April 23

"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” Joseph Campbell

Unlearning is an important part of my recovery program. I have grown up with false beliefs and perceptions of the world around me. My growth has happened as much from the new things I have been presented as it has been in letting go of old things that no longer support my life and its path forward. This is my understanding of Step Three, of turning my will and my life over to the care of the God of my understanding. It is opening myself to a divine guidance to lead me into the life I was meant to live. It is accepting that I am not in control of everything, and that often I do not know what is best for me. Letting go has been challenging work, it has not been a natural thing to handle. But like many things I am learning and practicing it gets easier with time. I am seeing the positive results as I submit myself to seek the counsel of my Higher Power and stop resisting the course He wants me to follow.

Affirmation

Let Go and Let God is the principle I shall try to focus on today, to seek out His Will and go in the direction that is offered.

March 25

”Nothing diminishes anxiety faster than action.” Walter Anderson

Feeling anxious is a normal part of me. It happens most often when I am confronted with the unknown, when the future is uncertain. It is my worries about the future, about things to come.     In the past, anxiety was one of the driving forces for turning to my addiction to cope. In recovery, I am learning that there are different avenues for me to take. Probably the most effective tools for me in times of uncertainty are the Serenity Prayer and Step Three. From the Serenity Prayer, recognizing the things I cannot change, often the seeds of my worries, and focusing on what I can, helps to ground me in the present moment. And from Step Three, opening myself to the will of my Higher Power, is about trusting in His plan, and that everything is going to work itself out in the end.      These are simple actions I can take. Moreover, focusing on the routine of my day, taking care of the things that need to be done, also is a healthy distraction from my anxiety. I need to look after myself and my basic needs and fulfill my responsibilities to my family, my work, etc. As the saying goes, this too shall pass.

Affirmation

I will take the actions necessary to progress through today, even if I am feeling anxious or worried.

February 1

”You can’t fix your broken thinking with your broken thinking.” Anonymous

One of my challenges in accepting that I suffered from an addiction, that I had this disease, was coming to terms with the fact that I couldn’t fix myself with anything I already knew. By delving into the First Step, by admitting that my life was unmanageable and that I was out of control, I saw the many ways in which I had, unsuccessfully tried to do things my way to break the bad habits and patterns of my life. This acceptance of course helped to lead me to the second and third steps, a willingness to turn my life over to a Higher Power that could restore me to sanity. In this way, I moved towards a new way of dealing with life, of trusting in something other than my own will to live, or my addiction, so that I could find my path back to a healthy life. This is the secret of the first three steps, as I understand them. The first means accepting that my thinking, my coping mechanisms, and my reality, are broken. Step Two is the promise of hope of a different way of life if I trust and surrender my will to a safe Higher Power. And finally in the third step I take action, even if only a baby step, by becoming willing to let my Higher Power guide my life and my actions. These steps were transformative for me. With the help of my sponsor and fellow members, progressing through them began the process of turning my life away from the fantastical world of my addiction towards reality. I was able to finally begin to see the fog life from the control of my addictive thinking that had clouded my judgement and reasoning for so long. Faith in my Higher Power led me back into the light of day.

Affirmation

I will remember the basics of the program as expressed in the first three steps today, acknowledge my problem, that there is hope, and that there is a different and better way to live.

December 17

” When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.” Lao Tzu

Steps 3 and 6 are about letting go. Step 3 is about letting go of our own will, and becoming open to the will of a Higher Power to guide us to sanity. It’s a turning point for many where we admit, where I admitted, that there had to be a different way to live. It was at that point where I had to trust in something outside myself to lead me down a healthier road, even if I didn’t fully understand what exactly I was putting my faith in at the time. I only knew that I was no longer able to rely on my own broken thinking to get me there. By Step 6 I was ready to start the process of being re-made. This is where I again chose to be willing for change, to allow for my defects of character, my tried and true ways of dealing with life, to be removed. Looking back it reminds me of the work I did to restore my first car, the stripping and sanding of all the body work to get it prepared for restoration. Working Step 6 is a preparation to remove things that no longer work to support a healthy way of living, in order to have the capacity to accept something new and better in its place. It is acknowledging that we are broken, but having faith that letting go will propel us forward. Both these steps were critical on my path of recovery to help me experience true transformation. It was the shedding of my protective coverings, my old habits, my behaviours that had out-lived their purpose. My Higher Power has been true to His nature, replacing those weather-worn practices with ways that have indeed improved my quality of living, my serenity, and ultimately my sanity.

Affirmation

Letting go is a difficult, but necessary, part of my transformation on my journey of recovery. The pain is worth the reward.

