July 24

”All the beautiful sentiments in the world weigh less than a simple lovely action.” James Russell Lowell

Through my separation with my spouse one of the challenges has been not only staying connected physically, emotionally and spiritually, but also in reconnecting to those aspects which were damaged by my acting out. This has probably been most apparent in our intimate connections, communication, sharing of feelings and of course physical intimacy. I have never been a great communicator, especially when I need to share my feelings. I have always been better at writing things down in a letter or email…but it is less personal and can easily be misinterpreted. A new method I am trying is to still write down what I need to share, but to read it aloud, in person or over the phone, so I can get and give feedback. While living apart, physical intimacy has certainly been more difficult to incorporate into our relationship. Yet this time has helped me gain awareness of the things that I truly miss. In being absent I know all the little routine things that I find lacking like hugs, cuddling, back rubs, sitting together in front of the TV…and all the small idiosyncrasies that remind me of my spouse and why I cherish them.

Affirmation I believe that absence can make the heart grow fonder and I know my actions in treating my spouse with love and respect will speak volumes.

July 20

”The world is full of suffering. It is also full of the overcoming of it.” Helen Keller

It is a difficult thing for me to see someone I care about in pain or in a bad situation when I know I cannot rescue that person from their misery. It is a painful reminder of how those close to me may have felt for all the years I was in my own active addiction. There was nothing anyone could have said or done to have made me seek help; that moment had to wait until I was truly ready for change and a way out of my compulsive and destructive behaviour. I feel blessed each time I partake in a meeting as I always hear a bit of both sides; something about the addict who is still suffering along with the experience, strength and hope from those who are overcoming it. Often members, including myself, share both parts. I am grateful for this constant reminder that there is hope, that my despair can be transformed into faith, my sadness to joy, my shame and guilt to integrity and a renewed sense of self-worth. My eyes have been opened to the power of the program even though I am aware that a long road of recovery that lies before me. I no longer suffer alone, and on the same hand, I have found a common group of men and women who promote faith and hope that will help to see me through the darker times.

Affirmation Today I will recall my suffering and reflect on the hope I have discovered from within the fellowship.