March 24

”We don't heal in isolation, but in community.” S. Kelley Harrell

Strange times, strange times indeed. The world today feels like it is collapsing inward. Self-isolation is the buzzword in every heart. As an addict, I have a love/hate relationship with isolation. My addict craved isolation, sought excuse after excuse to get those moments alone where it could be satisfied. And in early recovery I feared isolation, afraid to give that space for my addiction to increase it's tendrils of temptation. Thankfully I have a foundation of recovery, and a community that is a large part of that. It involves my sponsor, sponsees and fellow brothers and sisters in the program. It has expanded to include family and close friends, and I know I am not alone, not on my own to fight the daily battle to remain safe and sober. I am grateful for the 12 Steps and the guidance they have provided to lead me back to serenity and sanity. I have found an inner strength which has sprung forth from the depths of my pain and suffering. So I no longer fear isolation as I once did, for I have a strong network of support to keep me on the path of recovery.

Affirmation

I will take measures to ensure I am not isolating myself today, and reach out to someone who is there to support me and my recovery.

September 27

”Concentration is the secret of strength.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

Temptation is usually strongest when I feel weak. The program mentions the HALT warning signs – Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and Tired. It’s quite true for me that those states are times when I feel more vulnerable. Each of these diminishes my ability to concentrate, to focus on using the tools of recovery rather than turning to my old tried and true behaviours. Being in any of those HALT moods saps my strength and opens cracks in my defence that my addict is always searching for. I need to recognize those things that weaken my resolve. There are often simple ways for me to take care of myself to increase the odds in my favour. I need to ensure that I get enough rest, diffuse my anger through journaling or exercise, connect with others instead of isolating and maintain a balanced diet and avoid excess fast food and junk food. My spiritual strength is also a big factor in my resilience to temptation. Seeing as how my addiction built a wall around my spiritual connections, ensuring I continue to pray, meditate, read spiritual literature and reflect on life are all healthy ways to ground myself. These too are affected when I neglect my basic needs. As the saying goes, First Things First. I need look after my physical body in order to take care of my emotional and spiritual selves.

Affirmation I will pay attention to my basic needs. This is a fundamental step to help me focus on my emotional and spiritual well-being.

September 22

”The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.” Oscar Wilde

My addiction seems to hold true to this idea. Once a seed is planted to fall into middle or inner circle behaviour, it is an inevitability that I will find myself there. It may take minutes, hours or even days, but eventually I will succumb to the uncontrollable desire. Yet if I honestly look at my period of recovery thus far, while I have indeed slipped along the way, I certainly have not acted upon every addictive thought that has crossed my mind, in fact far from it. There is one part of my recovery where it is still challenging to be gentle to myself. The perfectionist in me wants the clean track record, no slips, and no fantasies, to deny anything that is part of who I no longer wish to be. While that is the goal I am striving for, I need to be gentler and realistic in seeing that I will not achieve this instantaneously. There is no switch to flip to turn that part of me off. I am glad that even though I give in to the temptation from time to time, that I can disagree with Mr. Wilde in believing that this is always the case. I have choices and I can choose to do something else. Recovery continues to give me ways to live differently and handle the situations life puts before me.

Affirmation I have choices and there is power within me, supported by my Higher Power and my fellowship, to choose a new path.

March 28

”I find that it is not the circumstances in which we are placed, but the spirit in which we face them, that constitutes our comfort.” Elizabeth T. King

Temptation is something I still struggle with on a daily basis. I am constantly faced with situations that can feed my addiction or that will test my resolve. Most of the time I can recognize the pull and let it go, or say the Serenity Prayer or just remember to breathe and let the moment pass. But other times I dip in my toes to test the water, and even occasionally have to pull back after realizing that I have waded in waist deep. My spiritual health plays a big role in how easily I can resist the urge of my addictive triggers. When I am consistent in my prayer and meditation, when I turn my will over to my Higher Power on a daily basis and practice my affirmations, my ability to more easily turn away from temptation is strengthened. My serenity aids me in seeing those desires for the empty promises that they truly are and to consider the consequences of me being lured along that seductive avenue. The disease is truly powerful, cunning and baffling and seems to rear its ugly head when I least expect it. My recovery forces me to be ever-vigilant and to maintain my a healthy spiritual self.

Affirmation Today I choose to be in recovery and empower myself by working on my spiritual health.