March 21

”One of the marks of excellent people is that they never compare themselves with others. They only compare themselves with themselves and with their past accomplishments and future potential.” Brian Tracy

Comparing myself to others was a tool used by my addict. It was the self-measuring stick that showed my deficiencies, how I was never as smart, good-looking, athletic, etc. as someone or everyone else. It has never served any good purpose in my life in helping me strive to be better, to perform better, or to work harder. Comparison is also a defect in my recovery. When I listen to others share their experience, their accomplishments, if I feel a tang of jealousy for in hearing their story, then this is a warning sign. The jealousy comes, not because I think I deserve to reach the same goal of sobriety or whatever the situation entails, but because it’s easier to blame someone else than admit that maybe I am not working hard enough for my own recovery. My recovery process is my own, because my trail of addiction is also my own. It’s not the same as anyone else’s, so trying to compare is a waste of time. Comparing to my own story, however, is a good guide in seeing how well I am doing against my past behaviours, to see how much or little things are really changing. The best guide to see is looking at how much better I am surrendering to my Higher Power’s will, as opposed to still following my own.

Affirmation When I compare myself to someone else, it is a reflection of where I have a shortcoming. I will be aware and turn this thought inwards to drive change rather than envy.

October 21

”What makes the pain we feel from shame and jealousy so cutting is that vanity can give us no assistance in bearing them.” Francois de La Rochefoucauld

Shame, jealousy, guilt – these are feelings that work against my sense of pride, accomplishment and self-worth. They are not character aspects I can flaunt to make myself feel good, to show that I am better than someone else. Rather they deflate me, and turn me away from others. Yet there is a healthy way to deal with these negative emotions. Rather than burying them, or trying to run away, I can speak about them and share them with those who support me. In bringing them out into the open, I expose them for what they are, but also start to give up the power and control they have over me. It is letting them go that I can move away from their influence. Shame, jealousy, guilt – yes there are times when things I or others do bring about these feelings. But like all emotions, these are just a warning sign to recognize what is happening. I don’t need to react as a result, but I can sit with the feeling, explore the root cause, and choose to acknowledge where I am but still move forward. I need not fall into despair, depression or isolation. There is another way to go, and I need to be honest and talk with someone about where I am.

Affirmation I will not be afraid of my feelings of shame, guilt or jealousy today. If I find myself confronted by them, I will choose to share them with someone who supports me.