January 2

”Decide on what you think is right, and stick to it.” George Eliot

That little voice in the back of my head, my conscience, has become louder as I have kept up longer and longer periods of sobriety. My growing awareness of my thoughts, words and actions make it that much harder for me to live in blind ignorance, especially when to comes to anything that pertains to my addiction and recovery. I can no longer innocently claim that I don’t know any better as it is simply not true. One of the cornerstones of my recovery is my rigorous honesty, both with me and with others. This means that just answering questions truthfully when asked is not enough, but that I have to willingly disclose information that I am not questioned about. It means checking in with my sponsor or someone else in the program on a regular basis, on good days and bad days alike. My gut instinct has regained its place as a source to be trusted. No longer is my life dominated by my sexually compulsive behaviours, but by my recovery. The scales have tipped back in favour of my Higher Power and so I must remain vigilant and honest about keeping my choices in line with that balance. I do know better and as a result I am doubly accountable for my actions.

Affirmation I resolve to stay committed to my recovery today and to knowingly make choices to support that decision rather than settling for my old, poor behaviours.

June 13

”Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” Anonymous

I am learning how to be more rigorously honest, about myself and with others. Lying and keeping secrets are traits from my past that I don’t want to be part of the recovering me. It takes energy and effort to speak what is true and to express how I feel. But at the end of the day I can feel good about having lived my day with integrity and authenticity. I rarely feel like I live a double life. I see my life more like the yin-yang symbol. There is hope in my darkness that is increasing yet there still exists some darkness in all that is good. To be balanced and whole I need to recognize and accept all that the aspects of who I am. Just because the potential for me to do wrong exists within me, I can choose not to give in to those temptations and desires. When I turn my will and my life over to my Higher Power I find the strength to focus on using my outer circle behaviours, my positive traits and character assets and I live a fuller, saner and better life. At the end of the day I am accountable only to myself and my Higher Power. If I can reflect on my daily activities, rejoice in the good and learn from the bad that I have lived to the best of my ability. Progress in a positive direction is my aim.

Affirmation Living with integrity is my goal for today; I no longer care to live as a hypocrite.