April 27

”The potential of the average person is like a huge ocean unsailed, a new continent unexplored, a world of possibilities waiting to be released and channeled toward some great good.” Brian Tracy

Life is full, I am so busy doing things these days I often wonder how I managed to keep up my addictive life. There are so many activities to fill my time, so much I want to experience, that I wonder why I thought putting all my effort into one stream of behaviour would make me happy. There is so much more potential in each day, each hour, and each moment that I am grateful I am no longer wasting them by feeding my addiction. It is wonderful to be connected to the world once again. To be part of the rhythm of nature, connected to the ebb and flow of the seasons, beginnings, endings and the transitions in between. To feel the surge of energy in the spring time, to rejoice in the return of the birds and their songs forgotten through the cold winter. To bask in the sun, feeling its warmth penetrating into my soul. To watch the leaves change to burnt yellow, fire orange and crimson red and fall to the ground as the trees prepare to sleep through the winter. To see the perfect snowflakes floating in the air, each unique like one of us, to build a snow man or fort, go skating or tobogganing, then warm myself around a fire with hot cocoa. Life is filled with thousands of small precious possibilities that I took for granted, tossed aside ungraciously as I slaved to fill the relentless desires of my addictive self. As I rediscover myself, fill my days with my outer circle behaviours and activities, the whole world is once again my playground. And I am like a kid again, just waiting for the next adventure.

Affirmation

Each moment is precious, a possibility for a small wonder to be experienced and cherished. May I accept each of these tiny gifts and make them a part of my recovery.

January 24

”They do not love who do not show their love.” William Shakespeare

It has been a hard transition falling out of love with my former spouse, and even more difficult in trying to deal with the fact that I am no longer loved by them but even worse not even respected. This has made it difficult to face the prospect and procedure of divorce, to act jointly as parents, and a number of other things. I need to seek information from third parties as I cannot get it directly from the other parent who has a responsibility to keep me informed. Yet through all this I have faced up to the struggles and continue to let go of what is not mine. I still act out of respect, still keep my former mate informed of the things they should know, and still continue to act as I want to be treated. For all those things that I want to say because I feel hurt, disrespected, angry or rejected, well those I share with fellow members or put in a special journal to my ex that if spoken I know would simple fall on deaf ears. I still have love to share so I focus on giving it to those more willing and receptive to it. Perhaps in time things will improve, but for now this is how things are and I accept the reality of my situation.

Affirmation I accept that my recovery only promises to restore me to sanity, and not those around me. I will continue to surrender what I cannot control to God.