October 1

”When the rock is hard, we get harder than the rock. When the job is tough, we get tougher than the job.” George Cullem, Sr.

Too much of my life has been spent looking for the easier way out. I guess that made me a prime target for becoming an addict. Although I only identify with one major category, my one vice that I turned to without fail to cope and survive, I know better that my addictive personality has a broader scope. I recognize now many other ways were I escaped, be it food, video games, volunteering – I was able to take other things to an extreme to deal with my emotions. Life has not gotten any easier in recovery. In fact, in most aspects it has gotten harder. Becoming responsible, facing the consequences of my actions, and taking life as it comes is hard work. Even harder without the ability to resort to my tried and true methods of handling stress. But in spite of the negative, I am aware that my life is more authentic. I am more real, honest and connected than I have been in years. The challenges are hard, but the feeling of overcoming them more than compensates for the difficulties. I have a renewed strength and drive to tackle the problems that come my way rather than cower and hide like I used to. Life is meant to be lived, not watched from the shadows.

Affirmation I have confidence in facing today’s challenges, knowing I can make it through with the support of my Higher Power.

September 14

”Be happy for this moment. This moment is your life.” Omar Khayyam

It never ceases to amaze me how often I get the urge to simply stop and be. To take deep breaths and taste life in the air around me, to truly look at the world around me and see it as though it is the first time, to hear the music and rhythm in all the sounds that surround me. It is wonderful to be alive, to be content with who I am, as I am, and knowing that my Higher Power accepts me just as I am. There is so much freedom and power in no longer having to be someone or something for others. I am who I am, good, bad, ugly, beautiful, happy, angry, sad, joyful, rich, or poor. The direction of my life comes from the God of my understanding, my serenity, love strength and courage come from within and I feel better equipped to deal with life. Right here, right now, this very instant is the only time I have to work with…it is tiny, minute, yet contains infinite potential. I have wasted too many moments in acting out, in regret for the past or worry for the future. Instead I will just be present, living in the now and try to harness the amazing power that lies within the grasp of each precious moment.

Affirmation Stop. Listen. Taste. Touch. Breathe. Look. Be. It’s great to be alive!

September 12

”If you can’t feed a hundred people, then just feed one.” Mother Theresa

I like to make an effort that has an easily measurable reward. Even better, is if there is enough effort to be worthy of recognition of others. Hmm, another character defect…seeking recognition for my efforts to feel validated by others, to let them define my sense of self-worth. This too is another place that can hold me back. So, I can’t go save a whole boatload of people, why should I bother helping someone cross the street? Oh I can’t afford a large donation to the local charity, so why drop a couple of dollars in the bucket for a good cause? Life is about what I can do and accepting it. So maybe for today I can only hold the door open for someone, smile at people as I greet them, or respect the speed limit and the rules of the road. My efforts most likely will go unnoticed by most of the world. So be it…but my Higher Power is watching. My authenticity today, being true to my values and beliefs, will give a reward later, when I least expect it. It is not about recognition from others anyways, it is about living with honesty and integrity. Being able to be comfortable in my own skin is worth more than any reward or compensation.

Affirmation I will be alright with what I can do today, for others and myself. Living to fulfill the will of my Higher Power will have its rewards in time.

August 24

”Be the change that you want to see in the world.” Mahatma Gandhi

This quote always reminds me of another anecdote about Gandhi. A mother goes to see him one day and asks Gandhi to tell her son to stop eating sugar. Gandhi tells the woman to come back in 2 weeks. When the woman returns, Gandhi looks at her son and tells him to stop eating sugar. The lady is a bit confused and asks Gandhi why he didn’t simply say this at the previous meeting. To which Gandhi replied, “Two weeks ago I was still eating sugar.” Wow! If only I had a fraction of that resolve and authenticity in my own life. I am trying to adopt this as my way of life. I now observe the speed limit, obey traffic signals, try to be more courteous – all things I would have previously ignored and disregarded because “everyone else does it.” I don’t want to be a blind follower any longer. My path is different now because I choose to make it so. I want to apply the same philosophy to the person I am becoming. I need to focus on the attitudes and behaviours that I want to have rather than relying on what used to be the norm. Changing habits is difficult and I am not always able to make the change right away. It takes patience, perseverance, and faith in my Higher Power that I will change.

