December 17

”Accept responsibility for your life. Know that it is you who will get you where you want to go, no one else.” Les Brown

There are days where I find being responsible for my life a great burden. Usually this is due to my doing the right things and still having unpleasant things happen that I have little or no control over. It’s not always easy to remember all the blessings I have when tragedy strikes or when things I love are taken away. Life is not always fair. So what helps – getting angry at my Higher Power? Maybe for a brief moment. Pouting or getting depressed? Not really, this takes me away from people in my life who care about me, including myself. Writing, meditating, prayer or something else to allow myself to feel the emotions I am feeling? This is often the most unnatural reaction, yet the more I go here, the sooner I feel better. Life happens, the good, bad and the ugly. Most of life happens because of things I have absolutely no influence or control over. That’s just the way it is. So why do I have to try and fix everything all the time – it simply cannot be done, I am not God. It’s not my place to make things better. So I am left to live through my part in it all, make peace with my feelings, and take that next step forward, trusting in the God of my understanding. But for the grace of God go I, sometimes slowly, sometimes painfully, sometimes begrudgingly, but forward I will go.

Affirmation

Responsibility for my life includes being responsible to accept my feelings and to temper my reactions. I will be kind to myself when things are not going my way.

December 16

”Part of being a man is learning to take responsibility for your successes and for your failures. You can’t go blaming others or being jealous. Seeing somebody else’s success as your failure is a cancerous way to live.” Kevin Bacon

I do appreciate the discussion in Step 4 about resentment where we are called to focus on our part, however small, in situations where we are holding something against someone else. This has been helpful for me in two ways. The first, of course, has been in taking responsibility for my own actions. This was certainly something I shrunk away from during my life, especially during my periods of active addiction. The second way, and perhaps more important way, is realizing that I am not responsible for how others have acted or treated me. It is about coming to the realization that I have been holding on to grudges which have had the result of allowing that situation or person to keep power over me for a long time. This awareness leads to the conclusion that only I can let go of those issues from my past to grant me freedom. This is a large component of my work in recovery, to regain power where I have given it away. It is about recognizing where I have made mistakes, seeking forgiveness and making amends. It is about turning over what others have done to my Higher Power with the realization that I am powerless to change them.

Affirmation

I will work on acknowledging my part in situations of the past, and giving back responsibility to those who have wronged me in return.

March 30

”All that a man achieves and all that he fails to achieve is the direct result of his own thoughts.” James Allen

Responsibility is a personal trait, something that can come from no one else. I’ve spent too many years believing that others can give me responsibility but this is a false idea. Responsibility is something I must take, something I have to make my own. My fears of responsibility, of not deserving to having it or to have more, are my own business. They transform into excuses of why others have not given me what I think I deserve, or feed my efforts to put myself down, to not believe in myself. Sometimes, I am not as ready for the responsibility I want as I think I am. Usually it’s more that something is holding me back. This is where getting to know myself better can help to build my confidence. Having the courage to explore what I am lacking, confronting the fears that hold me back like the possibility of more rejection or another strike at my poor self-esteem, are steps to prepare myself for the additional responsibility I am seeking. My achievements are mine. If I want them, I need to be the one to go after them. Having something simply handed to me because I think I should have it is not truly an achievement. I need to work and earn my successes. My true successes start from within, in my thoughts where I decide if I will reach my goals of if I will give up when it gets tough. That mental fortitude to go the distance, not matter the cost, is what will help me succeed. Those thoughts are no one’s responsibility but my own.

Affirmation Failure and success are part of life. My responsibility is to keep trying and continue pursuing my dreams.

September 3

”Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.” Mark Twain

Entitlement has often been a reason for my addict to seek out pleasure. So and so did something to hurt me so I deserve to act out. Things have gone well in this part of my life, so I can give in to this fantasy. I have done so well in my recovery, so this behaviour is a well-deserved reward. As an active addict I became quite adept at turning almost any situation into a reason to act out, or at the very least to continue fantasizing and planning to do so. I was certain that somehow I had earned the right to continue, that everything that was wrong with my life – all caused by others mind you – was more than ample justification to keep up my destructive behaviours. The problem with this attitude is that I take no responsibility for my actions. Everything is everyone’s fault but my own and it is all “poor me, such a hard life, it’s a wonder one can cope with all that stress and hardship.” Being in recovery has made me realize just how delusional my thinking was.

Affirmation It’s true that there’s very little that is owed to me…I need to take responsibility for what I need and stop the blame game to promote my addictive behaviours.

August 28

”Service is the rent we pay to be living. It is the key purpose of life and not something to do in your spare time. ” Marian Wright Edelman

As my term as group treasurer draws to a close, I am grateful for the opportunity to have been of service to my group. It is a small token of appreciation for all the fellowship has given back to me. It has also been a positive motivator to keep me coming to meetings on a regular basis, especially on those days where I would rather have done something else. Having an opportunity to act responsibly was also a building block to putting my life in recovery into perspective and having some healthy, positive experiences to rebuild my self-esteem and confidence. Service is also about humility and putting the needs of others before those of my own. It is a reminder that nothing is beneath me if it is for the benefit of the greater good. Simple acts of collecting donations, paying room rental costs and ordering literature also helped me in ensuring the continuing functioning of my group so that there is a place for fellow addicts, old and new, to come to find the same help I am.

Affirmation Service allows me not only to give back to the program that is helping me, but ensure that the group will exist for others to seek help as well.

April 20

”The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor the man perfected without trials.” Chinese Proverb

It’s not easy facing some of the consequences of our addictive past. Whereas we used to hide from our problems and the realities of life by turning to our addiction, in recover we’re forced to meet things head-on. And I’ll be the first to admit that it’s not the most pleasant nor welcome prospect. However in recovery one of my mains goals is to deal with life on life’s terms. I need to accept the consequences of my actions, past and present. I have done a lot of damage and hurt many people through the things I have done and said, and through what I have neglected to say or do as well. I need to face each situation and potential confrontation with the attitude and belief that I am living as a better person and able to accept my responsibility. I have not been perfect in the past, nor do I expect to be in the future, but I am prepared to do my best to make things work in the present. It’s humbling to admit our faults, to own up to our mistakes and to be willing to correct our errors. Doing so with the knowledge of the support of our High Power builds us up.

Affirmation Today I will face the challenges of life with my Higher Power by my side. My best is good enough.