April 25

"You don't always need a plan. Sometimes you just need to breathe, trust, let go, and see what happens.” Mandy Hale

I tend to be an organized person, I like to have a plan, to know where I am going and what I intend to do. I am often disrupted by changes, avoid spontaneity, and dislike surprises. I was certainly more rigid in these respects before discovering the 12 Steps. These qualities have their usefulness, but as I have learned in retrospect, can also become obstacles. Trying to plan everything is akin to trying to control everything. My recovery has certainly enlightened me in the fact that I do not, and cannot, control most things. Which leads to the second half of the quote, letting go and see what happens. I'll admit that this often feels foreign to me. But I know that it is also putting my faith into action - my faith in the process of my program of recovery, faith in the will of my Higher Power, trust in the people around me who support me. As the saying goes, faith without works means nothing. I am learning to trust that my faith is sufficient, that the God of my understanding is more than enough to lean on to make it through whatever comes my way.

Affirmation

I will exercise my faith today by letting go, and trusting in the plan of my Higher Power for me.

April 23

"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” Joseph Campbell

Unlearning is an important part of my recovery program. I have grown up with false beliefs and perceptions of the world around me. My growth has happened as much from the new things I have been presented as it has been in letting go of old things that no longer support my life and its path forward. This is my understanding of Step Three, of turning my will and my life over to the care of the God of my understanding. It is opening myself to a divine guidance to lead me into the life I was meant to live. It is accepting that I am not in control of everything, and that often I do not know what is best for me. Letting go has been challenging work, it has not been a natural thing to handle. But like many things I am learning and practicing it gets easier with time. I am seeing the positive results as I submit myself to seek the counsel of my Higher Power and stop resisting the course He wants me to follow.

Affirmation

Let Go and Let God is the principle I shall try to focus on today, to seek out His Will and go in the direction that is offered.

December 16

”Part of being a man is learning to take responsibility for your successes and for your failures. You can’t go blaming others or being jealous. Seeing somebody else’s success as your failure is a cancerous way to live.” Kevin Bacon

I do appreciate the discussion in Step 4 about resentment where we are called to focus on our part, however small, in situations where we are holding something against someone else. This has been helpful for me in two ways. The first, of course, has been in taking responsibility for my own actions. This was certainly something I shrunk away from during my life, especially during my periods of active addiction. The second way, and perhaps more important way, is realizing that I am not responsible for how others have acted or treated me. It is about coming to the realization that I have been holding on to grudges which have had the result of allowing that situation or person to keep power over me for a long time. This awareness leads to the conclusion that only I can let go of those issues from my past to grant me freedom. This is a large component of my work in recovery, to regain power where I have given it away. It is about recognizing where I have made mistakes, seeking forgiveness and making amends. It is about turning over what others have done to my Higher Power with the realization that I am powerless to change them.

Affirmation

I will work on acknowledging my part in situations of the past, and giving back responsibility to those who have wronged me in return.

December 17

” When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.” Lao Tzu

Steps 3 and 6 are about letting go. Step 3 is about letting go of our own will, and becoming open to the will of a Higher Power to guide us to sanity. It’s a turning point for many where we admit, where I admitted, that there had to be a different way to live. It was at that point where I had to trust in something outside myself to lead me down a healthier road, even if I didn’t fully understand what exactly I was putting my faith in at the time. I only knew that I was no longer able to rely on my own broken thinking to get me there. By Step 6 I was ready to start the process of being re-made. This is where I again chose to be willing for change, to allow for my defects of character, my tried and true ways of dealing with life, to be removed. Looking back it reminds me of the work I did to restore my first car, the stripping and sanding of all the body work to get it prepared for restoration. Working Step 6 is a preparation to remove things that no longer work to support a healthy way of living, in order to have the capacity to accept something new and better in its place. It is acknowledging that we are broken, but having faith that letting go will propel us forward. Both these steps were critical on my path of recovery to help me experience true transformation. It was the shedding of my protective coverings, my old habits, my behaviours that had out-lived their purpose. My Higher Power has been true to His nature, replacing those weather-worn practices with ways that have indeed improved my quality of living, my serenity, and ultimately my sanity.

Affirmation

Letting go is a difficult, but necessary, part of my transformation on my journey of recovery. The pain is worth the reward.

