usefulness, but as I have learned in retrospect, can also become obstacles. Trying to plan everything is akin to trying to control everything. My recovery has certainly enlightened me in the fact that I do not, and cannot, control most things. Which leads to the second half of the quote, letting go and see what happens. I'll admit that this often feels foreign to me. But I know that it is also putting my faith into action - my faith in the process of my program of recovery, faith in the will of my Higher Power, trust in the people around me who support me. As the saying goes, faith without works means nothing. I am learning to trust that my faith is sufficient, that the God of my understanding is more than enough to lean on to make it through whatever comes my way.

Affirmation

I will exercise my faith today by letting go, and trusting in the plan of my Higher Power for me.

May 31

”The most efficient way to live reasonably is every morning to make a plan of one's day and every night to examine the results obtained.” Alexis Carrel

Daily reflection is an important part of my day. I try to do it in two steps. The first part is when I wake up, to look at what I want to accomplish the day. It also includes asking my Higher Power to be receptive to His will for me during the day, to have the tools I need to do His works. It’s also a reflection on my visualization wall, a reminder of my longer term goals and aspirations. This also includes some affirmations and positive thoughts and quotations to set my attitude on a good path. The second part is the wrap-up at the end of the day. Either during my shower, as I lay in bed relaxing before falling asleep, or sometimes as I enjoy some time in the hot tub, I look back over the course of the day. It’s a chance to see what I have done, things that I can improve on, and time to lay out at least a few items for the next day. I can celebrate my accomplishments, as well as give thanks for the blessings I received throughout the day. This is my ongoing Step 10 work, to keep a daily inventory. It’s part of me working on my awareness, forgiving and seeking amends as I make mistakes, and working at not letting things build and turn into resentments, shame and guilt. This is part of my healthier routine and it is a big component in helping to maintain my sobriety.

Affirmation

The steps are the basis of my program of recovery, and it’s important for me to work as many of them as I can into my day-today living.

February 13

”People with clear, written goals, accomplish far more in a shorter period of time than people without them could ever imagine.” Brian Tracy

Goal-setting has been a challenge in recovery. I find myself at odds in trying to both live in the present and sit down to set goals that make me look to the future. Looking to set healthy goals is a new perspective, and one that’s still a bit unfamiliar. My future used to only be filled with planning for my next bout of acting out. Trying to determine what healthy goals are wasn’t that easy in the beginning. I had to rely on others around me to get their feedback before trusting that I was making good plans. Gradually, I gained confidence in my own skills to make good choices and set good targets that supported my recovery. One thing that certainly has helped is the simple act of writing out my goals. This is in part because it takes me longer to describe the goal, which makes it more real and gives it more importance. It also makes me think more about it, and can help plan steps to achieving it. The whole process enables me to envision realizing these tasks even more when I include those close to me.

Affirmation I will gradually be able to set goals with support and by taking the time to think them through and put them on paper.

September 26

”It takes a long time to bring excellence to maturity.” Publilius Syrus

It’s a funny way to think about it, but in my own way I perfected being an addict. Getting all my rituals down to a science, planning what to do, what to say, or how to manipulate to get time alone. Things that used to take hours of planning and preparation could take place in a matter of minutes. Wow! Here is a place that in my recovery I can find positives from negatives. All those skills of planning and preparation are useful for my day-to-day life. What an opportunity to put them to better use! It’s hard acknowledging that I have abused myself throughout this process. Skills and abilities meant to help nurture me and grow were twisted to isolate and stunt my maturity. Recovery is in part about finding the healthy ways to use the natural talents that my Higher Power gave to me to have a positive influence on my life and the world around me. I know well that one of mine is writing…the continuing pages of my meditations are a constant reminder and so much healthier than the sexual fantasies I used to write. My path to emotional and spiritual maturity continues. There are constant roadblocks and challenges, but I have faith in the God of my understanding and in the tools He has given me to overcome them, One Day at a Time.

Affirmation By the will of my Higher Power, I can turn anything around, and find better ways to use my skills to promote living in the present.