November 10 (84)

”The three great essentials to achieving anything worthwhile are; first, hard-work, second stick-to-it-iveness, and third, common sense.” Thomas A. Edison

My recovery is a gift, but only continues to be one so long as I work at it. It’s not something that will simply be handed to me on a silver platter because I ask for it. It will take dedication, hard work, and blood, sweat and tears to continue to have recovery. Like most things in life that are truly worth something, my sobriety works only when I work it. And it’s similar to any good relationship in that it takes a degree of constant attention to be kept in a good place. If I neglect it things will deteriorate, if I keep at it then things will stay more or less the same, and when I put a lot of focus on it things tend to improve. The great thing that I enjoy about the program as I know it is that nothing in it is complicated. The Steps are based on the simple and practical. Although they can seem daunting and unachievable at first, in working through them one at a time, in order, I think one finds they build upon one another, to support you in tackling the more challenging tasks. There is a fair bit of good common sense in this approach and lots of room for interpretation of how to implement the Steps in one’s own way.

Affirmation Recovery is not just something external to me, but a part of my new life. It needs to be that way to keep me sober.

October 26 (99)

”Success is the ability to go from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm.” Sir Winston Churchill

SAA has given me faith and hope that there is a better way ahead. It also gives me encouragement that all my failures can amount to something positive and have a healthy influence in my life. The sharing of other’s struggles, and their overcoming of seemingly incredible odds, helps me see that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Failure has always been a challenging topic, and often a trigger for my addict. It’s taken a lot of reprogramming to start seeing the positive side of failure. I know much better that I need not be afraid to fail. It means I am open to changing, taking risks, stepping out of the routine. The importance is to keep trying, to find the way things have worked well and to look at how to improve the weak spots. Life is about trying to do the right thing, making the tough choices, risking making mistakes and having faith in something greater than you, a master design. It’s about not losing myself along the journey, but a about finding myself.

Affirmation I must be willing to risk failure in order to make those choices that will lead me on the path to a better life.

September 18

”Go on working freely and furiously, and you will make progress.” Paul Gaugin

My recovery stops when I quit working my program. It may not feel like it right away, it make take hours or days, but eventually, if I am not doing those outer circle activities to maintain sobriety, the shadow of my addiction will constantly creep back into my life. It happens quite innocently, a stray glance or thought, the temptation to look at something or say something that is near the boundaries of my inner circle. Before I know it I can find myself obsessing, fantasizing or even acting out. The road to recovery is a life-long journey. My tools not only need to be with me each and every day, but I am required to use them as well. Progress has to be a continual working towards a better life. The steps are all part of my personal voyage towards living for the will of my Higher Power rather than my own. My addiction never gives up. As is often heard in the program, it is out in the parking lot doing push-ups, patiently waiting for the opportunity to jump back into the driver’s seat. My responsibility with my awareness is to remain vigilant and take away those opportunities. This is the freedom offered to me by the program.

Affirmation I commit to being in recovery today and that means using the tools I have learned to continue taking steps of progress.

August 30

”Being defeated is only a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.” Marilyn vos Savant

How easy it is for me to give up. It only takes a moment of doubt that I cannot do it, cannot go on any longer and before I know it my actions have followed suit. Defeat starts in my own head; it is not something that comes from an external source, from fate, God or any power greater than me. I am defeated when I choose to be. I am not trying to confuse this with losing. I can, and do, lose at many things. Or perhaps more positively worded, I do not always succeed. But I always have the option to try again. If it is something important enough, worthy for my journey in life, then I need to pick myself up, brush off the dirt, and take the next step. I can see in retrospect that it takes work to give up on many things. It is not usually a simple task to let something go. I need to make excuses, find reason to beat myself down as to why I won’t succeed, find someone or something to blame my failures on – all time and energy I could be using to try again. It is a little like learning that it takes more muscles to frown than to smile – and smiling always makes me feel better.

Affirmation Today I choose to smile, to dance in the rain, to be a light in the dark, and to keep on keeping on.

May 28

”Fall seven times, stand up eight.” Japanese Proverb

I have slipped and had relapses in my recovery. In those early days after I first admitted that I was a sex addict, the pull of my addictions was still strong and usually won in a contest of wills. What has made the difference is the fact that I have picked myself up out of the dirt after each fall. My persistence has paid off as I gradually accumulated longer periods of sobriety and the temptation to fall back on old behaviours began to diminish in kind. I am certain that I did not stand up of my own accord, at least fully, many of those first times. I felt accountable to my group pretty well from my first meeting. Over time I have gained accountability to my family, my Higher Power, and finally to myself. I no longer desire to be that person I had been in my addiction. I like the changes I have, and feel more and more that I am once again a whole person. I have gained strength and hope each time I have risen anew. My self-esteem and self-worth are improving as I take back my power of decision and move towards having my thoughts, actions and feelings working in harmony. Life has once again become worth living.

Affirmation If I slip or fall, the best thing I can do is pick myself up and find the courage to take that next step forward.

March 16

”Keep spiritually sound and be persistent. Persistence is the key. Just never stop believing in your dreams.” Deborah Aquila

30 days to make a new habit. 90 meetings in 90 days. My home group recommends that newcomers attend 6 meetings before deciding if the program is for them. Persistence it seems is something that SAA tries to teach us. For me persistence has a lot to do with learning to trust in the experience of others. My life in addiction was all about doing things my way. I know all too well where my own direction led me in my choices. In recovery I am now more committed to surrendering to the will of others, starting with my Higher Power. It’s hard to admit that I don’t always know what’s best for me especially in situations that relate to my addiction and past behaviour. I have lived sufficient examples to have seen that turning my will over to my Higher Power works. It’s accepting those things that I cannot change and letting them go, instead of foolhardily believing I have some power. I cannot change the weather any more than I can control another person. Instead I let go and put my energies towards changing what I can; myself. Things don’t always turn out the way I expect, but they usually end up the way they were meant to be.

Affirmation I recognize recovery is about learning new skills and habits. I need to keep trying until they become part of my routine.