September 5

”It's better to look ahead and prepare than to look back and regret.” Jackie Joyner Kersee

I really have a hard time in situations where I don’t know what is going to happen. A little bit of good news tends to make me overly happy and positive about the outcome. A bit of bad news has the tendency to completely deflate my mood and outlook. Finding some middle ground between the two is a real struggle. Thankfully, I am aware of my behaviours in these situations. And, rather than escaping as I would have in the past, I am gaining the ability to sit with my emotions, to talk about them with others, and to pray for guidance on how to move forward. These are things I can do to take care of myself, to prepare for whatever may come, and to ready myself for the results. Letting go and letting the will of my Higher Power come to pass takes a great deal of patience and faith. Surrendering means not being stuck on having things turn out the way I want but trusting that they will work out as God has planned. But in the end, I need to maintain my sanity by focusing on whatever is in my control and finding acceptance for the rest.

Affirmation I will pray for my Higher Power’s support when I find myself in a challenging spot today, and trust in the guidance to lead me in the right direction.

August 23

”Forgiveness and letting go are steps on our road back to happiness.” Tina Dayton

Forgiveness in some areas of my life is still a challenge. There are certain people in my life who continue to hold my past against me, refusing to accept the possibility that I can change and improve myself through recovery. It is difficult to interact with these people, and some of them I have little choice because they are or were family. Yet forgiveness is something I need to do for myself, to take back the power and control I give to others by worrying or dwelling on their actions and feelings. These are things out of my control and I am better served in focusing on the ways I handle my own feelings. So here is an area that I am practicing on a regular basis. Forgiving others for things they do or say, knowingly or not, that hurt me and others close to me. They are also people that are often in my prayers, that they come to an awareness of the damage they are causing to themselves and those around them, that they too can find a way to forgive, let go, and begin healing themselves. When I can content myself to dealing with my own situation, emotions, reactions and actions, it is much easier to be happy. I find myself calmer, more at peace with myself and the world around me, and more apt to caring, sharing and loving. I am also more compassionate and recognisant of the pain and suffering of others. I am living more as a child of God than rebelling against his will.

Affirmation I can only control myself. Forgiving others and letting go will help my focus on those things within my power to manage.

January 30

”Great is the art of beginning, but greater is the art of ending.” Lazarus Long

It took me over two decades to realize that I had a problem with compulsive sexual behaviour. Yet once I recognised the true nature of my illness, it took me much less time to draw the conclusion that I would need to let go of it. In fact, letting go has been ongoing process practically since the first time I walked into a 12-Step meeting. My growing awareness has taken away the brunt of the power and control that my addiction used to hold over my life. I did reach a point in my recovery where I wanted to formally mark a new beginning. For some time I had been imagining my addict as a resident in the house in my head, where it had been confined to the addict. When I was at this turning point, I wrote an eviction notice, thanking my addiction for helping me cope and survive to that point in time, but that it was no longer needed as I had learned new ways to cope. Endings were always a struggle in my life, and still are to some degree. However, I am able now to see an end as more than just a loss, but also as a new beginning. Having a more holistic view of the circle of life gives me strength and allows me to handle change in better ways.

Affirmation I need not fret or be afraid of endings. There is a natural order to life that things begin, endure, and then come to a close. Acceptance is the key to living through these transitions.

November 18 (76)

”I get up and pace the room, as if I can leave my guilt behind me.  But it tracks me as a I walk, an ugly shadow made by myself.” Rosamund Lupton

If I really want to move forward with my life, I need to be able to truly forgive the most important person in my life – myself. As long as I continue to drag the ugly shadow of my past, all my guilt and shame, with me, I will not make significant progress. Starting new things – moving to a new place, getting a new job, or making new friends – all these will give me a temporary reprieve from the burden of my past but I need to forgive myself and surrender what I cannot change to my Higher Power in order to progress in my recovery. Another aspect is that I am the sole cause of any guilt and shame I continue to carry. I am the one who has given the power to past situations to continue to haunt and detriment my present condition. Therefore it is only I who can decide to take back what I have given away and choose to focus on the better parts of my situation. Letting go of those negative aspects of my past and present gives me the opportunity to change and improve my character. Asking the God of my understanding to take away my character defects is a step in the right direction to a better way of living. Becoming an example of the changes I want to see in the world is a large part of my amends for all the damage I’ve done in the past and diminishes the power of my ugly shadow.

Affirmation My guilt and shame can only maintain power in my life as long as I choose to let them. I will let go of some today with the help of my Higher Power.