October 22

”For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11

Step 3 is about turning our will and our life over the care of the God of our understanding. This is a deliberate act to relinquish control in my life, not to become a puppet, but to be lead because left to my own devices I tend to go astray. It is about faith and hope in a being/entity/source greater than me that frankly has a better understanding of life, the universe and everything. It’s also a sign of trust that my Higher Power, given the chance, will lead me down a better, brighter and more prosperous path. An acronym I quite like for God is Good Orderly Direction. That is what my prayer and meditation tend to focus on, asking for advice, direction, and aide in following God’s will. The complementary component to my prayer is to give thanks, to take the time to show gratitude for all the wonderful things that I have in life, all the ways that my Higher Power is taking care of me. I have had many false “gods” in my life, my addiction the most obvious, but I have become obsessed with others like recognition, fame, and fortune in periods of my life as well. Worshipping things of this world only mires me deeper in the problems of my earthly life. Experience is showing me that worshipping my spiritual source is not only taking away many of my worldly concerns, it is giving me freedom, joy and contentment that I never believed I could enjoy.

Affirmation

I will trust in my Higher Power, for His will and intention are good and just. In giving Him praise, I acknowledge all that He has done for me.

October 11

”Life is what we make it, always has been, always will be.” Grandma Moses

Life has been strangely simply since I started to turn it over to the God of my understanding. There has been a new freedom in seeking out His will instead of my own. There has also been a great deal of relief in having the time and energy to focus on those things within my power, rather than giving it all to my addiction. Life is what I choose to make it? Well I suppose to a degree that’s true, but I do really believe that I am to ask for the guidance from my Higher Power to find the right path. There is an opposing choice which I do believe to be false. If I simply sit and wait for the right things to happen in my life, they’re not going to. I have been giving skills and abilities that I need to use to fulfill my purpose and be of service to others. Ignoring them will not take me down the road that I am supposed to follow. So there I have it – I need prayer and meditation to ask for guidance and to seek the will of my Higher Power. Then I need to use my talents to work towards those goals and to do His work. Like this blog, which I know is no longer only a tool for myself but for many others who I am grateful are also able to benefit from my experience. I need to continue to serve others, to be a committed part of my groups, my workplace and my community. I have been given a great gift in recovery of discovering who I am and learning how to transform my suffering into healing.

Affirmation

Staying on course is about me asking for guidance as well taking the steps to complete the tasks and objectives given to me.

February 21

”He who closes his ears to the views of others shows little confidence in the integrity of his own views.” William Congreve

Step Three is about having the willingness to turn our lives over to the care of our Higher Power. One of the ways I think this happens is in my acceptance that this will manifest in those around me. And in order to be willing, then I need to be open to the opinions and advice of others. Their influence can be a sign or direction from the God of my understanding, but I have to be listening and looking for it. Sometimes what is said from others supports my ideas and plans, reinforcing what I have already intended to do. This acknowledgement can be a confirmation of what I am supposed to be doing. It can also be the opposite. I need to be willing to examine the source of this support, is it from someone who is normally a positive influence in my life, or not? The same contradiction exists when those around me are against my views and plans. Depending on the person who is sharing, they may be challenging my ideas to make them stronger and find flaws, or it may be out of a genuine concern that they are not necessarily the healthiest choice for me to make. All in all, this requires the ability on my part to listen to others and take the time to understand their point of view.

Affirmation Listening to others does not degrade the value of my own thoughts and ideas. Rather, it can reinforce what I have chosen, or be a warning to let me steer my actions in another direction.

December 20

”When the road ahead is dark, And you don’t know where to go, Take another step, take another step, Trust God and take another step” Stephen Curtis Chapman

The light at the end of the tunnel has not always shone brightly, if at all sometimes. There have been many times, in my active addiction as in my recovery, where the situation has seemed bleak and without much hope. The hardest thing has been to keep pushing forward, to trust that my Higher Power would take care of me. Standing still does nothing to move me towards change. Many steps in recovery have been taken in blind faith, with the hope of those who have gone before me that it was the right thing to do. Leaning on other’s wisdom and advice has not come naturally, and surrendering my own will has not been easy. But I have made much more progress in changing my life and moving away from my past by allowing myself to be guided in this way. As the Steps show me, turning my life and my will over to the God of my understanding is something I need to do in order to heal. This act of surrender frees me from the burden of guilt and shame that has kept me trapped for so many years. And it loosening the grip of my dark shadow makes taking each step that much easier.

