July 6

”I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be.” Douglas Adams

Separating from my spouse, even the idea of separating, used to scare me. Just the prospect of having to move out, potentially only for a short time, having to tell our kids, change addresses, etc. seemed to be an admittance that I had failed. That I was a failure as a spouse, a parent, a child of God…and that I would have to publicly acknowledge this to at least some degree was terrifying. I’ve been on my own now for a few months, but it took quite a number of months, talks with counsellors, fellow brothers and sisters in SAA, and even my Higher Power to come to the realization that I needed the separation just as much as my partner to gain some perspective as well as the opportunity to focus more on my own recovery. I know too well at this point that I am reliable to no one else if I am not taking care of me first – mind, body and spirit. Life on my own has presented its own challenges. Having to be responsible primarily only for myself, trying to parent at a distance, having to deal with neighbours in adjacent apartments….all these and more add to the complexity of life. But at the same time I am learning how to apply the Steps and my tools of recovery in many other real world situations. And I am ok with where my path has led me.

Affirmation Sometimes the difficult choice is the right choice. It may not lead me where I expected, but I will have faith in the guidance of my Higher Power.