July 17

”May your life be crowded with unexpected joys.” H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Success still frightens me. This need not be lots of recognition at work or in the community; it can be something as simple as being happy and having life going well. My instinct is to not trust the good times, to be waiting for the storm to roll in, and usually my worries and fears lead me to doing something to jeopardize or sabotage my contentment. I know that much of this thinking and behaviour stems from my shame; the regret from my past that I do not deserve to be happy or have good things in my life because of all the bad things I have done. I am working on my self-esteem and learning that I AM WORTHY of good things. Regaining faith in my Higher Power has helped to restore my belief that He only wants good for me. Just as I can feel overwhelmed when things are very dark, I can feel the same when it is too bright and sunny. Yet I can cope with either situation in the same way – Stop, take a few deep breaths, say the Serenity Prayer and focus on the present moment. I am learning to accept these good highs as a natural part of life and something that I am allowed to experience as part of a healthy and balanced existence.

Affirmation Today I will not be afraid of the good things that happen; I have as much right to be happy and content as anyone.