March 24

”Anger: an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.” Lucius Annaeus Seneca

I can see that most of my learned behaviours about anger and frustration have been misguided. Primarily I act out of anger or rage when something some when says is too close to the truth, and is something I just don’t want to admit is true. In those moments, I react because I feel threatened, but in reality someone is providing me with the gift of a mirror if I have but the courage to take it and look. I don’t often spend enough time looking at myself and those things “about other people” which bother me. As I grow in my self-awareness, these troublesome traits and behaviours are almost always things I don’t enjoy about myself. And I am not usually open to having someone else point my flaws out to me. Yet in reacting I do a few things that are harmful. I reject the advice and usually constructive criticism of others which should be a catalyst for personal growth. I reject taking a good and serious look at my defects of character. And I often respond with hurtful words and actions that wound others, as well as myself. Anger used in this manner is indeed acidic.

Affirmation I will acknowledge other’s comments which deeply bother me as aspects of myself I need to examine more closely as my own shortcomings.

September 23

”He who angers you conquers you.” Elizabeth Kenny

It’s been an interesting turn as I realize that when I am upset, frustrated or angry that I am giving away my power, my serenity, to the thing or person that is causing me the grief. I am willingly allowing that external source to control how I feel, how I act and how I react. And it’s my choice to do so. So therefore it can also be my choice not to either. Life is not always fair, others do not always act in ways that are just, reasonable or respectful. Most of the time there is nothing I can do about it either. I don’t have to enjoy or like these situations, but I also don’t have to let them get under my skin. I always have the option to continue to take the higher road, to live by my own examples and morals, and to treat others as I would like to be treated, especially when I know the same kindness would not be returned to me. I am not going to please everyone. Probably not even most. But that is not my goal, which is to be true to myself, to be open to the will of my Higher Power and to follow His guidance. The trivial things of the everyday world around me pale in comparison to my true path, so I need to focus on doing the right things, no matter the circumstances around me.

Affirmation I will recognise when I am angry and frustrated and look to let go and instead put those feelings aside and treat others better than they treat me.

June 14

”Be angry and do not sin, do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.” Ephesians 4:26-27

Anger has been a challenging emotion to learn to handle appropriately. It has not been an easy task to accept anger as a welcome feeling. Yet I am learning that when something pushes against my values or beliefs, or threatens me or those close to me, then my anger can indeed be the right sentiment for the situation. However, feeling angry and acting out of or in anger is something else entirely. Letting anger cloud my actions is not a healthy choice. In those moments I act to hurt others, intentionally or not. Rather, I need to recognize my anger as a warning of a threat, but then step back and allow myself the time to process what is going on, calmly assess the situation and then decide how best to act. The Serenity Prayer is something that often helps me with this part. The simple task of determining what parts of the moment are within my control, and which are not, is usually enough to help calm the surge of anger. Reactions in the heat of the moment almost always make a situation worse, rather than better. In trying to give myself that pause, even for a few seconds, when my temper flares can go a long way to finding a peaceful resolution instead of adding fuel to fire.

Affirmation In my emotional maturity, recognizing feelings as a signal that something important is happening is an awareness that I do not have to simple react, but can reflect and then act.

November 23 (71)

”The best fighter is never angry.” Lao Tzu

I remember early in recovery hearing a good number of members talking about their issues with anger. I didn’t think it was a problem for me personally, probably until I started working the 4th step, and had it reconfirmed as I made my list of people I had harmed in my 8th. Anger may not have been one of my key triggers or reactions but it still had played a part. It was usually brought out at the wrong time at the wrong person for reasons nowhere near related to the situation at hand. In short, most of my anger in my life has been misplaced or misdirected or both. That being the case, it doesn’t really matter how often I got angry if it was not justified. I am thankful to have gained a new perspective and that more and more often I manage to keep my initial reactions in check, acknowledge my emotions, and then choose to act without either repressing my feelings or transferring them to someone else. It’s still a work in progress but I am witnessing steady improvement. It has taken a great deal of courage, work and effort to incorporate emotions back into my life. The most important part of my journey has been rebuilding the road between my head and my heart, but certainly worth every inch.

Affirmation I may not relate to everything that other members share, but will come to see things in a new light as my own recovery progresses.

October 27 (98)

”Nothing lowers the level of conversation more than raising the voice.” Stanley Horowitz

Defects of character, oh boy, some of these are hard to face and ask my Higher Power to take from me. Being quick to anger, quick to judge, quick to overreact, especially with my kids – this is not an easy one to handle. I am becoming more and more aware just how much damage getting angry and showing it, raising my voice,  and getting aggressive have caused in my relationships with my children. Fortunately, having the ability to think more clearly while in sobriety, incited me to take some parenting classes. It is pretty difficult to look at all the things I have done poorly, but I can be thankful, just as I am in recovery, that I can put these new tools and tips to work right away. My kids need me to be a parent, sometimes to guide and discipline with love and good intentions. My role, first and foremost though, is to be an ally. I need to be there to support them, to teach them, to encourage them to grow and develop their potential, to have fun and play with them, and to simply appreciate them for who they are.

Affirmation My words and actions will have a huge impact on my kids, may I behave in ways to nurture them today.