July 18

”Our experience has taught me that happiness and passion in marriage do not come from finding the right partner, but in being the right partner.” Bill and Pam Farrel

My relationship with my partner is an important of my life, as is my partner. I am learning that I need to see this from 3 different perspectives. There is the aspect of self, that of my partner, and also the relationship which exists between us, but that is an entity unto itself. The health of things between me and my partner depends on taking care of each of these pieces. I need to take care of myself, my basic needs of food, love, shelter, security and spirituality. This includes working my program and spending time doing my outer circle activities. I need to take care of my partner by doing things like spending time with them, being considerate and respectful, helping out with chores and displaying my love and affection for them. I also need to put time and effort into the relationship between us. For me this means activities like having deep, meaningful conversations about our dreams and aspirations, resolving conflicts, and planning for goals. It also involves reading self-help books, attending seminars, and watching movies about strengthening a relationship. Prayer is also a core ingredient to help build intimacy. When I back off on even one piece of the puzzle, the relationship as a whole suffers. This is an important lesson to remember. I need not go to extravagant measures every day, but putting a bit of my energy into each of the three parts is a healthy plan. Continual work will ensure the longevity of the relationship, as well as my satisfaction and happiness within it.

Affirmation

Today I will ensure to take time for myself, to spend time with my partner and to work on our relationship, in order to maintain this wonderful gift I have been given.

December 26

”All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.” J. R. R. Tolkien

Some days I am really discouraged with myself, and with how little I am doing to take care of my needs. It happens on days when I go to get dressed and can’t find clothes that fit properly and I am reminded that I have not been exercising as much as I would like, or eating as healthy as I should. It happens on days that I pick up my pen to write and realize it’s been days or weeks since I last put an entry in my journal. It happens when I go to a meeting and have to look at the calendar to recall the last time I sat around the table with my brothers and sisters in recovery. Staying focused on my recovery takes effort. It’s a set of new habits, many of which still do not come naturally to me. I have to set reminders, and have others check up on me to ensure that I remember to follow my program. I need to establish a new routine that includes my new tools to help me progress in my recovery. The more I find excuses to put something off, the easier it is to forget and the harder it is to find the resolve to get back on track. Being sober gives me back the power to choose what to do with my time. However, I need to make the effort to plan my time accordingly, to put recovery work into my daily routine, or my old habits will work their way into squandering my time.

Affirmation Recovery has a lot do to with recreating myself, and that means putting new and healthy habits into my routine to reinforce my sobriety.

January 20

”A professional is someone who can do his best work when he doesn’t feel like it.” Alistair Cooke

I am trying to maintain this professional attitude in terms of my recovery. There are days when I just don’t feel like doing the work for my program, to pick up and read my daily meditation, to reach out to my sponsor, to go to a meeting, to journal, pray or meditate. I need to force myself to get into my routine, and usually the pressure of the simple fact that going back to me addictive patterns is no longer an option. The cost is not worth it, I have too much to lose now. Being in recovery is like having another job. I need to be responsible and do those things that would make me a good employee. And, realistically, the amount of time and effort that I need to expend is a whole lot less than I used to work in my addiction in planning, scheming, in front of my computer, or whatever. Maybe not as pleasurable but certainly more healthy. And I can always change my attitude about what is pleasurable so that my recovery becomes something to enjoy rather than something to dread. It is my new way of life.

Affirmation My recovery will have a bigger reward dependant on the amount of effort and how seriously I work at it.

December 19

” The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and then starting on the first one.” Mark Twain

There are days when I just don’t feel like being in recovery. Sometimes I just want to throw in the towel, give up, lie down in the road and just wait for the next disaster to steamroller over me. Let’s face it, recovery is hard work. It doesn’t happen on a whim, because I think it should, but because I choose to make it happen. Like anything in life, if I try to tackle all of my recovery at once, I will certainly feel like I am overwhelmed and not have much desire to get started. Thankfully the program is broken down into multiple steps, designed to guide me along my recovery gradually. I still need to put the work into each step to keep moving through the process. I know also that I have a network of other that I can rely on to support me and offer suggestions if I am feeling lost. My addiction didn’t surface overnight, nor will my recovery appear as fast. This is a lengthy journey I have embarked upon, and there will be moments where I want to give up. But, then again, returning to the way things used to be, the way I used to live, isn’t’ a viable option either. I will find the resolve to continue forging ahead, one step at a time.

Affirmation One pace, one foot forward, one inch at a time. Progress may come in small doses, but each on is a distancing from my old ways of living.

December 9 (55)

”The height of your accomplishments will equal the depths of your convictions.” William F. Scolavino

My journey in recovery has been one with ups and downs, twists and turns, highs and lows. My start was rocky, tentative and full of doubts. It took time, persistence, encouragement and leaps of faith that the program would deliver me from my suffering. My accomplishments started off small, many barely noticeable, as I took those first steps into recovery. I can look back in retrospect and see more obviously now that my progress has been closely linked to the amount of effort I put into recovery. When I did just enough to get by, I had just enough sobriety to struggle through each day. As I gradually increased my recovery work, took on a service role, co-lead a step study group and made my program a priority in my life, my leaps of faith and progress followed suit. My attitude and conviction in my recovery go a long way in determining the results I can expect. While I may awake each day an addict, my goal is to be in recovery and that frame of mind sets the stage for me to be open to the care of my Higher Power.

Affirmation If I put my energy into recovery then I can expect to reap rewards equal to that effort. I have to give first in order to receive.

September 12

”If you can’t feed a hundred people, then just feed one.” Mother Theresa

I like to make an effort that has an easily measurable reward. Even better, is if there is enough effort to be worthy of recognition of others. Hmm, another character defect…seeking recognition for my efforts to feel validated by others, to let them define my sense of self-worth. This too is another place that can hold me back. So, I can’t go save a whole boatload of people, why should I bother helping someone cross the street? Oh I can’t afford a large donation to the local charity, so why drop a couple of dollars in the bucket for a good cause? Life is about what I can do and accepting it. So maybe for today I can only hold the door open for someone, smile at people as I greet them, or respect the speed limit and the rules of the road. My efforts most likely will go unnoticed by most of the world. So be it…but my Higher Power is watching. My authenticity today, being true to my values and beliefs, will give a reward later, when I least expect it. It is not about recognition from others anyways, it is about living with honesty and integrity. Being able to be comfortable in my own skin is worth more than any reward or compensation.

Affirmation I will be alright with what I can do today, for others and myself. Living to fulfill the will of my Higher Power will have its rewards in time.