August 16

July 16

”You are the only person on earth who can use your ability.” Zig Ziglar

There are days when I have to remind myself that I am unique. It’s easy for me to fall into the trap of feeling like just another person in society, following the same rules, and forgetting all the things that make me who I am. But the truth is that there is no one else out there like me. My experiences are mine and mine alone. No one else has the same set of strengths and weakness that I do. No one else looks exactly like me, speaks like me, works like me or thinks like me. I am the only and only me. So then it follows that my Higher Power gave me what I have. I am the only one who can work with those tools, abilities and skills. Others might be able to see them and try to bring them to bear in certain circumstances like work, on a sports team or in a community group. But it still comes down to me putting them into action. And I waste those talents when I choose not to put them to use. So it’s true that I, as a member of the human race, have a responsibility to be of service. How else can I share my knowledge, experience and skills with others? The 12 Steps and 12 Traditions promote a life of service. While my recovery is a selfish pursuit, focused on bettering myself, the end result is that I am a healthier and more responsible citizen who can share the best of myself with the world around me. That is a worthy endeavour and something I strive to do each day. How can I be of service to others today?

Affirmation

In improving my own state of coping with the world, I will become better able to give back and be of service to others.

April 13

”Comfort and prosperity have never enriched the world as adversity has done. Out of pain and problems have come the sweetest songs, the most poignant poems, the most gripping stories. Out of suffering and tears have come the greatest spirits and the most blessed lives.” Billy Graham

It’s true that nothing drives change more than pain and suffering. I’m realizing now that’s always been the case for me, but it is also where the talents given to me work the best to get me through it. I wish I had put the two together sooner, I might have suffered less. It’s my talent of writing that is my God-send to help me through those difficult times. It started in my teens, and while I was going through that awkward journey to adulthood, I wrote many poems during my times of sadness, depression, rejection and loss. I am only realizing now that was a healthy way for me to cope, and it was something I took for granted. It is those same skills that have been the foundation for my work these past years. Putting my thoughts to paper, allowing my self-conscious and the will of my Higher Power to guide me, has started to bring forth wisdom in my moments of clarity. But all these comes from the foundation of darkness I had to go through first in order to need to work my way back towards the light.

Affirmation

I acknowledge that it is through pain and suffering I am prepared to experience the better things that will follow, and to appreciate them all the more. I will look to my talents to help me navigate the stormy waters.

April 6

”Talent is God given. Be humble. Fame is man-given. Be grateful. Conceit is self-given. Be careful.” John Wooden

The Steps are teaching me humility. Where I used to think my exploits were something extraordinary, something I could brag about, or even be proud of, today I see them in a different light. Having found out that I am not quite so unique, that there are others with similar talents, has humbled me. However, more humbling have been the tales of those who have hit bottom because of their addiction, and the steps needed to rise from that dark pit. Thank you God for the humility to recognize how to use my talents. I have had fleeting moments of fame and recognition. In hindsight I attributed my successes to my own efforts, often without gratitude for those who had supported me, and certainly did not recognize my Higher Power’s role. Thank you God for whatever recognition you allow me to receive, I am grateful for it. I have succumbed to the sins of pride and conceit, of measuring myself against others and judging that I am better. This is a personal flaw, and is not a healthy stance for me to have. I recognize that I am as imperfect as everyone else in the world, and do not need to rank myself among my fellow human beings. I will be careful.

Affirmation

Humility and gratitude are great strengths of character that I will promote, to better myself, and to avoid pitfalls like conceit and jealousy.

March 29

”Having talent is like having blue eyes. You don't admire a man for the colour of his eyes. I admire a man for what he does with his talent.” Michael Caine

I’m firm believer in the fact that I was put here for a purpose. I have faith that my Higher Power not only created me for a reason, but that I was given the talents necessary to realize that goal as well. So therefore I have an obligation to discover what my talents are, to practice and strengthen them, and most importantly, use them so that they will be shared with the world. This page, like those before it and those I expect to follow, is part of the sharing of my talents. My writing I know is an extension of my connection to the God of my understanding. It is my own wisdom shared for others to find and take into their own lives. I know that it has been my own words staring back at me that have reminded me of a message I truly needed to hear. That kind of evidence of a Higher Power is hard to ignore. I also see that evidence of a talent shared is something that draws me to other people. I am less interested in those who have great appearances than I am towards those making an honest effort to exploit their talents for the betterment of others. These are the kinds of people I want to surround myself with, who I know will be there for me no matter what, and who have a better appreciation of what it means to truly live.

Affirmation Step 12 tells me to seek to give back to the program, and to the world, the gift of recovery so that others may also share in its success, and my talents will help to do so.

September 26

”It takes a long time to bring excellence to maturity.” Publilius Syrus

It’s a funny way to think about it, but in my own way I perfected being an addict. Getting all my rituals down to a science, planning what to do, what to say, or how to manipulate to get time alone. Things that used to take hours of planning and preparation could take place in a matter of minutes. Wow! Here is a place that in my recovery I can find positives from negatives. All those skills of planning and preparation are useful for my day-to-day life. What an opportunity to put them to better use! It’s hard acknowledging that I have abused myself throughout this process. Skills and abilities meant to help nurture me and grow were twisted to isolate and stunt my maturity. Recovery is in part about finding the healthy ways to use the natural talents that my Higher Power gave to me to have a positive influence on my life and the world around me. I know well that one of mine is writing…the continuing pages of my meditations are a constant reminder and so much healthier than the sexual fantasies I used to write. My path to emotional and spiritual maturity continues. There are constant roadblocks and challenges, but I have faith in the God of my understanding and in the tools He has given me to overcome them, One Day at a Time.

Affirmation By the will of my Higher Power, I can turn anything around, and find better ways to use my skills to promote living in the present.

July 9

”There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.” Edith Wharton

I think for most of my life, since it has been coupled with my addiction, I have never truly felt like I have genuinely had much to offer the world. I know I can think of brief instances where I did, but more often than not I would not have considered myself as a light in the world. Nor for that matter would I have said that I reflected light either. If anything, I probably felt more like 2-way glass, a nice shiny outside that was my public face, but on the other side it was dark, my hidden addictive self that was consciously concealed. From my addictive state I could see through the glass to the nice shiny world, but it felt phone to live in that place with all the dark secrets that caused me guilt and shame. Nowadays I am discovering my self-worth. Knowing that I am a good person, that I have things to offer, that I can contribute to the world around me lets me be a candle and spread a little light in my surroundings. I am also able to reflect the light I see in others, especially in the fellowship, and I am grateful that I am no longer peering out from the darkness behind that piece of 2-way glass.

Affirmation I will look for the good things I can share and be proud of my talents and the things I can offer to the world.