Affirmation “In God I Trust” is a good slogan to help me surrender my will and allow myself to be open to the guidance of my Higher Power.

September 2

”God gives every bird its food, but He does not throw it into its nest.” J. G. Holland

The 3rd Step is about our willingness to let the God of our understanding show us a better way, an openness to seek to do His will rather than to be controlling everything on our own. This letting go and surrender of the direction of our life doesn’t leave us to simply be a passenger on the bus our Higher Power is driving. While we ask for guidance, we still have our part to play in fulfilling those goals set before us. It’s true for me that I have learned to turn things over to my Higher Power. But that means letting go of those things and people over which I have no control. There is still work for me to do to uphold my own responsibility. I am still required to continue working on myself in overcoming my shortcomings, in sharing my talents and in realizing the goals set before me. Prayer and meditation are the tools for me to seek out the will of my Higher Power. I need to learn patience and understanding to see the goal I am being led towards, the destination that I usually don’t arrive at via the path I was expecting. It takes a lot of faith and courage to allow life to unfold as it should rather than trying to manipulate and bend it to my own will. Yet the end result is always better, and I am more serene during the trip.

Affirmation I realize things will not often come to me when or how I want, but with work, perseverance and faith in my Higher Power, they will come to fruition.

August 20

”For with God nothing shall be impossible.” Luke 1:37

Surrendering to the will of my Higher Power has likely been the most challenging, but also rewarding, part of my recovery. Letting go, looking for direction on how to live as opposed to trying make things happen as I wish or believe they should be, has given me a freedom I scarce believed existed while I was ill and struggling in my addiction. On nearly a daily basis I can see proof of my Higher Power’s influence in my life. It happens in the events I experience and the people I encounter. It even happens directly to me, and it certainly has been evident in most of my writing. I can no longer ignore the fact, my belief, that there is someone else out there with a master plan, and that there is a role for me to play. So when life takes a turn for the worse these days, I am more at peace, and more able to stop and pray for help and guidance. I can ask my Higher Power to get through whatever I am facing, or turn the situation over to him with the confidence that it will work out the way he has planned if I am patient. I am more likely to seek, and listen to, the counsel of others than in the past. I no longer have the desire to be the only one who knows what is right and what needs to be done. I am content to let someone else hold the reins, yet I realize I still need to uphold my responsibilities and duties. For with God as my partner, all things are possible.

Affirmation I am willing to turn my life over to the care of God, as I understand him, and to seek to do his will today.

June 24

”Confidence on the outside begins by living with integrity on the inside.” Brian Tracy

A fellow member was recently sharing about how they have been discovering their Higher Power while working Steps Two and Three. A phrase that they used really struck me, the fact that this person now felt comfortable to “lean into the struggle.” It was a great visual that made me reflect on my own story and how I used to recoil from confrontation. Complete avoidance or running away used to be the way I would escape, and then I would have bury the shame of feeling less than by acting out. These days, while I do not openly seek out conflict, I have regained confidence in myself to face up to situations that are worthwhile, where my character, values or morals are jeopardized. I am aware that this new strength and courage is a direct result of living a life that has a strong base of integrity and honesty. This change has only been possible because I too have reconnected to my Higher Power and have found the will to surrender. I do not fully comprehend what God’s plans are for me or what path lies before me. But I am learning to trust that his plan is a good one and that He means me no harm. I am open, ready and willing to follow His Good Orderly Direction, to be receptive to His will and not my own.

Affirmation I am grateful for discovering the power of surrendering each day to the God of my understanding. May His will, not mine, be done.

April 30

”Where the soul is full of peace and joy, outward surroundings and circumstances are of comparatively little account.” Hannah Whitall Smith

An important realization that I have had while working Steps Two and Three is that in turning my life over to my Higher Power, I also need to be open to how that power greater than myself will work through others around me. This is really why both prayer and meditation are important. Asking for help and guidance is only half the solution, the other half is being open and listening for the answer. When I live and breathe from a serene state, when I turn over those things I cannot control to my Higher Power, it is amazing how much easier it is to deal with day-to-day life. Having that inner peace is something that I strove to find in my addiction and acting out, yet all it brought me was chaos and turmoil. This new way of living is much more pleasant and rewarding, without as many negative side effects. Life is still challenging. I still face difficult choices, conflict, controversy and change. Yet I am becoming better equipped to handle life as it happens, rather than avoiding, isolating or delaying what has transpired. I am far from perfect, but each step of progress is encouraging and gives credence to the idea that working my program will restore my sanity.

Affirmation Today I will be open to the way that my Higher Power works through those around me.