October 4

”The saints are the sinners who keep going.” Robert Louis Stevenson

I am now 18 months into the program and nearly at a year of uninterrupted sobriety. It’s certainly been a time of reflection on where I have been. As I work my steps in my study group, I am gradually moving beyond the sins of my past, one microscopic step at a time. I will readily confess that I am miles from being considered a saint, but gratefully less tempted to label myself a sinner. The healing process is working and I can look myself in the mirror and genuinely appreciate the person looking back at me. If I had to try and figure out the one thing that has allowed me to get this far, my secret for my success if you will, it would be letting go. It sounded so strange and felt so awkward and unnatural in the beginning. But turning over things I cannot control to my Higher Power has given me the power and energy to focus on what I can deal with and have the capacity to change. I have lost track of how often I apply the Serenity Prayer, not just in dealing with my addict, but with life in general. It has easily been the guiding principle that has helped me the most in making it to where I am today, One Day at a Time.

Affirmation It’s good for me to reflect on my progress and to discover the tools that help me the most in my journey of recovery.

September 21

”There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.” Oscar Wilde

There is more than one way to look at any tragedy that befalls us. For example, I recently had someone vandalize some of my property. It happened completely out of the blue, seemed perfectly unjustifiable and created a pocket of chaos in my life as I had to deal with it. And like most people, it gave me an opportunity to complain about life, about bad things happening to me and all the rest. One comment in particular as I shared my story made me change my attitude a little faster than I probably would have. Someone responded “Well, you know, this having happened may have prevented something even worse.” No idea like that had certainly crossed my mind while I was dealing with the insurance agency, authorities and figuring out how it was going to affect my pocketbook. That outside opinion made me step back and look at the bigger picture, and whose will needed to be followed. Sure, the situation was inconvenient and unpleasant, but in the grand scheme of things, really not the end of the world. A temporary setback that I would soon forget. So no need to spend too much time or energy griping or worrying, just deal with it and move on. There are so many better areas of my life that deserve my attention.

Affirmation I am learning to put things into greater perspective and to be open to the opinions of others as I journey through life.

September 8

”We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey.” Miyazawa Kenji

Moving on with my life and pushing forward through the trials of separation and divorce has been far from easy. Breaking the bonds with someone who was such a large part of my life for many years is far from evident. Physical separation was probably the easiest part, the psychological and emotional separation is much more challenging, energy draining and depressing. It has been important, more than ever, to force myself to stick to my routine of recovery during this period. My meetings, my fellowship, my sponsor, and my SAA literature are powerful resources to help keep me grounded in the present and provide windows of sanity in the emotional turmoil. I have spent many hours looking back, wondering if I could have saved my marriage, if I did enough when I understood better how much damage I had caused. It is all part of letting go, wrestling with the ghosts of what could have been. My support network helps me to see the steps I have taken to improve my life and reminds me of where I am today. The grief and pain of the past will pass in time and I am discovering that it is fuel to make me want to be better for now and the future.

Affirmation Grief, hurt and pain are part of my life too. They are not fun to endure but can provide valuable lessons that I will come to treasure.

May 17

”We must always have old memories and young hopes.” Houssaye

The past is just that…all which has passed. It is no longer something that can be changed nor controlled. The best I can do is to learn from it to be better in the present and to let it go so I do not carry it with. This in no way implies that I will simply cease to remember what has happened. But it also means that I no longer need to dwell on it as it robs me of time in the present. I can certainly take time for reflection and seek to understand what has happened in my life, but my time and energy are often better sent on the here and now. In my hopes I try to remain as a child, full of dreams of the fantastic and impossible, to see all things in their splendour through eyes of innocence. Life has regained a sense of joy and wonder, of the excitement that anything can and will happen. I continue to break free of the bonds of my addiction a day at a time, even though I need to face reality and pain to do so. My faith in my Higher Power is there to help me stand tall when I would rather fall down and quit. I believe that there is a better life before me as long as I continue to struggle against the darkness.

Affirmation I will take from the past what can propel me forward; dwelling on what has been will only tie me down.

April 11

”If we celebrate the years behind us they become stepping stones of strength and joy for the years ahead.” Anonymous

One powerful tool of recovery is to share our life story. This may be accomplished through a Step One, or may be something that is done simply with a fellow member or our sponsor. It can be done as a written history that is read out loud or it can be recounted ad lib. Regardless, sharing our past can be beneficial in letting go of the power of the past that we’ve given too much control. Dwelling on what has been taken away from our ability to focus on the future. In letting go of the past and only using it to learn how to live better for today we will be able to forge a tomorrow. We can find the good times to bolster our attitude when needed and share our experience with other like us who still suffer. We will free ourselves of old guilt, shame and fear to be able to courageously move forward in recovery.

Affirmation My past is gone but what I have learned can help me face the challenges of today.