April 4

"The best way out is always through.” Robert Frost

Challenges seem to be ever-present. I am finding these past few days more difficult than usual, the thought of having to remain distant from friends and family for even more weeks than originally planned has cranked up my anxiety level. I am beginning to feel the effects of confinement, even though most of the weight in the walls of this prison are self-made through doubts and fears. Yet the effect is the same as if they were made of three metre thick cement walls. And so I turn back to my new methods of coping, of looking to focus on the things I can change, which always quickly boil down to me - my thoughts, words and actions. There is little else in my direct control, all the rest I need to leave in the hands of my Higher Power. So, what can I do to cope? I am praying and meditating on a daily basis, having no excuse for a lack of time or other priorities. I am staying connected to friends and family, through virtual means, but keeping in touch nonetheless. I am trying to accomplish some task or part of a bigger task every day. I am eating well, trying to get some exercise, go for a walk with my dogs, have some quality time with my wife. This is what works for me to get through. And tomorrow will be more of the same - lather, rinse, repeat.

Affirmation

Difficult times may lay before me today, but I am confident that I have the tools and skills to work my way through them.

April 17

”Perseverance is a great element of success. If you only knock long enough at the gate, you are sure to wake up somebody.” Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

There are things that happen in my day or week that I don’t enjoy or look forward to. Bad news, a last minute change, or other unexpected event can shake up my routine, at home and at work. This is a part of life, one of the limitless things I can’t control, and this is simply reality. My choice in how to act in these situations is usually the extent of what I am able to control. The best defense I have to working through times like this is consistency. It’s my perseverance in making my program a priority that will help me to cope better. It has felt frustrating at times to feel as though I am trying so hard in recovery, to have hard times continue to fall on me, and wonder why I keep trying. I need to accept that the world isn’t going to pause until I am strong enough to face everything and fully recovered. Life is a struggle. Some days are pretty easy. Many aren’t. Expecting that the path of recovery will be paved in rose petals isn’t necessarily a realistic view. Or maybe it is, if I add all the thorns that are lining the edges of the road that can tangle me up. As long as I continue to work my steps, I know I can make it through anything that comes my way, without adding even more problems into the mix. I will make it to the gate of success.

Affirmation

The slogan “Keep on keeping on” is one for me to recall today when life seems to be working against me. I will keep focused on doing the best things for me and my recovery.

March 30

”All that a man achieves and all that he fails to achieve is the direct result of his own thoughts.” James Allen

Responsibility is a personal trait, something that can come from no one else. I’ve spent too many years believing that others can give me responsibility but this is a false idea. Responsibility is something I must take, something I have to make my own. My fears of responsibility, of not deserving to having it or to have more, are my own business. They transform into excuses of why others have not given me what I think I deserve, or feed my efforts to put myself down, to not believe in myself. Sometimes, I am not as ready for the responsibility I want as I think I am. Usually it’s more that something is holding me back. This is where getting to know myself better can help to build my confidence. Having the courage to explore what I am lacking, confronting the fears that hold me back like the possibility of more rejection or another strike at my poor self-esteem, are steps to prepare myself for the additional responsibility I am seeking. My achievements are mine. If I want them, I need to be the one to go after them. Having something simply handed to me because I think I should have it is not truly an achievement. I need to work and earn my successes. My true successes start from within, in my thoughts where I decide if I will reach my goals of if I will give up when it gets tough. That mental fortitude to go the distance, not matter the cost, is what will help me succeed. Those thoughts are no one’s responsibility but my own.

Affirmation Failure and success are part of life. My responsibility is to keep trying and continue pursuing my dreams.

November 8

”Suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.” Romans 5:3-4

My recovery has certainly been about building character. I have done a pretty good job at destroying a lot of the good things in my life. The best gift my addiction has given me has been the suffering, the depths of despair that have driven me to want to change my ways, to seek to have a better life. Having hit bottom has pushed me to preserve, to continue work at my recovery because I know what the alternative is. I fear going back into my addiction, in picking up where I left off, as I know that path leads to my eventual destruction. So this is now motivation for me to pursue the 12 Steps at all costs, because the price of failure is no longer acceptable. But my recovery is not based in fear, even if that is a motivating force. My recovery is based in hope, in the experience and strength that I see in other members at meetings, and even occasionally recognize in myself. I know my character is being rebuilt, and that my suffering and perseverance are propelling me into a closer relationship with my Higher Power.

Affirmation I accept that recovery will expose me to increased suffering, but that this is part of the cycle for me to grow stronger and closer to God.

September 2

”I have learned from experience that the greater part of happiness or misery depends on our own dispositions and not on our circumstances.” Martha Washington

One piece of advice that helps me on the days when I just don’t feel like being happy is to “fake it ‘til you make it.” Forcing a smile onto my face, saying “Hello” when I would rather say nothing and trying to put some spring in my step can go a long way to improving my disposition. My attitude really has a big impact on how my day unfolds, the choices I am more likely to make, and how much I feel I have accomplished. I don’t always want to pick up my daily meditation book. I don’t necessarily feel like journaling, calling a friend, or going to a meeting. Yet I need to keep pushing myself to do those outer circle things to continue integrating them into my new routine and making them part of the new me. I have been through more emotionally challenging situations since I began recovery than I ever faced while I was in active addiction. Yet my attitude, the tools and support I have gained have helped me to cope in new ways and to not step back into my former behaviours. It hasn’t always been obvious or easy but each tough situation has strengthened my resolve. I am learning that I no longer need to act out like I used to in order to cope with life.

Affirmation My circumstances are often beyond my control, but how I choose to face them, how I react or act are tied to my attitude. Let me be positive today.