May 10

”We cheerfully assume that in some mystic way love conquers all, that good outweighs evil in the just balances of the universe and that at the eleventh hour something gloriously triumphant will prevent the worst before it happens.” Brooks Atkinson

I do believe there is a certain balance in life, and that the disparity between right and wrong, good and evil, is part of how the world is structured. But I no longer think that there is a huge fight to figure out which side will win. All of this exists at the same time, good, evil, pain, sorrow, joy and sadness. Each has an equal part in the world, and in all human beings, me included. The path we take and the choices we make direct which parts of the universe we will focus on and share with the rest of the world. It’s by my own hand that I can make the world a better, more positive place, sharing joy and creativity with those I meet. Or, I can turn inward, and selfishly take from the world, seeking to meet my greed, and in kind leave the world a more bitter, lonely and miserable place for others. I have spent too much time blaming this, that, and the other thing for where I am in my life. Yet I am a product of my past, and the decisions I made along the way. I need to take responsibility for my part in getting to where I am today. I do have hope and faith for a better and brighter future, because, by the grace of my Higher Power, I am more aware of my personal impact. I have the power to make changes, to shape the world how I would like to see it each and every day. For those opportunities, I am eternally grateful.

Affirmation

God, grant me the courage today to make good changes in the world, to continue to strive making this planet a better place to live.

January 9

”There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so.” William Shakespeare

I am not certain that I am fully in agreement with the idea that how I think makes something bad or good. I do agree with the notion that most things simply are, and are not inherently good or bad. Yet on the other hand, I know from looking at my past behaviours that I could rationalize away all my “bad” behaviours but at the same time see fit to condemn the actions of others which were less severe. Perspective plays an important factor in determining between the two. I am moving away from the idea of good versus evil and more toward the realm of my will versus the will of my Higher Power. This, to me, in recovery, and life in general, is a more important and relevant distinction. As much as I think I am at the helm of my own ship, the stark reality is that I am in control of almost nothing. That power greater than myself graciously humors me with a brain to allow me to feel like I have some ability to navigate through life, yet under my own willpower I am bound to sink. It’s only through running up the white flag of surrender to His will that I can safely reach the shore.

Affirmation Good and bad are less crucial than looking to serve my Higher Power and to do his will. Being open to direction is the only way I can change.

February 19

”There is nothing good or evil save in the will.” Epictetus

It is normal for us as addicts to question if our past and present actions have been good or bad. However, it is important to keep in mind that our addiction is a disease, and mostly a disease of choice. Our dependence on our sexual behaviours compromises our ability to make the appropriate choices. Our sexual desire has become our primary instinct for survival, superseding our other basic needs for food, shelter and affection. The good news is that we can re-establish these priorities in our recovery. By working the steps of the program we can begin to re-adapt to our environment, to recognize our sexual cravings as unhealthy and find more appropriate responses to satisfy our needs and to cope with situations. We will be able to rediscover that we have the willpower to make choices other than the automated responses of our addictive behaviour. Regaining the power of choice grants us the ability to make better decisions for our recovery.

Affirmation I will make the best choices I can for today and I am ready to accept the consequences of my actions. I can trust in the support of my Higher Power and my group.