November 28

”Don't let what you can't do interfere with what you can do.” Anonymous

This is a reoccurring theme that I am hearing around me, in the Serenity Prayer, in the Bible, and in life. Accept what you cannot control, give thanks even in the darkest moments of despair, look for the silver lining. They are wise words, but there are times when it is not easy to see how to do it, how to let go, how to find joy in the pain, or how to dance in the rain. They all boil down to my faith in my Higher Power. How well do I trust that the God of my understanding has a purpose in mind for the situation I find myself in. How is the struggle I am facing going to help me, or help use me, to have His will followed? I simply cannot fathom all He has planned out for this world. So do I balk, do I throw a pity party, do I exclaim to all I meet “Woe is me!”? Or do I go back to surrendering, look back at all the wonderful gifts that I have been provided, the talents that I have, and the fact that I have survived 100% of my worst days so far and find ways to give thanks? It’s my choice to focus on the wall that it blocking my way or to look for the path that goes around it. It is my choice to be a rock on a windy day or the leaf that lets the breeze take it where it is supposed to go. I think I know which one I am supposed to do, God grant me the courage to be blown along the right path.

Affirmation

Today give me the strength to surrender my will and to be glad about it.

February 16

”Failing doesn't make you a failure. Giving up, accepting your failure, refusing to try again does!” Richard Exely

I’ve failed lots. I have failed in small ways, in medium ways, in large ways, and even in spectacular ways. Some failures were good failures, because they happened when I was working towards good goals. Many were not so righteous because of the end I sought. Worst of all though, are the times I succeeded in doing things that I should never even have attempted. Those are times that can haunt me, those five, ten or fifteen minute decisions that I can never take back. Still, I am coming to terms with the idea that I am not a failure simply because I am imperfect and make mistakes. I do believe in the core of this quotation, that it’s only when I accept defeat that I have truly failed, when the goal is a healthy pursuit of course. Perseverance is required; I need to pick myself up, brush off the dirt, lick my wounds, and carry on with what I have learned in the attempt. My life was empty and without any real direction when I lived either for my addiction, or to fulfill the will of others. It’s only when I am working towards goals that serve the purpose of my Higher Power that I actually get fulfillment. These are the things in life that matter, that give meaning to my existence, and will bring me joy and true satisfaction.

Affirmation I can accept failure as part of the process of growing and changing. I will not give up on my core goals and beliefs, and trust that the process to get to the end is part of the experience.

January 6

”Difficulties increase the nearer we get to the goal.” Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

This is true in several aspects in my life at the moment. I see it in my workplace as my current project is heading to a close. Even with months of careful planning, trying to put a concept into place has met with numerous unforeseen challenges. It is also true in my personal life. It is true of my efforts to close a chapter in my life and to open a new one. It is also true of my venture to share my meditations with others. In the past, finding the road before me blocked by an obstacle of any size would have been motivation enough to turn to the poor choices of my addiction. These days, there are moments when I feel that familiar pull, but only for a short while. Instead, I am more often full of the desire to overcome the challenge before me, to press on and to reach the goal that I have in mind. This to me is one of the best signs of the progress I have made. Goals used to be something I set up so that I would have a reason to fail, and a reason to seek the solace of my addictive behaviours. I am thankful that they now serve a higher purpose, to push me further, to make me strive to be better, and to find solutions. And hopefully, this is all work to propel me along the path of my Higher Power.

Affirmation Recovery is less about changing what happens around me, but how I react to it instead.

May 23

”While it is well enough to leave footprints on the sands of time, it is even more important to make sure they point in a commendable direction.” James Branch Cabell

My life has taken me forwards, backwards, sideways and sometimes I have been in the mud simply spinning my wheels. Looking back there many periods where I made progress, but not in any direction that I am proud of. My addiction has led me down a number of avenues that rightly make me feel guilt and shame for the way I behaved. I no longer try and make excuses, and my path forward leads on through the amends I make. Not all of my past is tarnished; the good periods need to be remembered in equal measure to balance the scale. My future lies before me and how I tackle each new day is a testament to my progress I have made in recovery.  I can look at myself in the mirror and see a person of respect, integrity, and honesty.  Each day I become more authentic as I continue working my program and becoming a living amend for the hurt and pain I have caused myself and others in the past. The great thing about leaving footprints in the sand is that eventually they will fade away. Only the most recent are important in showing the direction my life is now headed. I can keep my head held high, focusing on a new horizon as my journey continues.

Affirmation I will continue to focus on not only moving forward, but in the right directions, by the grace of my Higher Power.