September 30

”Advice is like snow; the softer it falls, the longer it dwells upon, and deeper it sinks into the mind.” Samuel Taylor

My father used to say that he wished he could beat me over the head with all his wisdom and experience, in the hopes that it would sink in and help me avoid many of the pitfalls of life. He certainly tried hard enough to let me take all his hardships as proof that I did not need to follow similar paths in my own life. Unfortunately it seems that I was destined to learn through the school of hard knocks myself, and have taken the harder, painful road more often than the gentler way. Advice and criticism are still things that are hard for me to accept in my daily life. Somewhere along the way I learned that I was supposed to only rely on myself to get by, which has had the side-effect of making me react adversely to critiques by anyone, even those with the best intentions behind them. Here is a major character defect to turn over to my Higher Power and work at letting go. Being a parent myself, I am more aware how much further a gentle push goes than a hard shove when trying to show my children how to obey and respect the rules and others. The softer way is hard for me to show, only because my own frustration is usually getting in the way. I have to remember that it took me years to learn patience, how to do many of the daily chores and tasks before me, and that my children simply haven't reached that stage of their life yet. Gently, gently as she goes, and all will be well.

Affirmation

I will try to focus on where someone is coming fromwhen they give me advice, it is not an attempt to make me look bad, but to help me because they care about me.

November 5 (89)

”Tell me and I forget, teach me and I may remember, involve me and I learn.” Benjamin Franklin

I was one of those fortunate kids in my early school years who didn’t have to try super hard to have god grades. Paying attention in class and doing my homework was usually sufficient to do well. Most times I wouldn’t even need to study for exams, which usually annoyed my friends. Problem was, I didn’t really develop good study habits which became painfully obvious in my post-secondary studies. It was then that I envied the people who had had to struggle through their early school years as they were much better prepared to handle university than I was. This is a good parallel with my emotional growth. Because I buried my emotions for years from my early teens onward, I also didn’t learn the best ways of dealing with them. It’s not as fun trying to go through some of these lessons later in life, when I am supposed to be more mature and capable. I know well enough that I learn better when I am involved and I hope, at least, to be able to use this knowledge to better guide my children. I need to make those extra efforts to help true learning take place and hopefully give them a better start in life.

Affirmation The struggles of my youth often set the stage for my adult years and the lessons I missed are harder, but not impossible, to learn when I am older.

June 5

”The important thing is to learn every time you lose.” John McEnroe

It seems to me that modern society has become focused on “not losing.” I see it mostly in how my children are treated at school and in sports. Nobody fails, we no longer keep score, and everybody is a “winner” for having participated. I’m not convinced this is the best way. Winning can be a motivator, but more importantly I think there is value in losing. If it is handled properly it is a way to evaluate performance, find areas to work and improve and is motivation to do better next time. While we struggle to keep things fair for everyone, it is not truly reality. Some people are just naturally better than others or have the drive to succeed – in sports, in school, in music or whatever the individual’s talents or goals may be. In trying to even out the playing field I am not sure that everyone, if anyone, really benefits. In my own life I certainly am learning to value losing, or simply failing. Not getting the results I want gives me a chance to do a few things. First, it can be a reality check to see if the avenue I have been pursuing is really where I want to go. It also provides the opportunity to look back at my strengths and weaknesses to determine what I can do better next time. Losing doesn’t have to be as negative as society wants us to believe.

Affirmation I will look for the lessons I can learn from my losses today; reflection and evaluation can help me find a better way ahead.

March 30

”Even in you fall on your face, you’re still moving forward.” Victor Kiam

Humility is the virtue of knowing that we can and will make mistakes. It’s admitting we are not perfect. Being humble does not mean we are not worthy of love, respect or caring. It simply means that we have much to learn. The thing about learning is that we do not know all the answers. It means we can say or do the wrong thing. The importance is that we keep learning from what we have done wrong, make adjustments, and move forward. When we fall, we need to stand up, brush ourselves off and keep going. It’s important to remember that even if falling, we’ve moved on from where we were just standing. We need to remain open and teachable. Some of that means being willing to set aside our preconceptions and accepting new ideas and ways of thinking. We can admit that we need to listen and profit from the experience and knowledge of others if we want to change and grow.

Affirmation I am open to learning, prepared to make mistakes and willing to make discoveries.