January 21

“Reality is only an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.” Albert Einstein

I still have moments where my instinct is to want to escape from the present moment. To avoid my feelings and my discomfort I can still find a multitude of ways to get away through television, video games, movies or other distractions. These are not really much better for me than my addictive behaviours, middle or inner circle. The problems and feelings still need to be dealt with and running away only delays the inevitable. I do wish that saying the Serenity Prayer one, five, or even ten times would be sufficient to let things go and turn them over to my Higher Power or grant me the courage and inspiration to deal with my part of it. Reality isn’t usually that simple and straightforward. Remaining in the now is hard work. Like most things I have had to learn in my life, it takes practice to get better at it, but with time and perseverance it does get easier. The reward of dealing with life as it happens and not delaying situations by escaping from them is that I am more aware of all that happens in my life. I also waste much less time, which in turn is a gift considering how much of my past I lost in my addiction.

Affirmation Staying focused on the here and now and being aware of my temptation to escape are healthy recognitions of where I am.

November 2 (92)

”Fairness is not an attitude. It’s a professional skill that must be developed and exercised.” Brit Hume

I am certainly seeing that life does not always feel fair and just. As much as I would like the world to be respectful and honourable, the truth is that sometimes it is and sometimes it isn’t. What really matters is how I fulfill my role, if I choose to be honest and just regardless of the actions of others. I may not always be treated in kind but that is no excuse for me to behave poorly. It is important for me to live by my new set of values and morals, even if this not how I used to be. My change of attitude and behaviours is probably least accepted by those who are closest to me. They are the ones most betrayed and most familiar with whom I used to be. It is with them that only time and consistency in my new way of living that will allow them to being to trust that this isn’t just another phase, another attempt to make good long enough to go back to my old habits. Like many things in my recovery, being fair and just is another tool that I need to practice and strengthen. It may feel unnatural at first, but in time it will become part of my new “normal.” I just have to keep at it.

Affirmation It will be a challenge to prove to others that I am in recovery to stay, slowly and steadily must I continue along my journey.

October 12

”Energy creates energy. It is by spending oneself that one becomes rich.” Sarah Bernhardt

This is certainly a truth as I have focused not only on recovery in the past year and a half, but on taking better care of myself at all levels, mind, body, and soul. Reincorporating regular exercise is an expenditure of energy that has created more energy for me on a daily basis. I am less fatigued and more motivated than before. Recovery work also breeds recovery work. There have been tools like journaling, prayer, reaching out, meditations, and affirmations that I have had to force myself to practice. Much of it was awkward and unnatural in the beginning. Yet with time and repetition, it has become something that I am more used to and, heaven forbid, even look forward to doing. I still have days when I have trouble getting started, needing to pick up a tool out of habit more than desire because I know it is good for me, and usually, somewhere in the midst of the activity I discover how good I feel and look forward to the reward of accomplishing the task at hand. It is in giving that I receive. When I feel less like doing something for myself, I can gain motivation by helping others, or simply reaching out. I need to remember to set boundaries so as not to put everyone else before myself.

Affirmation I may need to force myself to use my tools of recovery today, but creating new habits will benefit me, and those around me, in time.

March 2

”Our words must be judged by our deeds; and in striving for a lofty ideal we must use practical methods; and if we cannot attain all at one leap, we must advance towards it step by step, reasonably content so long as we do actually make progress in the right direction.” Theodore Roosevelt

Practice, practice, practice! How often have we heard that mantra, or even repeated it to someone who is learning something new. It’s a concept that was drilled into us as kids, but as adults we know the value of repetition in enhancing a particular skill or ability. The same applies in our steps to recovery. The more we practice with the tools, the more meetings we attend, the more we share our experience, strength and hope, the more we gain comfort in the new abilities and confidence that we acquire as a result. The other side of practice is making mistakes. Few of us can pick up a new hobby or sport and be exceptional right away. Part of the learning experience is making errors, trying something until we find the best way, and learning from those things that don’t work quite so well. The same goes in learning to be a recovering sex addict. We’ll make mistakes along the way, but we can make progress.

Affirmation Today I will put emphasis on practicing my tools of recovery, and learning from my mistakes.