October 7

”What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from.” T. S. Eliot

Nature is a wonderful teacher. The seasons are just one example that shows us the cycle of life, full of beginnings and endings. As autumn is in full swing, I have realized that even in an ending, there is beauty to be found. It is giving me a new perspective on chapters of my life that have come to a close. In my work, the end of a project is also a time for reflection and evaluation. It is an opportunity to look at what happened compared to what was planned, and to see what lessons can be learned for the future. It is a time to recognize the things that went well, what was overlooked, and mistakes that were made in order to have the chance to make things even better the next time. It`s important for me to do this in my personal life as well. As I move on to new adventures, it is useful to take the time to reflect on the period that has finished. Introspection is a healthy part of my recovery, and recognizing strengths and weakness is an integral part of my step work. These moments are needed for my continued growth.

Affirmation In endings I will find beginnings, and the lessons I have learned are important reminders to help lay the foundation for my new plans and goals.

January 31

”A hard beginning makes a good ending.” John Heyward

My journey of recovery began in a dark, lonely, miserable place. I was crushed under the burden of the secrets I carried, completely disconnected to any sense of a Higher Power that could restore me to sanity, and utterly numb to my emotions. That was me then, at the end of my rope, with no hope for a brighter future. Somewhere in all that darkness a small spark of light managed to catch my eye. Looking back it took only a short time for that light to grow into a flame that now fuels the fire of my recovery. What a huge relief it was to discover my fellowship, a new home, a place where I belonged. How wonderful it felt to no longer feel like I was a freak, that I was a monster, or that I was alone. Even with the terrible past I carried, I quickly discovered there was hope for a new and better life. I am still not recovered today, but I can proudly declare that I am a grateful recovering sex addict. It no longer defines who I am but is a mark of my commitment to working my program and following the 12-Steps. I am living for today, and each day is a new beginning full of possibility, discovery and wonder. The world is now a bright, glorious place and I have found my place within it.

Affirmation My spirit can be battered and bruised, but given proper care it will return to its former glory and I will be a better person. Life is an adventure that is always worth living.

January 30

”Great is the art of beginning, but greater is the art of ending.” Lazarus Long

It took me over two decades to realize that I had a problem with compulsive sexual behaviour. Yet once I recognised the true nature of my illness, it took me much less time to draw the conclusion that I would need to let go of it. In fact, letting go has been ongoing process practically since the first time I walked into a 12-Step meeting. My growing awareness has taken away the brunt of the power and control that my addiction used to hold over my life. I did reach a point in my recovery where I wanted to formally mark a new beginning. For some time I had been imagining my addict as a resident in the house in my head, where it had been confined to the addict. When I was at this turning point, I wrote an eviction notice, thanking my addiction for helping me cope and survive to that point in time, but that it was no longer needed as I had learned new ways to cope. Endings were always a struggle in my life, and still are to some degree. However, I am able now to see an end as more than just a loss, but also as a new beginning. Having a more holistic view of the circle of life gives me strength and allows me to handle change in better ways.

Affirmation I need not fret or be afraid of endings. There is a natural order to life that things begin, endure, and then come to a close. Acceptance is the key to living through these transitions.