November 5 (89)

”Tell me and I forget, teach me and I may remember, involve me and I learn.” Benjamin Franklin

I was one of those fortunate kids in my early school years who didn’t have to try super hard to have god grades. Paying attention in class and doing my homework was usually sufficient to do well. Most times I wouldn’t even need to study for exams, which usually annoyed my friends. Problem was, I didn’t really develop good study habits which became painfully obvious in my post-secondary studies. It was then that I envied the people who had had to struggle through their early school years as they were much better prepared to handle university than I was. This is a good parallel with my emotional growth. Because I buried my emotions for years from my early teens onward, I also didn’t learn the best ways of dealing with them. It’s not as fun trying to go through some of these lessons later in life, when I am supposed to be more mature and capable. I know well enough that I learn better when I am involved and I hope, at least, to be able to use this knowledge to better guide my children. I need to make those extra efforts to help true learning take place and hopefully give them a better start in life.

Affirmation The struggles of my youth often set the stage for my adult years and the lessons I missed are harder, but not impossible, to learn when I am older.

October 27 (98)

”Nothing lowers the level of conversation more than raising the voice.” Stanley Horowitz

Defects of character, oh boy, some of these are hard to face and ask my Higher Power to take from me. Being quick to anger, quick to judge, quick to overreact, especially with my kids – this is not an easy one to handle. I am becoming more and more aware just how much damage getting angry and showing it, raising my voice,  and getting aggressive have caused in my relationships with my children. Fortunately, having the ability to think more clearly while in sobriety, incited me to take some parenting classes. It is pretty difficult to look at all the things I have done poorly, but I can be thankful, just as I am in recovery, that I can put these new tools and tips to work right away. My kids need me to be a parent, sometimes to guide and discipline with love and good intentions. My role, first and foremost though, is to be an ally. I need to be there to support them, to teach them, to encourage them to grow and develop their potential, to have fun and play with them, and to simply appreciate them for who they are.

Affirmation My words and actions will have a huge impact on my kids, may I behave in ways to nurture them today.

October 7

”The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.” Samuel Johnson

This certainly has been a challenge for me as I move forward in recovery and my life. Unfortunately, I have hurt people and as I disclose my addiction, I seem to have made more enemies than friends. Those closest to me are some of the people that have injured the most, having deeply betrayed their trust and respect. The boundaries I have crossed cannot be undone, nor the pain taken away. My former spouse, and even my children fall into this category, at least for the time being, as some of them want absolutely nothing to do with me. Yet I am still a parent, and I have a renewed desire to take my responsibility seriously, to be an active part of my kids’ lives, to do a better job of supporting, and displaying my affection and love. I truly believe my children deserve and need both parents in their lives to be healthy and whole. So I will continue to do all that I can to remain a part of their lives while at the same time continuing to improve myself. There is damage I cannot undo in my life, but I refuse to let that stop me from making a healthier future from here on in. The past may never be forgotten or forgiven, but I can start creating new and happy memories today.

Affirmation I recognize that I may never rectify my acts from the past, but I can continue my recovery and living as a better person today.