May 6

"Prayer does not change God, but it changes him who prays."  Soren Keirkegaard

I have to admit than in the past year or so I have felt several pulls into potential activities to be more of service. I have felt this need to find the right fit to put my skills and talents to use, feeling like I was being called by my Higher Power to do just so. Yet everything so far has been just a bright, flashy light attracting my attention. I have made attempts to pursue many of these, yet none has materialized into something solid. Today I am in a similar state, the latest thing to catch my attention is sitting in front of me, and I am questioning if this is the path I am meant to follow. Is it where my Higher Power wants me to focus my attention and make a commitment to this cause? My honest answer is that I simply do not know, being even more unsure of myself and this potential direction given all the other shiny things to which I have been drawn. So this time around I am making a change, I am praying for guidance and direction. I am asking others to do the same, to see if this is indeed the way I am being called forward. I do not know how the answer will come or what it will be. I am simply trusting in God, being faithful to His will, and offering myself to be of service. Let His will be done and I shall be content.

Affirmation

Prayer is my connection to my Higher Power and I will use it to seek direction and guidance when I do not know which way to turn.

September 5

”It's better to look ahead and prepare than to look back and regret.” Jackie Joyner Kersee

I really have a hard time in situations where I don’t know what is going to happen. A little bit of good news tends to make me overly happy and positive about the outcome. A bit of bad news has the tendency to completely deflate my mood and outlook. Finding some middle ground between the two is a real struggle. Thankfully, I am aware of my behaviours in these situations. And, rather than escaping as I would have in the past, I am gaining the ability to sit with my emotions, to talk about them with others, and to pray for guidance on how to move forward. These are things I can do to take care of myself, to prepare for whatever may come, and to ready myself for the results. Letting go and letting the will of my Higher Power come to pass takes a great deal of patience and faith. Surrendering means not being stuck on having things turn out the way I want but trusting that they will work out as God has planned. But in the end, I need to maintain my sanity by focusing on whatever is in my control and finding acceptance for the rest.

Affirmation I will pray for my Higher Power’s support when I find myself in a challenging spot today, and trust in the guidance to lead me in the right direction.

May 10

”Accept no one’s definition of your life, but define yourself.” Harvey Fierstein

I remember from a very young age developing the notion that I did not want to grow up like my father. I am not sure I even knew what that meant fully at the time, nor in the years that followed, but it was somehow a self-promise to be better than the standard he represented. The problem is that the more I tried to enforce this idea, the more like him I became. I have lived through periods of defiance, where I firmly believed that no one could define who I was and that the way to do things was to turn away from all those people who could guide me in finding the path that was right for me to take. The best result that I achieved through that course of action was to become even more lost than I thought possible. My recovery has taught me that being my own person is more about my surrendering to the possibility that I don’t know best rather than assuming that I do possess that knowledge. I am realizing that I don’t know the path of my future, heck I am not even holding the map. It is through others that I can be guided when I open myself to the workings of my Higher Power in those around me. Today I wish to be more like my father rather than so different, for his path of recovery can surely aid my own.

Affirmation I will be open to the definition of my path that my Higher Power offers and look for the guidance that is provided.