May 26

”We know we were made for so much more than ordinary lives, Its time for us to more than just survive, We were made to thrive.” Casting Crowns

It’s taken finding myself in recovery to realize that I spent too many of my years simply existing. I no longer accept that as good enough. Simply passing from day to day is not what I desire. I find it hard to believe that my Higher Power, who created all the wonderful and beautiful things in the world, only wants me to go through the motions of life. To thrive, to flourish, to quote Thoreau, to suck out all the marrow of life, this is what we are meant to do, how we are meant to spend our meagre time on this mortal coil. Many of the best poets and authors have found these small glimpses of truth. It is not the mundane day-to-day affairs that should be our goal, but to strive for the impossible, to seek the unreachable, to accomplish the unthinkable. Today, this minute, this moment, is a marvellous opportunity and gift for me to make the most of, to seek the small nirvana that lies within it. There are only barriers if I choose to believe they are there, only fears to hold me back of my own doing. Life is too short to be wasted on mere existence, it’s time for me to live vigorously, thrive and prosper.

Affirmation

I am blessed by so many things, but the simplest is my life, with so much potential, in a world where anything can happen.

October 11

”When making choices in life, do not neglect to live.” Samuel Johnson

I can look back more objectively at my life and the times I lived in active addiction. I can see in retrospect that many of my choices were not about living, not about experiencing and enjoying the world around me. Instead they were focused on one sole train of thought – feeding my addiction. I truly did spend much of my time worshipping that idol of sex. I worked to have the resources to support my habit. I stressed about finances, conflicts and life events to feed the reason for my dependence on my addict as my coping mechanism and I rationalized it all away, not taking any responsibility for my actions. Today my decisions are made for better purposes. I choose to be in recovery and make it a priority. I choose to be second, putting the will of the God of my understanding before my own. I choose to serve others. I chose to love, to forgive, to seek and give kindness. I also choose to recognize my addict but not give in any more. I choose not to regret, not to carry resentments, nor to beat myself up for my mistakes – past, present or future. I choose to be part of the world around me rather than isolate, I choose to be an active participant.

Affirmation I have received the gift of choice; let me make the best ones to support my recovery today.

July 1

”The stronger the winds, the deeper the roots, and the longer the winds, the more beautiful the tree.” Charles Swindell

I think the meaning behind this quote is that if we weather the storms of life, if we face our fears, then we are better for it when we come out the other side. Living through challenging situations builds character and strength, and if we survive by relying on our Higher Power, on others and our own talents and abilities we will build integrity and resolve. We can choose to survive in other ways. My life in addiction was not a healthy way to survive the struggles of life, but to cower in fear, blame others, create more chaos and destruction. In essence coping through my acting out behaviours caused me to shrink, to ignore my talents and abilities or twist them to impure uses, to rely on no one but myself in isolation, to deny all that was beautiful and project only ugliness. This was not truly living by any stretch of the imagination, but only existing in the merest sense of the word. The challenges of life today feel different than in the past, mainly due to my new faith in y Higher Power and my program. The winds of change continue to blow but I now recognize the opportunity to strengthen my roots, to lean on others for support and, above all else, to trust in God.

Affirmation I will live today rather than merely exist or survive…my life is worth being enjoyed and shared.