May 5

"Why do you go away? So that you can come back. So that you can see the place you came from with new eyes and extra colors. And the people there see you differently, too. Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving."  Terry Pratchett

Some say that change is the only constant. I suppose, from a strict scientific look at the world, this is true. Everything is constantly in motion, constantly under the forces of the universe. But as a rational human being, there are times where I would disagree, where I would feel like I am stagnating, frozen in time. Those feelings of being immutable, unchanging, are more a reflection of my thoughts and feelings, my state of mind. They are not fully based on reality. In fact, it requires a conscious ignorance of my surroundings and noticing that things are indeed changing. I have merely chosen for a period of time to ignore this fact. The world moves on whether or not I decide to be aware of what is occurring. They say you can never come home again. I think the above quote accurately contradicts this idea. You can indeed go home again, but you will not be the same person you where when you left. Nor will the others who remained be the same. We are all constantly changing, adapting, and hopefully growing. Our influence lies in guiding what type of change has happened, has it been positive and nurturing, or has it not? That is the heart of the matter.

Affirmation

I will take time to notice the change around me, and choose to be an active participant rather than a spectator on the sideline.

September 12

”Our only security is our ability to change.” John Lilly

I’ve never really equated change to a sense of security. I think I feel more insecure in periods of change, more apt to uncertainty of what will come to pass. I know the stress of change was one of my triggers of the past. I do see that this perception has been changing though. I realize that I am becoming a living model of the Serenity Prayer, and more accepting of the things I cannot change. One of those is certainly the fact that things are always changing around me. So in a way, realizing there is change is a good thing. Because, in comparison, living in addiction was a life of stagnation. There was no real change – it was the same thing, day in, day out. Maybe the flavour, or the amount of time spent, or some other factor was a little different, but there wasn’t any real diversity in my life. I guess that means that I can now see security in my ability to change, that it reflects the fact that I am healthier and more actively participating in life, rather than trying to freeze-frame moments as I used to do. Change is good, I don’t have to look back to far to see the proof of that in my own life.

Affirmation Life is a cycle of changes, and I am a part of that process. Being involved is healthy and normal.