July 10

”If you take care of the small things, the big things take care of themselves.” Emily Dickinson

It is still scary how the little things can throw off my life and impact my serenity. One of the things that has always, and continues to bother me is a lack of communication. It still shocks me how quickly not getting the information or regular contact I need can easily lead me to the conceive the worst, most disastrous situations which are all too often unfounded and just a result of my imagination run wild. I dislike how rapidly being in the dark, and I mean less than a 24-hour period, I can bring myself to the edge of despair and hopelessness. The other major drawback is that falling into this mental black hole also opens the door to my addictive thinking. My dark mood can all too readily spiral my thought patterns back to middle and inner circle planning and fantasizing. It is challenging trying to turn over the unknown to my Higher Power. When I feel desperate for knowledge I still struggle to accept that many of these things will not resolve themselves according to my schedule. I need support and friendly reminders about staying focused in the present to maintain my serenity and sobriety. My program requires me to seek moderation and compulsively obsessing about anything will not lead me in the right direction.

Affirmation I need to be aware of places in my life where I obsess. This can be turned over to the God of my understanding to help guard my sanity.

July 5

”The first thing, the last thing, start from where you are.” Dale Pendell

I don’t like when I find myself in a situation where I am stuck with a particular incident running through my thoughts that it is the only thing I concentrate on and I lose sight of everything else. It is maddening to become so frustrated, hung up, obsessed by what someone has said or done, or something that I have done or said that I am no longer living in the present. Times like these make me feel like I am back in my active addiction, unable to manage my life and simply being out of control. It is challenging to break the cycle, to find a way to simply stop and breathe, reach out to my Higher Power, call someone from my support group, or change my direction and come back to the here and now. I can lose minutes, hours or even days “what if’ing” the event to death. When I finally exit this state of mind, not only do I get upset for the time I have lost, but I have also often neglected others as well as important events that are a part of my life. I truly need the assistance of my Higher Power to let go of the things beyond my control as I can all too easily fall into their clutches. I need to do a self-reboot, refocus myself in the present moment and take a reality check. Only then can I feel secure in taking the next step forward.

Affirmation I will try and be aware of the thoughts and feelings that preoccupy me today. If they persist I need to find a way to let them go to stay present.