January 19

”Always aim at complete harmony of thought and word and deed. Always aim at purifying your thoughts and everything will be well.” Mahatma Gandhi

So here lies the crux of the problem. My addict, my compulsive addictive behaviour, starts from my thoughts. Perhaps like other addictions, but even more so, this is where my craving is born. In the beginning, the thoughts may seem innocent enough, but they have just enough of an edge, just enough of a shiny coating, to invite me in just a little further, to explore and come closer for a better look. Before I know it, I am way beyond just looking, but fully immersed, tasting, touching, living through the fantasy or reality that started from those small, simple thoughts. As Ambrose Bierce so aptly defined it, the brain is the apparatus with which we think that we think. So how then, do I use that which is broken to fix itself? A seeming conundrum indeed. Yet I do think there is an answer. I do believe that this life, this body that I am in is only a shell. Its purpose is to house something even more precious, my spirit. I have moved from seeing myself as a person with a soul to seeing instead a soul with a temporary body. And it is my soul or body, which existed before I was born and will continue to exist after my body expires, that has the power to overcome my errant thoughts. Simply put, my solution is to Let Go and Let God. I have not the human capacity to fix my broken thinking. I therefore require the faith and belief in my power greater than myself that my spirit, given the opportunity, can and will lead me in the right direction. This is where my harmony and purification will come from, by fully trusting in God’s will, not mine.

Affirmation

I am a creation of spirit, and it is this force within me that can make the impossible possible.

December 14

”Flee from sexual immorality.  Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, who you have from God?” 1 Corinthians 16:18-19

I find myself struggling with this idea lately. Rationally I understand the concept, that my body is merely the vessel “on loan” from my Higher Power which hosts my soul, my small piece of that divinity which encompasses all. This is a struggle of changing my perception of being a body with a soul to that of a soul that is temporarily residing in a body. So how exactly does this change my viewpoint? Well, if I truly believe that I am soul inhabiting this physical form, then I guess that means I need to respect this container. And this is where I have ample proof that I have failed, that I have not taken good care of this spiritual shell. I have abused it, neglected it and taken it for granted on many occasions. I have fallen short in treating it with the importance due that divine source within, my soul, my connection with my Higher Power. Reflection brings me back to a simple conundrum, the power of choice. In order to truly treat my body as the gift from my Higher Power, I need to make the right choices. Not the easy ones, not the instant gratification ones, but those that truly take into account how precious life, my life, really is. My addiction has consequences, from the smallest thought to acting out and everything in between. Each strains my connection to myself, my soul, and ultimately my Higher Power. And that is the greatest disservice I can do in return for the life that has been given to me.

Affirmation

Today I will ask for help from my Higher Power to pay proper respect to the precious gift, my body and my life, which has been given to me.

December 12 (52)

”Great souls have wills; feeble ones only have wishes.” Chinese Proverb

Trusting in my own will is not an easy thing as for too many years it has been corrupted by my addict. My heart, mind and soul have lived out of sync and are only beginning to work together in harmony. It’s no wonder that living for my addiction has caused so much damage to my soul, my spiritual connection and reservoir as I like to think of it. My self-centered acts and behaviours did nothing better than to cut me off from my Higher Power and any belief in something wonderfully greater than myself. My life was all about wishes and fantasies that were far from being based in reality. Thankfully the fabric of my soul can be repaired and the wellspring of spirituality can be replenished. It happens when I surrender, when I accept to put my life second, place my priorities behind those of the God of my understanding. It happens when I open myself in prayer, seeking guidance to following the will of my Higher Power, to be in service to others rather than being hell-bent on fulfilling my own desires. My soul does not require fame or fortune to be rich. It is satisfied when it is in harmony with the world around me, when it seeks love, compassion, joy, hope, honesty, integrity and serenity.   It need not wish for fulfillment, but rather seeks to share my gifts with others.

Affirmation I will take back power in my life by living for others, especially my Higher Power.