May 3

"Distractions destroy action. If it's not moving you towards your purpose, leave it alone."  Jermaine Riley

I am gaining more awareness of the activities that I use to waste my time, to escape from reality, to simply make the hours pass by me. This is more than simply procrastination, but a choice to avoid doing productive things, to stay away from those things that fulfill my obligations and responsibilities. The other part of this awareness is working to keep my goals and my purpose in mind as I make choices throughout the day. Thanks to this extra time to pause and reflect, and the foundation of my program, I am choosing a path of growth which meets my responsibilities more often. I recall an interview with astronaut Chris Hadfield, who at a young age knew that he wanted to become a space explorer. He clearly stated, that even from the young age, he tailored his life to make choices that only supported his goal, becoming an astronaut. I'll admit I lack that level of discipline, but I can admire that commitment. It does not keep me from striving towards such an ideal.

Affirmation

I will look to maintain a steady course in my recovery and make the right choices today.

August 28

”Meditation means going into your loneliness wholeheartedly, to discover it, to investigate into it, to inquire into it.” OSHO

Being alone used to frighten me. Knowing what I know about myself now, I am not really that surprised. I don’t think I could have faced being alone and the possibility of getting to know myself, as sick as I was, and been able to be ok with all that. I really didn’t like who I was and I was certainly too afraid to stop and look at myself. It’s taken time to get comfortable being on my own. It is still not the easiest thing to do, I often find myself pulled to any number of distractions to take me away from those moments of internal reflection. But I am starting to have those dialogues with myself, to delve into who I am and explore the loneliness. This too is a part of my recovery and one I know I need to overcome to remain healthy. It is strange to feel like there are parts of myself I have to avoid, or that are difficult to know how to handle. Yet I need to remember that I have applied one solution to all my problems, at least the emotional stressful ones, for so many years, that I haven’t needed to learn other ways of dealing with life. I spent too many years not allowing myself to be lonely, creating a belief that it was a bad thing. Loneliness, sadness, and even grief are not bad things in of themselves. It’s how I used them to isolate, to justify my choices, or other negative actions that was the problem. Today I can handle them differently as I learn new tools in recovery.

Affirmation If I remove the “L” from loneliness, it makes oneliness, which for me is a study of myself. I will take time to get to know myself better today.

April 9

”We hear voices in solitude that we never hear in the hurry and turmoil of life; we receive counsels and comforts that we get under no other condition.” Amelia Barr

Meditation is part of Step 11 and in many ways it is our chance to take time to listen to our Higher Power. It is really important that we take moments every day to slow down, to sit with our own thoughts, allow ourselves to experience the emotions we are feeling and clear our minds. Many of us fear being alone in our own heads with our thoughts and fantasies. What we may find frightens us and we don’t think we have the courage to face what we come across within the recesses of our mind. We know from past experience that we have prayed for things to stop, for our life to change yet if we never pause to listen and look for the signs and direction that are given to us, we will struggle to find the path to follow. We all too often turn to distractions so that we do not need to face our thoughts and feelings. We can always find something else to do. The difficulty is to look within and accept what we discover and just let it be.

Affirmation I need to take the time today to let the messages of my Higher Power into my life.