December 18

”Mistakes are painful when they happen, but years later a collection of mistakes is what is called experience.” Denis Waitley

The program talks often about members sharing their strength, hope and wisdom. This often happens when someone shares their personal experience. This is one of the most precious moments in a meeting for me, when I am privileged to hear someone share their own story. I gain insight into my own life, my own recovery when I can relate to someone else’s history, see their struggle and their work to overcome the obstacles and challenges before them. Just as my openness to listen to others improves my recovery, so does my willingness to share honestly about my own path. When I find the courage to speak about my own mistakes and successes, when I can share how the program is aiding me in moving in a better direction, it’s more than just personal affirmation that the Steps are making a difference. I also give a testament to other members of the power of working the program. In working the steps, by taking the time for the introspection required to better understand myself and the underlying causes and effects of my addiction, I have also begun the process of turning my mistakes into fuel for improvement. Learning from the past is making my future look brighter, and I am gaining wisdom from the experiences that I have had in my life.

Affirmation

Accepting my past, reflecting upon my mistakes and wisdom, and forging ahead with new knowledge and tools – this is how the program helps me transform my ways towards a better life.

July 24

”A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful, than a life spent doing nothing.” George Bernard Shaw

I cannot say that I have ever considered that there was honour in making mistakes. However, I do see Mr. Shaw’s point that making mistakes is more honorable than doing nothing at all. Life is not about mere existence, simply putting in the time allotted to oneself. Life is about experience, which means doing, and in trying, sometimes failing. There is merit in doing nothing at all sometimes. There are moments when I simply need to disconnect from myself and the world around me. It is important to turn off all the distractions and simply be, just existing in the moment. It is something I don’t do often enough, taking a break from the hustle and bustle of everyday living. Meditation is one aspect of this pause in my program. I get other moments during the sharing portion of my meetings while waiting for others to share their own experience, strength and hope. Sometimes it is simply sitting quietly in a dark room or out in nature, being connected to the natural energies that surround me. Whatever the case, this is a grounding experience that allows me to purge thoughts and desires and reboot. Reflecting in these times let me find wisdom, like the realization that mistakes are not inherently good or bad. They are simply part of the process of being human. I cannot always be right, or say or do the right thing. Errors are simply a point that allows me to evaluate, make corrections and adjust the course of my actions. They are a tool in helping me along my journey, not a roadblock which is trying to derail my plans.

Affirmation

I will not settle for simply existing. I will participate in life, and I accept that this means risking failure, but that does not make me one.

July 19

”Take chances, make mistakes. That’s how you grow. Pain nourishes courage. You have to fall in order to practice being brave.” Mary Tyler Moore

Not much in life is achieved without trying. Trying to do something new means opening myself to the risk of failure. With failure comes rejection, disappointment, pain and even shame. But I also recognize that these negatives are, and should, become the fuel for change, perseverance and another try. Taking chances is a requirement for growth. I like the line from the movie “We Bought A Zoo” that sometimes all it takes in life is 20 seconds of insane courage to experience something wonderful. Getting up the nerve to confront my fears, to be momentarily brave, is usually worth more in the long term than the worry of pain or embarrassment or whatever was holding me back in the first place. Like Nike’s famous slogan, sometimes I have to just “Do It.” Pain and suffering are teachers. I like to think, at least most of the time, that the more I have suffered, the more that there is growth and a better path that awaits me as I learn from my past mistakes. This is simply part of the process as I transform into the new and improved me, scars and all.

Affirmation

I will look at those things that are bothering me today, not as something to worry about, but as a source to move in a better, brighter, saner direction. I am worth it!

February 16

”Failing doesn't make you a failure. Giving up, accepting your failure, refusing to try again does!” Richard Exely

I’ve failed lots. I have failed in small ways, in medium ways, in large ways, and even in spectacular ways. Some failures were good failures, because they happened when I was working towards good goals. Many were not so righteous because of the end I sought. Worst of all though, are the times I succeeded in doing things that I should never even have attempted. Those are times that can haunt me, those five, ten or fifteen minute decisions that I can never take back. Still, I am coming to terms with the idea that I am not a failure simply because I am imperfect and make mistakes. I do believe in the core of this quotation, that it’s only when I accept defeat that I have truly failed, when the goal is a healthy pursuit of course. Perseverance is required; I need to pick myself up, brush off the dirt, lick my wounds, and carry on with what I have learned in the attempt. My life was empty and without any real direction when I lived either for my addiction, or to fulfill the will of others. It’s only when I am working towards goals that serve the purpose of my Higher Power that I actually get fulfillment. These are the things in life that matter, that give meaning to my existence, and will bring me joy and true satisfaction.

