December 29

”In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock.” Thomas Jefferson

Working through separation and divorce has been a challenge against my principles, values and morals. It has been a constant conflict of defending what I believe is right and just as my former spouse has attacked me as a person and as a parent. I have also been treated with a distinct lack of respect in both roles. This has shaken me to the core at times, and made me more than once question whether or not I was doing the right thing or if indeed I knew who I was or what I really stood for. I have and continue to survive mostly through prayer and faith in my Higher Power. The hardest thing I continue to do is to pray for this person who used to hold such a special place in my life that now seems determined to punish me for all that has happened. I now feel like I am asking God on a regular basis to help this person find the help they need and to find their way back into His arms. I am grateful that I am aware of how little I can control about other people. I am thankful that I can turn situations like this over to the care of the God of my understanding. I give thanks for the ability to pray and let go, while continuing to fight for what I believe in and for what I feel is best for my children. I praise my power greater than me for the capacity to stand like a rock.

Affirmation With faith in my Higher Power, I can weather the roughest storm, brave the highest seas and rise to soar amongst the stars.

October 4

”The saints are the sinners who keep going.” Robert Louis Stevenson

I am now 18 months into the program and nearly at a year of uninterrupted sobriety. It’s certainly been a time of reflection on where I have been. As I work my steps in my study group, I am gradually moving beyond the sins of my past, one microscopic step at a time. I will readily confess that I am miles from being considered a saint, but gratefully less tempted to label myself a sinner. The healing process is working and I can look myself in the mirror and genuinely appreciate the person looking back at me. If I had to try and figure out the one thing that has allowed me to get this far, my secret for my success if you will, it would be letting go. It sounded so strange and felt so awkward and unnatural in the beginning. But turning over things I cannot control to my Higher Power has given me the power and energy to focus on what I can deal with and have the capacity to change. I have lost track of how often I apply the Serenity Prayer, not just in dealing with my addict, but with life in general. It has easily been the guiding principle that has helped me the most in making it to where I am today, One Day at a Time.

Affirmation It’s good for me to reflect on my progress and to discover the tools that help me the most in my journey of recovery.

October 1

”When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on - and then swing.” Barbara Johnson

Finishing each day and leaving it finished is a good principle that I can and need to apply more generally. There are many aspects of my life, and certainly in recovery places where I want to repair damage that I have caused, but where I can only go so far. My part may only be opening the door to start the healing, but the other person has to be willing to pursue that route. It is not an avenue that I can force someone else to embark upon. Tomorrow is a new day and will be full of new challenges and opportunities. I can let go of the failures and successes of yesterday and start each day anew. This is why it is important for me to close each day in gratitude and prayer to prepare myself for a fresh start. I can make it easier to sense the hope and prospect that tomorrow holds by doing a proper job of settling today’s affairs. The God of my understanding is a boon to help keep me on the right track, facing forward. All the small steps of letting go free me from the weight of the past and allow me to focus on today.

Affirmation Reflection on today is my Step 10 work, and gives me an immediate indication of the adjustments I want to make…and to move onto the next day better prepared.

May 29

”No eyes that have seen beauty ever lose their sight.” Jean Toomer

I have only recently stated realize just how my much my addiction dulled my senses to the world around me, at least for the things that did not feed my fantasies. It really is sad when I look back at everything I have missed out on or the experiences that have been barely half-lived. Being sober and reconnected to the world in a new and deeper way is bringing so much more meaning to my life than my addiction ever promised. I want to continue to drink in the joys of life. I have so many more things to be grateful for, and I make sure to let my Higher Power know. I am so lucky, like others who have found the power of the 12 Steps before me, to have been given a second chance. I know now that I will truly live the rest of my life rather than simply existing from moment to moment. The program is fast becoming the basic principle of how I want to live out the rest of my days. The steps apply to my own recovery, to how I treat others, how I perform at work and pretty much every aspect of my life. I will be in recovery today, and hopefully all the todays that remain to come my way, by the grace of the God of my understanding.

Affirmation By my new found faith in my Higher Power I have seen the error of my ways. With new eyes I will discover all the beauty the world has to offer.

May 9

”I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something. I will not refuse to do the something I can do.” Helen Keller

I cannot be everything to everyone and still be faithful to myself and my program of recovery. There are certain roles in my life that I cannot fulfill as much as I want. This can be due to the places where I have damaged relationships or where I am simply not wanted or needed. It can be hard to face rejection…for me it is difficult. Yet being turned away does not mean that there are no other places where I am wanted and needed. When faced with rejection I need to be able to focus my energy and efforts where I know I can have an impact. The Serenity Prayer is so simple in words yet so encompassing in terms of all we encounter in daily life. I find new meaning and new places where it applies nearly every day. It is one of the greatest guiding principles that I use to stay on track during my journey of recovery. God, grant me the serenity to accept things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference – I surrender those things I cannot change, pray for the strength to change what I can (mostly myself), and ask for the guidance to know which is which. Whenever one door closes, help me find the others that, by your grace, remain open.

Affirmation I will look at rejection today as a way to refocus where my efforts are better placed. I am still worthwhile and have a lot to give.