March 24

”Anger: an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.” Lucius Annaeus Seneca

I can see that most of my learned behaviours about anger and frustration have been misguided. Primarily I act out of anger or rage when something some when says is too close to the truth, and is something I just don’t want to admit is true. In those moments, I react because I feel threatened, but in reality someone is providing me with the gift of a mirror if I have but the courage to take it and look. I don’t often spend enough time looking at myself and those things “about other people” which bother me. As I grow in my self-awareness, these troublesome traits and behaviours are almost always things I don’t enjoy about myself. And I am not usually open to having someone else point my flaws out to me. Yet in reacting I do a few things that are harmful. I reject the advice and usually constructive criticism of others which should be a catalyst for personal growth. I reject taking a good and serious look at my defects of character. And I often respond with hurtful words and actions that wound others, as well as myself. Anger used in this manner is indeed acidic.

Affirmation I will acknowledge other’s comments which deeply bother me as aspects of myself I need to examine more closely as my own shortcomings.

August 25

”Serenity is not freedom from the storm, but peace amid the storm.” Anonymous

My life is a rollercoaster. Your life is a rollercoaster. Maybe life is a rollercoaster. Sometimes it’s slow and boring. Sometimes it’s wild and crazy. Sometimes you think it’s going one direction and it goes in the completely opposite one. Sometimes it’s totally out of control. And even sometimes, it crashes and burns. The thing is, once I get on the rollercoaster, get strapped in, there is not much left within my control, except how I want to react. I can get scared and choose to stare at my feet for the entire ride. I can get excited, whoop and holler, throw my hands in the air, and enjoy the twists and turns and drops. I can hold on for dear life, hoping nothing goes wrong, worrying about every little piece of the puzzle even if there is nothing I can really change or prevent. The thing is this, no matter how I choose to react to how life unfolds around me, I do have the power to be serene no matter what is going on. The peace I need, the peace I have found in recovery, comes from within, and therefore is always available. All I need to do is to remember it is there and reach for it, because, like my Higher Power, it is a part of me.

Affirmation In the midst of chaos lies the eye of the storm, a place of calm and tranquility. I can find this centre of serenity that comes from within and weather whatever life puts before me.

December 18

” It is not insult from another that causes you pain. It is the part of your mind that agrees with the insult. Agree only with the truth about you, and you are free.” Alan Cohen

As I struggle to move forward with my life, I am still too easily drawn back into the past by the words and deeds of others who have not moved forward. There are just certain buttons that can still trigger a reaction in me like I am not worthy, not deserving of love, happiness or peace. It is hard moving past the shame, guilt and regret of not having been a better person and for having mistreated people in the past. But I cannot change what has been and have to find a way to be living better for today. When I feel myself on the defense or getting riled up about something someone has said or done, I need to take a step back. This is a good opportunity for me to repeat the Serenity Prayer and reflect on what is happening and how I am reacting with my emotions. I need to find what parts of me are bothered by the situation, how I feel targeted, ignored, disrespected or whatever the case may be. This is my area of control, but also where I will find insight into why I want to run away or fight back. The trick is for me to evaluate the event and to let my initial feelings come and pass. Then, and only then, can I act without adding those reactionary, and often harsh, emotions into the mix and escalating the issue. By accepting only  the truth I can diffuse a potential scene.

Affirmation I have the right to my feelings, but they are warning signs to be heeded but not to be thrown out rashly.