A New Beginning

As my postings for yesterday and today attest, somethings must eventually come to an end. Today's meditation closes out a complete year's worth of daily thoughts. Through my experience of writing these 366 entries, I have grown in my program, and hope that my humble words have helped others along the way as much as they have helped me to get to know myself better.

I am now transitioning into a new phase of my recovery. I am looking forward to spending the next year as a reader of my own words, to reflect on just how far along my path I have come since putting pen to paper. It will be an interesting twist to see how much of my own story will relate to the days ahead.

I still intend to keep writing meditations, but not necessarily with the same vigour as I have over the past year and half. Journalling has become an important tool to help me reflect and deal with the challenges I face as I stumble down my path of recovery, so I know better than to ignore something that is of use to my own growth.

I hope that if you have become a regular follower that you continue to check for new material, or refer to the older posts. Wherever you are in your own journey, I pray that you continue to make that all-important choice each day, and choose to be in recovery.

God Bless and may you spend this day in Serenity.

A Lesson in Humility

Well, so here is the gist of the matter. With all the best intentions (read planning and scheming), I boldy set out publishing my meditations with, I thought, a reasonable stockpile of roughly 90 reviewed, ready-to-post, meditations in m back pocket. I reasoned that if I could maintain a pace of writing 5 new ones a week, well, then I should relatively easily make it to posting a continuous 366 day's worth. So here we are after 2/3 of a year published, and the well of meditations has run dry. Well, maybe that is an overstatement - there are certainly plently of ideas running around in my head, its more the lack of having extracted them onto paper, then typing  them up and reviewing them to prepare them for posting that is missing.

So, to any of you have been faithful followers, my sincerest apologies as I expect that for the foreseeable future, that there may be, dare I say it, holes in my daily meditations. I have been slowly switching to a daily routine, but I know that life, as it often does, will through kinks into the works that will challenge me to keep this a true daily posting.

Still, on a personal note, having completed just over 240 meditations, a combined effort of about a year's worth of work, feels pretty good. I am going to accept a self pat-on-the-back for not having given up, well, at least entirely, on this aspect of my recovery, which has had the added benefit of bringing me closer with my parents, of all people, who have been a great support throughout these past months of change.

SoI hope you bear with me as the transition takes place, and who knows, maybe making this a truer "daily" blog won't be so bad after all. I have faith that my Higher Power knows what is best and will be there to support me in all my endeavours.

In Serenity,
Arthur

September 24

”I love you, and because I love you, I would sooner have you hate me for telling the truth than adore me for telling you lies.” Pietro Aretino

Joining SAA has been the start of a re-commitment to being honest. It is hard to start being truthful to myself, admitting my mistakes, acknowledging my actions, and being prepared to accept the consequences. It has been a simple admission that I am not a bad person but that I have made poor decisions that led me to my bottoming out. Today is about making better choices. I have more confidence as I know I don’t need to do things all on my own. I am learning to trust in the God of my understanding to remain teachable and open to His will. The atmosphere of my meetings has provided me safe haven to share my secrets and deflate their power. It has allowed me to accept myself as I am, the good parts and the not-so-good all mixed together. I feel much less shame about who I am and what I have done. My continuing journey of self-acceptance has enabled me to carry this confidence into the rest of my life. I am improving as a father, as a colleague and as a friend as I connect with others rather than isolating and hiding in my own little world. Honesty is a regular part of my day, in all things big or small. It’s important to me that I be an authentic and genuine person. I feel better at the end of the day knowing that I have followed the better path in dealing with others and with myself.

Affirmation For today I will focus on telling the truth and in listening to the true way I feel as events take place around me.

April 11

”If we celebrate the years behind us they become stepping stones of strength and joy for the years ahead.” Anonymous

One powerful tool of recovery is to share our life story. This may be accomplished through a Step One, or may be something that is done simply with a fellow member or our sponsor. It can be done as a written history that is read out loud or it can be recounted ad lib. Regardless, sharing our past can be beneficial in letting go of the power of the past that we’ve given too much control. Dwelling on what has been taken away from our ability to focus on the future. In letting go of the past and only using it to learn how to live better for today we will be able to forge a tomorrow. We can find the good times to bolster our attitude when needed and share our experience with other like us who still suffer. We will free ourselves of old guilt, shame and fear to be able to courageously move forward in recovery.

Affirmation My past is gone but what I have learned can help me face the challenges of today.

Lean On Me - Introduction

I started writing these daily meditations as part of my own journey in recovery. I have always been drawn to quotations from a variety of sources, and once in the SAA program I began to see many in a new light. Before long I started a journal, filled with quotes that spoke to me, not only in terms of where I was in my recovery, but where I wanted to be. I also started to bring in tidbits of wisdom, hope and strength from fellow SAA members, and those thoughts to have been captured in my reflections within these pages.

I am a sex addict, and will be for all the days of my life. But this no longer discourages me; rather it gives me great joy and even pleasure as I have been fortunate to discover such wonderful people, a second family that exists within the program. And in keeping with the SAA program and steps of recovery, this work is part of my Step 12, “Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other sex addicts, and to practice these principles in our lives.”

The title, Lean on Me, comes directly from the song by the same name. I have found a new family in my fellowship, and have leaned on as many people as I have found that I have been the shoulder there to support someone else. One of the biggest comforts I have found, and have heard echoed from others is that within our groups we no longer feel alone. We have found companions who understand us, have shared our struggles, our hopes and success, and seek to gain sobriety and sanity by working the program.

I am taking the risk of opening my thoughts to the world at large, and to receive criticism against my wisdom in the midst of the chaos of my recovery. I have shared some of what is within these pages with others in my fellowship, and have found they have struck a chord with most. My words come from my heart, and moments of clarity where I am best connected with my Higher Power. May God grant you serenity in reviewing my humble beginnings.