December 6

”Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” Oscar Wilde

What does it mean to be myself? Who am I really? I think some days I am still trying to figure that out. The more I look inside myself, look at all the parts of me that have been tucked away to make room for my addiction, the less I think I know about myself. I have a multitude of defense mechanisms, of personas and characters that I have built to handle the various aspects of my life. There is the Work Persona, the Sports Persona, the Volunteer Persona, the Boyfriend, the Father, the Son, and the list goes on. My challenge is to take each of these one at a time and study them. There are good and less healthy characteristics of each. Only by investigating why I have created them can I determine which core parts are worthwhile to keep, and those that I need to let go of. This is a continuation of my inventory work, to better understand and accept myself as I am. In doing so I am learning what types of things fit most naturally in my life, the core structure that I have built to accept and give intangibles like love, joy, sadness, reject, jealousy, or happiness. This structure was developed at an early age and unconsciously is how I tend to react in life. It’s only through exploration that I can see where I need to enhance this fundamental part of me to allow new things to fit into my life. My Higher Power is wise beyond my understanding and I believe that I was given all the tools I need to accomplish the goals laid on the path before me. It is my responsibility to know what those skills and strengths are and to avail myself of them. And of course, to pray and meditate for the direction that I am supposed to take to employ them.

Affirmation

I am the one and only me. My most important challenge is to study myself so that I can be the best me possible.

March 12

”He is a man of sense who does not grieve for what he has not, but rejoices in what he has.” Epictetus

I have started a new habit of taking a few moments at the end of each day to thank my Higher Power for the things that have happened to me during the day. I find these moments of gratitude give me a good opportunity to reflect on the events of the day. It also gives me a chance to appreciate what has happened and the situations that have helped me to grow. It gives me that sober second look to also see if there are issues I can look at improving tomorrow. Taking stock of my life each and every day helps me to see what things I might be holding on to, those that are still bothering me and that I need to be careful to not turn them into regrets or resentments. On the positive it is also a chance to congratulate myself for the small steps of recovery I have made. I can rejoice in all the times I picked up a tool of recovery, asked for help or simply reached out to talk with someone from my support group. Being present in today is always my goal. I find these moments of reflection important to close off today and allow me to start the next day with a clean slate.

Affirmation I will reflect on my days’ trials and triumphs and give thanks for everything that I am grateful for.