July 30

”Deep down, real comforts are more important than temporary comfort.” Joni EarecksonTade

I am learning the true meaning of discomfort in my recovery. I have become aware of how my addiction relished any degree of discomfort and was able to turn it into fuel that fed my fantasies and desire to act out. It still takes me by surprise how the small disappointments, the times when things don’t go my way, how these moments can so easily disrupt my serenity and start me on the spiral of darker thinking. Real comfort and real happiness are not something I can buy, that I can find browsing on the internet, between the covers of a magazine or on a channel on TV. These are the things that need to come from within. Connecting once again to my feelings and finding the power of surrendering to my Higher Power are paths to being truly happy. Living a life that is based on honesty, faithfulness and integrity gives me peace and serenity. Knowing that I no longer maintain a secret life, that I have found a place to share my dark thoughts, my pain, guilt and shame, has given me a new sense of freedom and belonging. These are all purer things that I feel will endure. I desire less and less the temporary measure to make me feel alive and have instead begun to live and enjoy each and every moment.

Affirmation I can find a deeper, truer happiness that comes from within me. There is nothing or no one external that can give this to me.