Affirmation Change in my life starts with me. God grant me the strength and courage today to change what I can.

June 9

”The man who follows the crowd usually gets no further than the crowd. The man who walks alone is likely to find himself in places no one has ever been.” Alan Ashley-Pitt

It’s not easy to follow the path less travelled by…many people ask me why I am going the way I am, or simply don’t understand. It’s hard not to question why I am following the path that feels right by my own morals and values and by my Higher Power when so many people disagree. Yet I know deep down that I still believe in marriage after all the lies, hurt, infidelity and deceit. I have not lost hope; I still have the desire and the will to work to make it better. My life has changed and me along with it since I discovered the program. I am becoming a better person, better parent, and hope for the chance to show I am a better spouse. The person I was in the past is but a memory and I like the new me that greets me in the mirror each morning. The path I walk today is my own and has the goal of my living as my Higher Power intended. It is not about me doing whatever everyone else expects or can deal with. I have no regrets for the decisions I am taking because I truly feel that I am once again walking beside the God of my understanding rather than being carried.

Affirmation I will walk my own path today even if those around me are not in agreement. If it is the will of my Higher Power it will be alright.

March 17

”To give real service you must add something which cannot be bought or measured with money, and that is sincerity and integrity.” Donald A. Adams

To me there has always been a discernible difference between someone who is offering quality service and someone who is simply selling something. The former has a genuine desire to see the customer satisfied with what they leave with, whereas the latter only cares about themselves and normally their paycheck. SAA, like all other 12 Step programs, certainly falls into my conception of service. Our fellowship is concerned with the people involved; the focus of our meetings is helping the addict who still suffers. In fact, our service model is well-defined in the 12 Traditions. Yet this model is not only useful for the organization of our groups and our fellowship. As one member pointed out to me, many of them can be applied in managing our own lives. Those of us who take on roles in our groups, or even beyond, give back in gratitude for some of what we have gained in the program. My own service has come from a desire to keep the group going so that many others like myself have the opportunity to benefit from the principles and practice of my new family.

Affirmation I will give service today; it is important for me to share sincerity and integrity with the world around me.

February 13

”Here is my secret. It is very simple: it is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eyes. Antoine de Saint-Exupery

We all want to be able to see what the right thing to do is, the right words to say, the right actions to take, the right decisions to make. In our addiction, we lived under the insanity that continuing to feed our addictive behaviour, no matter the cost or consequence, was the best thing to do for our continued survival. Once we began to gain some freedom from the stranglehold of our disease in working our program, we gain the ability in sobriety to see with our hearts and make decisions based on something other than our sexual addiction. It can be challenging, frustrating and daunting trying to make real decisions knowing that our lives have been controlled and managed by our disease for so long. With faith in our Higher Power and support from our friends in the program, we can relearn how to trust in our instincts to do the right thing and maintain our new found sanity in sobriety.

Affirmation Today I will listen to my heart and let my Higher Power guide me in the decisions I make.

February 2

“O what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive.” Sir Walter Scott

As an addict we begin to realize that we have become, or at least think that we have become, masterful liars. We have managed to keep our addictive life and self a secret from those most dear to us among many others. We may even have a public face that is in sharp contrast to our addictive self, someone who is a prominent or respected figure in the community. But we harbour a darker side that would shock many if they ever knew even half the truth about our hidden lives. The harder part of the equation is how we lied to ourselves. By taking the First Step and admitting we have a problem we open the door to a new path of being honest. Taking those first acts of being truthful help to slowly distance us from the control of our addiction. Many of us start slowly by sharing our story with our sponsor or our group and before long we find we are sharing things that we never thought we could tell anyone. In letting go of our secrets we begin to free ourselves of the guilt and shame we carry with us.

Affirmation I acknowledge that road to being authentic and genuine begins with the simple truths. I will be honest with myself and others for today.