Affirmation I can accept failure as part of the process of growing and changing. I will not give up on my core goals and beliefs, and trust that the process to get to the end is part of the experience.

July 17

”A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.” George Bernard Shaw

I don’t like making mistakes. And the only thing I like worse than making one, is admitting it. Yet it is the admittance of the mistake, and not the fact that I made it, where the opportunity for growth lays hidden. In owning up for the errors of my ways, my imperfections, I gain insight and valuable experience, and the chance to try again. I cannot imagine a life spent doing nothing. It would be boring, stagnant, and very long. Life is about purpose and exploration, curiosity and discovery, in trial and, yup you guessed it, error. I am part of this imperfect species known as the human race. I don’t know all the answers even if I might say or act as though I do sometimes. I am simply blundering along as best I can, trying not to really foul things up. Being a recovering addict continues to be a humbling experience. Taking the long hard looks in the mirror has forced me to reconcile with myself and my inner demons, to accept myself wholly, strengths and faults alike. It is in this self-awareness that I can seek balance, that I can find serenity within, and find the ways to let my Higher Power guide me.

Affirmation In seeking I will find, and there are no better opportunities to see myself than by looking at my mistakes and growing from them.

December 27

”You cannot hold back a good laugh any more than you can the tide. Both are forces of nature.” William Rotsler

When life has me down and I need to find a way out of my depressed state, I usually have to go no further than looking at the children in my life, my own or those of friends. To see their free spirits, their ability to just have fun, lightens my heart and gives me reason to want to be a part of life rather than staying alone with the thoughts in my head. It also does me good to look at myself and recall those moments when I have done some humorous things. It’s healthy for me to be able to poke fun at myself, to be humble enough to admit I have made some mistakes or taken decisions that were mildly to downright hilarious. Laughter is indeed good medicine. The more I am able to laugh, joke, or cajole with others about my addiction, the less power those experiences hold over me. In viewing my past with irony and even some ridicule, I can distance myself from the all-consuming nature of my inner demons. Knowing that I can make light of former behaviours does not excuse what I have done, but it is a sign of being in recovery and moving forward.

Affirmation Laugh and let go of the hurt and shame of the past. I am human and my mistakes can transform into humour as I move on in a better direction today.

December 3 (61)

”Making mistakes simply means you are learning faster.” Weston H. Angor

Recovery has and continues to be a humbling experience. I have stalled quite a few times in my recovery, trying to figure out the best or perfect way to go forward. From trying to define my circles and my personal definition of abstinence, to creating my list of character defects, I have not always been the easiest client who simply follows the program. As hard as my head might be, after several repetitions from some key members that the steps aren’t a one-time do-them-and-you’re-cured remedy, I am coming to grips with not having to do them exactly right the first time. The key is to do them to the best of my ability and just to get started working my way through the process. My Higher Power doesn’t expect me to follow everything the right way all of a sudden, the importance is that I continue along the better path, and continue to keep faith in His will. All the mistakes I am making in recovery are signs that I am breaking out of my old patterns and trying new things. The discomfort I feel is perfectly normal as I am no longer relying on old habits and coping mechanisms that are familiar. Change is an uncomfortable state that I am trying to embrace as I focus on my recovery.

Affirmation I accept that I am going to make mistakes in working my program. The importance is that I keep at it.

March 2

”Our words must be judged by our deeds; and in striving for a lofty ideal we must use practical methods; and if we cannot attain all at one leap, we must advance towards it step by step, reasonably content so long as we do actually make progress in the right direction.” Theodore Roosevelt

Practice, practice, practice! How often have we heard that mantra, or even repeated it to someone who is learning something new. It’s a concept that was drilled into us as kids, but as adults we know the value of repetition in enhancing a particular skill or ability. The same applies in our steps to recovery. The more we practice with the tools, the more meetings we attend, the more we share our experience, strength and hope, the more we gain comfort in the new abilities and confidence that we acquire as a result. The other side of practice is making mistakes. Few of us can pick up a new hobby or sport and be exceptional right away. Part of the learning experience is making errors, trying something until we find the best way, and learning from those things that don’t work quite so well. The same goes in learning to be a recovering sex addict. We’ll make mistakes along the way, but we can make progress.

Affirmation Today I will put emphasis on practicing my tools of recovery, and learning from my mistakes.