December 18

”Mistakes are painful when they happen, but years later a collection of mistakes is what is called experience.” Denis Waitley

The program talks often about members sharing their strength, hope and wisdom. This often happens when someone shares their personal experience. This is one of the most precious moments in a meeting for me, when I am privileged to hear someone share their own story. I gain insight into my own life, my own recovery when I can relate to someone else’s history, see their struggle and their work to overcome the obstacles and challenges before them. Just as my openness to listen to others improves my recovery, so does my willingness to share honestly about my own path. When I find the courage to speak about my own mistakes and successes, when I can share how the program is aiding me in moving in a better direction, it’s more than just personal affirmation that the Steps are making a difference. I also give a testament to other members of the power of working the program. In working the steps, by taking the time for the introspection required to better understand myself and the underlying causes and effects of my addiction, I have also begun the process of turning my mistakes into fuel for improvement. Learning from the past is making my future look brighter, and I am gaining wisdom from the experiences that I have had in my life.

Affirmation

Accepting my past, reflecting upon my mistakes and wisdom, and forging ahead with new knowledge and tools – this is how the program helps me transform my ways towards a better life.

September 30

”Advice is like snow; the softer it falls, the longer it dwells upon, and deeper it sinks into the mind.” Samuel Taylor

My father used to say that he wished he could beat me over the head with all his wisdom and experience, in the hopes that it would sink in and help me avoid many of the pitfalls of life. He certainly tried hard enough to let me take all his hardships as proof that I did not need to follow similar paths in my own life. Unfortunately it seems that I was destined to learn through the school of hard knocks myself, and have taken the harder, painful road more often than the gentler way. Advice and criticism are still things that are hard for me to accept in my daily life. Somewhere along the way I learned that I was supposed to only rely on myself to get by, which has had the side-effect of making me react adversely to critiques by anyone, even those with the best intentions behind them. Here is a major character defect to turn over to my Higher Power and work at letting go. Being a parent myself, I am more aware how much further a gentle push goes than a hard shove when trying to show my children how to obey and respect the rules and others. The softer way is hard for me to show, only because my own frustration is usually getting in the way. I have to remember that it took me years to learn patience, how to do many of the daily chores and tasks before me, and that my children simply haven't reached that stage of their life yet. Gently, gently as she goes, and all will be well.

Affirmation

I will try to focus on where someone is coming fromwhen they give me advice, it is not an attempt to make me look bad, but to help me because they care about me.

March 31

”Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power.” Lao-Tzu

I used to be attracted to the idea of being famous, of having enough “celebrity status” to influence people and to be able to make a difference. Yet the more I learn in my journey about being truly happy and about how I can make a real difference in the world, the more I realize that best way to go is to work on myself. It’s in mastering myself that I will become an attractive point of change. It’s a lot like the 11th tradition, that our group seeks to grow, not through promotion, but by attraction. When something is good and truly works, people will be drawn to it. There is also the aspect of service. Being well-known, being someone recognized as a leader, as the take-charge kind of person is one thing. But to be a servant, I believe, is even more powerful. The names that come to mind – Gandhi, Mother Theresa, Princess Diana – provide strong examples of the power of servitude. So allowing myself ot be a good servant, to work to help others grow and succeed is by no means a misplaced effort. I think there are professions which are like this by their very nature, nursing and teaching come immediately to mind, among others. If I think about people whom I would consider truly wise and strong, they certainly fit into the category of knowing themselves well. They are people who are not focused on others first, but in being living examples of what they believe. I am here to live my own life, no one else’s, so it makes sense that I need to have the best relationship with myself that is possible.

Affirmation

In learning about myself I will become a centre of change and make the difference I want to see in the world.

November 6 (88)

”Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.” Benjamin Spock

This is a hard thing to do some days…trusting myself. Thinking back, that sentiment is what led me down many paths that weren’t the best decisions. Yet, honestly, at the same time, if I consider the person that I am now and who I am becoming, I do trust myself a great deal more than I used to. And, apparently, as is continuously evident in my God-given talent to keep filling these pages, I do know more than I think I do. Or at the very least, I am open to being a vessel for the inspiration of my Higher Power to flow through me and into these passages. Sometimes I even pay attention and listen! Learning to forgive myself has been a big challenge. I have caused real harm, hurt real people, and there are many regrets that I have which I may never be able to properly amend. It’s not right, fair, nor anything I can control. Part of my acceptance is being willing to let God present those opportunities for amends when and if they are part of His plans, not my own. If they come or don’t, there is a lesson for me to learn, and many other things I can focus on doing better. Life is full of surprises, but I am becoming more capable of handling events as they rise, accepting situations as they unfold and finding my part to play. I thank my Higher Power regularly for the continuing guidance and insight which continues to keep me headed in the right direction.

Affirmation In time doubt will be replaced with faith, fear with trust, and I will move forward with confidence and purpose.

October 30 (95)

”He who knows others is wise, He who knows himself is enlightened.” Tao Te Ching

I certainly feel more enlightened today than I have in many years. The simple fact of having spent so much time looking inward has forced me to get to know myself better. This is certainly a good thing, and I am aware at the same time that I still have a long ways to go. There has also been a great amount of wisdom that seems to have surfaced in recent months. I still surprise myself with some of the thoughts and words that have come from me in my recovery work, in meetings, in my step work, and of course in these meditations. I owe much of my enlightenment to my SAA fellowship. As another member recently shared, being part of the group is like being a coal amongst other coals in a fire. By being in proximity we keep the fire alive. But if I remove myself, I will continue to burn for a while, but eventually the fire will extinguish. I need to periodically surround myself with other coals, other members of the program, and pick up the tools, to keep fuelling the fire of recovery. This is a display of both wisdom and enlightenment.

Affirmation May I continue to burn brightly and fuel my recovery. The heat from my program can be shared with others and help them in their own journey.