October 17

”Great is the road I climb, but the garland offered by an easier effort is not worth the gathering.” Sextus Propentius

It’s often said that the best things in life are free. This certainly was an attitude that I had in my active addiction, but in a twisted and perverse sense, stemming from entitlement more than from need. Realistically, when I look back at my life, while many of the things that mean the most to me might be free in the sense of not costing money, the things I value such as love, patience, hope, and my children, have had a great price in the sacrifice, effort and time I have needed to commit to them. Very rarely does anything that is simply handed to me truly impact my life. It’s all the things that I have to struggle to achieve, that come from hard work and dedication, set-backs and disappointments, failure and persistence, that matter more. Those things I have to fight for are what I appreciate most. It is not that I try to find the hardest way to do things or continually reach for what is way beyond my grasp. But it is those times where I toil, where I face difficulties that I feel most rewarded when I reach the goal. It is strife that can give me the opportunity to grow and be thankful for the road I needed to travel.

Affirmation Struggle is not a bad thing, I need to see these difficulties as opportunities to grow, to overcome the hurdles and learn the lessons my Higher Power believes I need.

September 3

”Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.” Mark Twain

Entitlement has often been a reason for my addict to seek out pleasure. So and so did something to hurt me so I deserve to act out. Things have gone well in this part of my life, so I can give in to this fantasy. I have done so well in my recovery, so this behaviour is a well-deserved reward. As an active addict I became quite adept at turning almost any situation into a reason to act out, or at the very least to continue fantasizing and planning to do so. I was certain that somehow I had earned the right to continue, that everything that was wrong with my life – all caused by others mind you – was more than ample justification to keep up my destructive behaviours. The problem with this attitude is that I take no responsibility for my actions. Everything is everyone’s fault but my own and it is all “poor me, such a hard life, it’s a wonder one can cope with all that stress and hardship.” Being in recovery has made me realize just how delusional my thinking was.

Affirmation It’s true that there’s very little that is owed to me…I need to take responsibility for what I need and stop the blame game to promote my addictive behaviours.