November 16

”Success is not measured by what you accomplish, but by the opposition you have encountered, and the courage with which you have maintained the struggle against overwhelming odds.” Orison Swett Marden

One of the recurring themes in my recovery has been the fact that the right choices have most often turned out to be the hard choices. Dedicating myself to my program, sticking with the steps, turning away from my addictive thinking and behaviors towards sanity and sobriety – all these have and continue to force me to make difficult choices. The ways of the past, doing what I am used to and comfortable with, going with the flow – that was the easier, faster way. But that path no longer works for me, the cost of living that way is far too great. So I push the boulder up the hill, walk on the coals of the fires I started, and plug the leaky dam with fingers, toes and whatever else I can find. Okay, maybe not literally, but some of the challenges have seemed overwhelming, like the odds were stacked against me. It has taken courage, strength, patience, love, support, but most of all faith, to stick with doing the right thing. Have I accomplished things? Certainly. Are these things that most people in my life can see? Most of them, not directly, no. Many of the hardest battles have happened between my ears, the struggle of choosing between my old behaviours and my new, resisting the urge to go back to my old way of life. Over time, though, these choices have indirectly had a positive effect on those around me. And of course a direct impact on my sanity and the manageability of my life.

Affirmation

Doing the right thing is often hard, requires more effort, and is a challenge. I will trust in my program and my Higher Power as I know the reward is worth it.

May 14

”Destiny is no matter of chance. It is a matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.” William Jennings Bryan

I think society is more and more goal-oriented and achievement focused. It is filled with people that are convinced that the more they do, the more they succeed, the happier and more fulfilled they will be. Maybe, maybe not, I am not so certain as I once was. I think the 12-Steps have had a significant impact on how I define success and happiness. And I think the 12th Step is a big part, about sharing the message. That for me translates into service, its giving back, giving freely, giving of myself that makes sense to me as real success. My goal is not what I can accumulate, what kinds of trophies or recognition or material abundance I can obtain. It’s about how I can change and improve the world around me, the kind of legacy that I can leave behind, the mark that I can leave in society. Still lofty goals, and still aims that require me to take an active role. But I think these goals align much better with the will of my Higher Power, that they focus on my giving rather than receiving. None of this will happen if I just sit around waiting. I accept the choice to give back now that I have a second lease on life, thanks to the 12-Steps.

Affirmation

I will examine my definition of success today and look at all the small ways I can be of service to others. That will make this a successful and memorable day.

April 10

”Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it.” Henry David Thoreau

Success and recognition used to be something I wanted desperately. I needed that validation from others that what I did matter, that I had value and purpose. My importance had to come from elsewhere. Today, that attitude has changed. In growing through the 12 Steps I am learning that my value comes from within. My success is measured by me, by the goals I set, the challenges I overcome, the milestones that I surpass. In creating my circles and writing a sobriety contract with my sponsor, I have redefined my vision of success. Continuing to work my program and focusing on the multitude of tasks in my outer circle make me a success as a human being and a member of society. Recovery keeps me busy. Once I made the commitment to work hard at staying sober, I jumped at many opportunities which came my way. I regularly attend meetings, I have a few sponsees, I participate in committees and I continue to read recovery material, work the steps, and of course write my meditations. My biggest success each day is being able to go to sleep, serene and sober.

Affirmation

Working the steps will help me put life into a better perspective and allow me to redefine things like success and achievement.

December 18

”Only one may enter here, one whose worth lies far within. A diamond in the rough.” Quote from the movie “Aladdin”

I was walking in the winter snow recently, down a side street where the plows had passed and spread out their sand and salt. Most of the snow was no longer white as a result, but as I watched, the sun came out and to my surprise; the snow still sparkled in its brilliance, even under all the dirt. I found this metaphor quite suitable for my life. I believe that my life has been more like that dirty snow, mixed up with a bunch of things that have not kept me pure or on the right path. Yet, when the sun shines, or better when my purpose is alit by my Higher Power, it reveals that the beauty and potential is still there, even when I didn’t see it. The things I need to succeed in life have already been provided to me, I just have to work with them in spite of all the dirt around me. Recovery is teaching me that I have much worth that has lain far within for far too long. As I shed the skin of my addiction, push away that filth that I attracted for too long, I too, can be a brilliant snowflake to shine in the light of my Creator.

