December 3

”Plenty of people miss their share of happiness, not because they never found it, but because they didn't stop to enjoy it.” William Feather

It is true that there are certain times of the year that have been inherently more difficult than others. Holidays, birthdays, and other special dates take on a new flavour with changes to relationships, new family dynamics, and a sense of grief and loss. I have had to come to terms with my new reality, more than once, and then find a way to accept this and the impact it has on such significant events. It is not always easy. Getting into the Christmas spirit, for example, is not something I feel like doing when I think about what has been lost, how things are not the same. I have to find the strength and the courage to focus on what I still have, and to realize that I still deserve to find happiness today, no matter what the situation is. There is a great deal of truth in the fact that I need to choose to find happiness within, because if my only sources of happiness are things which are external, well many of things are also temporary. That is not a recipe for long-lasting joy. This is a great parallel to my serenity and sobriety. I am not sustained by external things, by my strengthening my connection to my internal powers, my Source or Higher Power, and my sense of self. These are the aspects which will always be there; I only need to focus my energy on them. Joy to the world, I will let my light shine from within.

Affirmation

When I feel unhappy or at odds with the world today, I will slow down, breathe and remember that my true source of happiness and joy lies within me.

February 2

”Living well is the best revenge.” George Herbert

Through my in-depth work of my 4th step, one of the patterns that emerged was that of revenge. Recognizing that as a teen I often felt rejected by my peers, by my friends, and even on occasion my parents, I sought retribution through revenge. Yet my revenge in most cases was not direct. In fact, for quite some time, my revenge only happened in my own head, in my dreams and fantasies where I found ways to get back at those by whom I had been hurt. In time, those fantasies could not stay fully confined to my thoughts, so small parts of them moved from the imaginary into possibility – planning and scheming. Eventually even that was insufficient, and some acts then became reality. Gratefully my transition was kept to activities where I was very discreet, and which were not directly targeting people, but their possessions. Yet still, as I have come to understand my motivations, the intent was there to seek some form of retaliation. In fact, in many cases I felt the effect was increased by the fact that the person would likely never know. Gladly, after a good deal of effort in putting the steps into practice, I have a new way to seek revenge for the hurts of the past and the present. The best way I can deal with the times where I feel rejected, ignored, or ridiculed is to continue working my program. By not letting those negative situations derail me, I become a testament to the power of recovery which has taken hold in my heart, my soul, and my mind.

Affirmation

My defects of character do not always have to vanish, but can sometimes be transformed into a healthier way of looking at the world and dealing with life on life’s terms.

September 29

”And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.” Abraham Lincoln

These days, weeks and months of sobriety have given me the freedom and opportunities to look at my future. Some of that focus has been thinking about what kind of legacy I want to leave behind. Some of it has been looking at the things I would like to accomplish or the places I would like to go. One of the most interesting exercises/experiences I have done was a reflection on how my priorities in life would change if I found out I had only 1 year left to live. This made me challenge the things I am doing today to look and see if there were important things that are often being pushed to the side. I know it has made me more conscientious about spending time with those close to me, family and friends alike. It has also helped me to view of my worries and fears from a new perspective that makes me want to think about them a lot less. The biggest improvement in my life is my continually growing aptitude of living in the moment. Putting the past behind me and leaving the future to happen in its own time are huge hurdles to overcome in living for the now. Yet this is where I am needed most, right here is where I have the most to give, this exact instant is where I have the power of choice. My Higher Power has given me a huge gift, the freedom to decide what I want to do with the time that has been given to me. It’s high time that I take that responsibility seriously and respect this precious offering.

Affirmation

Time is an insubstantial thing, except for the moment I am in. It is here that life, decisions, and everything is tangible. This is where I need to be to make my life exceptional.

June 9

”Every day is a new beginning. Treat it that way. Stay away from what might have been, and look at what can be.” Marsha Petrie Sue

I do believe that each day is a fresh start, a blank page waiting for my story to be written upon it. When I make a point of remembering this it makes each day a part of a ritual of renewal and rebirth, a chance to start anew and to see the limitless possibilities which lay before me. There’s the important part, when I remember. My downfall in this regard is simply routine. I am a creature of habit. I like to do the same things day in and day out. Trying to treat each morning like it’s the first day of the rest of my life is an attempt to break out of my mold, and to make every day a unique experience on purpose. This is not something that can be routine. It needs fresh, invigorating ideas and energy, a dash of naivety, and a bit of blind luck. As I heard someone say, it is my attitude, not my aptitude, which will help me achieve my altitude. My perception, where I put my focus for the day and how I lay the foundation in those first minutes after I awake, goes a long way in setting the stage for what will follow. I need to make a concentrated effort to be in the moment throughout the day, and not just caught up in the flow of what is happening around me. Taking the time to fully experience moments during the day keeps me grounded and connected to my Higher Power, and strengthens my reserve of serenity and clarity.

Affirmation

There are things I can to in starting my day which will make it easier to have a good one. I will take the time to pray, meditate, and find the energy to see all the wonderful potential that awaits.

