September 23

”The manner in which it is given is worth more than the gift.” Pierre Corneille

A topic in a recent meeting made me reflect on how I found the program. After several episodes of leaving a trail to my acting out that were found by my partner, I finally had enough awareness to admit that I had a problem and needed help. A newcomer asked in this recent meeting about disclosure, and as I listened I could not help but recall how things had gone when I had been “put on the spot” to divulge everything that was going on. I know being unprepared and unsure what or how much to say did not help in my own personal circumstances. Some good advice and suggestions were offered by those present. Try and have some recovery under your belt to better understand the consequences and be prepared to face them. Talk with a sponsor and/or therapist about what to say. Try to have the conversation in a controlled environment with a professional – sponsor, therapist, or clergy – to help guide the emotional reactions. All good ideas for someone who has the luxury of creating the opportunity to reveal their secret. In the end that is what disclosure is all about. The program clearly shows that we are only as sick as our secrets. The only way to not have secrets is to share them with someone else. This is a key step in recovery and in become honest with ourselves.

Affirmation I will be aware of any secrets I may still have and find the right time, place and person to share them with.

April 5

”The only service a friend can really render is to keep up your courage by holding you up to a mirror in which you can see a noble image of yourself.” George Bernard Shaw

What an apt description of how I view the role of my sponsor. Not only are they my confidant, certainly in terms of the history of my illness, but they are also my B.S. meter. They are able, through their own experience and knowledge of my situation, patterns and stressors, to see well before I do that I am straying off the path. Yet being a boon to my recovery also means that they are able to pull me back when I am being too hard on myself. They are able to help me be gentle and remind me that I am only human. An idea that was presented to me is that in order to give good feedback, I need to be willing to risk a friend to save a life. I find this very applicable in my recovery and it is something I can ask from those who support me. It is important for my helpers to risk telling me when I am going astray to help protect me from myself. I know I cannot always trust the person who stares back at me in the mirror. I have too much practice rationalizing and minimizing my behaviour. I am thankful to have those around me who are not afraid to tell it like it is.

Affirmation If I get feedback today that puts me on the defensive, I will pay attention. There is likely more truth in it that I want to admit.