Affirmation My potential to follow the path of the God of my understanding is always there, I just need to be reminded to shine from time to time.

December 9

”Success is walking from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.” Winston Churchill

Some days I certainly feel more like a failure than others. There are many things from my past that I am not proud of, poor choices I made, or things I have done that were not very good. My past can serve me in a couple ways. First, it is a reminder now of how I used to be, and motivation to continue along my path of recovery as I no longer wish to be the person I was. My failures are also a way for me to connect with others who suffer like I used to. It’s a show of empathy for the pain and darkness that they have lived through that only another addict truly understands. I used to move from mistake to mistake falling further into a pit of despair, fully under the power of my addiction. In recovery I know that my mistakes are a part of the journey and places for me to learn and seek improvement. I can keep my enthusiasm to follow the new path because I know my Higher Power is with me every step of the way.

Affirmation Failures, like success, are just parts of life. There is something to learn from everything, and I can make it through it all with the help of my Higher Power.

November 4

”Instead of worrying about what people say of you, why not spend time trying to accomplish something they will admire.” Dale Carnegie

This certainly sounds like a challenge for an addict. Trying to do good works to make people forget about all the reprehensible acts of the past. This doesn’t even go into what others might think of me because of how poorly I have behaved or how much trust and respect has been broken. There is certainly some truth to this idea. I am a firm believer that I have been successful in my recovery by worrying less about the past than in focusing on what I can do differently today to make a better future. This means letting go of the judgments of others, worrying less about how others perceive me, and working in making me better, on strengthening the good parts of me that I know reflect who I really am. My addiction did a lot of damage to my reputation, and sometimes things from the past are going to show up to haunt me. The best thing I can do is to keep concentrating on my program, putting my best foot forward, and facing each challenge head on. I trust in my Higher Power to push me through whatever lays ahead, and just maybe I will do something worthy of the admiration of others along the way.

Affirmation I know what matters most is how genuine I am for myself and my Higher Power. If this is where I focus my work for now, then whatever other’s think is of little consequence.

September 25

”If I have been of service, if I have glimpsed more of the nature and essence of ultimate good, if I am inspired to reach wider horizons of thought and action, if I am at peace with myself, it has been a successful day.” Alex Noble

One thing that is certainly true in my journey of recovery is that my definition of success has changed dramatically. It is so much less about obtaining material things or recognition as it is about having stayed true to my program. Success is now a measure of living by my circles, respecting my boundaries, and working the steps. One of the best ways to recognize this in my daily activities is to look at the ways I have been of service. Whether in my personal life or my professional life, having performed for others, having given freely of myself, is certainly a sign of a healthier way of living. Working for others, for their betterment, also is a boon to my own progress. I gain as much or more by sharing my talents and knowledge with others, and have a truer sense of accomplishment at the end of the day. Living like this makes me feel life is more real and that is certainly a good thing.

Affirmation Success is not defined by the size of my bank account or the number of acquaintances I have. True success is measure by the contributions I make in improving the world I live in, one small step at a time.

September 3

”You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don't try.” Beverly Sills

Most people don’t like failure. The addict in me is scared to death of failure. It’s one of my biggest reasons to want to run away from the possibility and pain of making a mistake, of looking like a fool, of not living up to everyone else’s standards. So there are times in my life where I have regrets because I chose not to act, not to face the potential of falling flat on my face. There is also a lot of shame from the times where I did try and failed, and then refused to try again. My life is not meant to be lived for others; my success is not determined by what others think of me or how they perceive me. I know today that my worth is determined by how well I seek to do the will of my Higher Power. I am not in competition with anyone. I am far from perfect. I am permitted to make mistakes. In fact, I think I would even say I am encouraged to make mistakes. It is how I am learning to do things differently. Giving up is rarely an option. I no longer seek to bury my head in the sand. Living means participating, trying new things, and sometimes falling flat on my face. Through my Higher Power I have the courage to get back on my feet and give it another go.

Affirmation Disappointment is more about how others perceive me that about who I am. There is no shame in trying and not succeeding, as long as I continue to try again.

June 13

”Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out.” Robert Collier

Somewhere along the way in my growing up, my idea of success got skewed. It became something that I felt entitled to, and that should come pretty much instantaneously when I wanted it. It would not require any effort on my part or any commitment – it should simply fall out of the sky and into my lap. And I wonder why recovery was hard at first? The steps have shown me that true success, the kind that really means something and is worthwhile, doesn’t happen by magic. It comes from the endeavours that I fully engage in – body, mind, and soul. It happens through countless tasks, small achievements, temporary setbacks and even outright failures. It is a reward of perseverance and sticking to what I believe in. These days, success is not even about what I want. It is about the will of my Higher Power that I am constantly praying and meditating to discover and follow. I now trust that the God of my understanding will show me how best to serve, and that is the greatest success I could ever hope to achieve.

Affirmation It works if you work it, and I will never go wrong doing the will of my Higher Power.

August 30

”Being defeated is only a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.” Marilyn vos Savant

How easy it is for me to give up. It only takes a moment of doubt that I cannot do it, cannot go on any longer and before I know it my actions have followed suit. Defeat starts in my own head; it is not something that comes from an external source, from fate, God or any power greater than me. I am defeated when I choose to be. I am not trying to confuse this with losing. I can, and do, lose at many things. Or perhaps more positively worded, I do not always succeed. But I always have the option to try again. If it is something important enough, worthy for my journey in life, then I need to pick myself up, brush off the dirt, and take the next step. I can see in retrospect that it takes work to give up on many things. It is not usually a simple task to let something go. I need to make excuses, find reason to beat myself down as to why I won’t succeed, find someone or something to blame my failures on – all time and energy I could be using to try again. It is a little like learning that it takes more muscles to frown than to smile – and smiling always makes me feel better.

Affirmation Today I choose to smile, to dance in the rain, to be a light in the dark, and to keep on keeping on.

July 17

”May your life be crowded with unexpected joys.” H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Success still frightens me. This need not be lots of recognition at work or in the community; it can be something as simple as being happy and having life going well. My instinct is to not trust the good times, to be waiting for the storm to roll in, and usually my worries and fears lead me to doing something to jeopardize or sabotage my contentment. I know that much of this thinking and behaviour stems from my shame; the regret from my past that I do not deserve to be happy or have good things in my life because of all the bad things I have done. I am working on my self-esteem and learning that I AM WORTHY of good things. Regaining faith in my Higher Power has helped to restore my belief that He only wants good for me. Just as I can feel overwhelmed when things are very dark, I can feel the same when it is too bright and sunny. Yet I can cope with either situation in the same way – Stop, take a few deep breaths, say the Serenity Prayer and focus on the present moment. I am learning to accept these good highs as a natural part of life and something that I am allowed to experience as part of a healthy and balanced existence.

Affirmation Today I will not be afraid of the good things that happen; I have as much right to be happy and content as anyone.

June 18

”Through perseverance many people win success out of what seemed destined to be certain failure.” Benjamin Disraeli

I have a new sense of determination since finding the program. I am less apt to take no for an answer. I seem to have a new confidence that I can find solutions for situations that before seemed impossible. I give full credit to my Higher Power working in me and through me for this new ambition that I find is positive and healthy. Success has taken on a new meaning as my priorities shift to those things that are truly important in my life. I am less concerned with material acquisition; my focus is on the people and relationships that matter in my life. My goals relate more to making a real impact in the world than in trying to see how many possessions I can accumulate. I want the legacy that I leave behind to be evident in the lives of the people I have touched. That makes my family and my children my primary focus. I want to ensure I raise my kids the right way and it is my responsibility to give them the knowledge and tools to live lives based on sound principles. I want them to follow a good path in their own lives and to be a positive force in the world. I hope that my own wisdom can help them to avoid some of the pitfalls and trials I have faced. Ultimately I hope that parts of me will live on through them and continue to make the world a better place to live.

Affirmation My recovery is important to get me on the right track. It will also help me leave a legacy that I can be proud of.