May 11

”Do not dwell on the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.” John

Today is a gift. I am able to recognize, not only my talents, but all the wonderful mentors, guides and friends that bless me in my life. Right now I am connected to my Higher Power, my source of faith, integrity and love. I know I am a part of a larger community, this great extended family, due in large part to my recovery. The past is a place for me to learn from my experience. The future is the place for me to prove I am changing and living a better life through my program. But the place and time for this to happen is right here, right now. This is where I have the ability to make change, to take action, make decisions and just be. My life used to be about existing, simply making it from moment to moment, never being fully engaged or responsible. Today I am focused on living, on the principle of Carpe diem, of seizing the day and squeezing out as much potential as I can. The world is full of opportunity, wonder and beauty. I have so much to give, but even more that can be enjoyed and appreciated. I am truly grateful for the awareness that is allowing me to be present in the moment.

Affirmation

I will live in the moment, keeping my attention of what is around me and all the glorious things that my Higher Power has to offer me.

April 21

”Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:34

The Bible has been one of the many resources added into my recovery reading. It’s partly due to the fact that my own Higher Power is God, and that work is his word captured for mankind to read and learn. But it’s also because the more I read, the more often I see phrases and ideas that have come to take on their own life in society, but are often quoted from other sources. Like the opening quote today, for example, which has a striking resemblance to other quotes about worrying about the future. This passage is a good reminder for me, no matter what the source. Today and the events that will arise will certainly be enough to keep me occupied. I don’t need to add to today’s pressures by worrying about things that might take place tomorrow. I do hope that I am getting better at looking at my day more positively though, not anticipating all the “troubles of today” that await me. My focus needs to be on living in the present, being aware of what is happening at the current moment. This is the time I have to work with, where I can make the choices and exert the influence that will make a difference in my life and the world around me. This is the gift I have recovered in sobriety that I dare not waste as I have too often in the past. Here’s to living for today!

Affirmation

I will rejoice in the gift that comes when the fog of my addiction has lifted, which is living in and for the moment. What a joy to simple be present in the world once again!

October 18

”Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” Maria Robinson

I’ve made mistakes, as many as anyone, probably more. I have hurt myself, my family, friends, colleagues, and even complete strangers. I have done many things I am not proud of, that I would gladly take back if I could, but I cannot change the past as much as I would like to be able to. What I have within my control is today. Yes, there is a past that brought me here, but it need not be the over-riding force that guides my actions. I have a choice, each and every moment of the day, to do things different and work toward a new ending, rather than the one my addiction has in mind. The key for me to stay in the present is to work at letting go. Surrendering to my Higher Power, to my program, and to recovery means that I have to move beyond my past. I have to leave those things that weigh me down behind, where they happened and are meant to stay, and look at what I can do now to change and make improvements. Change happens the moment I decide to embrace it and take action.

Affirmation I will live for the present today, accepting the gift I have to make new choices and to move in a new direction.

September 27

”When it comes to the future, there are three kinds of people: those who let it happen, those who make it happen, and those who wonder what happened.” John M. Richardson, Jr.

The future, a topic that used to be focused only on fulfilling the needs of my addiction. How to get my next high, what fantasy to chase, or what thrill to seek. It was obsessed on that solitary topic to the exclusion of everything else, so it a more realistic way, I often found myself in that state of “wondering what had happened.” Because life is more complicated and full of variety that my one-track mind. I missed 99% of what was going on around me, so no wonder I felt dazed and confused when life caught up to me in those moments when I wasn’t engrossed in my other life. Since finding the 12-Steps, my life centers more on a combination of letting the future happen and making it happen. My true concern is the present, the place where I do have some control and the ability to effect change. Working the steps and practicing my tools lays the groundwork for a better future. I am making healthier choices and I am becoming more aware of the impact of my actions in my life. I am more consciously connected to the world around me.

Affirmation Life has an abundance of experiences waiting for me. Today I will accept the multitude of events I encounter to lead a broader, fuller, more connected life.

January 21

“Reality is only an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.” Albert Einstein

I still have moments where my instinct is to want to escape from the present moment. To avoid my feelings and my discomfort I can still find a multitude of ways to get away through television, video games, movies or other distractions. These are not really much better for me than my addictive behaviours, middle or inner circle. The problems and feelings still need to be dealt with and running away only delays the inevitable. I do wish that saying the Serenity Prayer one, five, or even ten times would be sufficient to let things go and turn them over to my Higher Power or grant me the courage and inspiration to deal with my part of it. Reality isn’t usually that simple and straightforward. Remaining in the now is hard work. Like most things I have had to learn in my life, it takes practice to get better at it, but with time and perseverance it does get easier. The reward of dealing with life as it happens and not delaying situations by escaping from them is that I am more aware of all that happens in my life. I also waste much less time, which in turn is a gift considering how much of my past I lost in my addiction.

Affirmation Staying focused on the here and now and being aware of my temptation to escape are healthy recognitions of where I am.

September 30

”Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were big things.” Robert Brault

Looking into the past is not easy for me. While I can find moments of serenity and happiness, it is hard to hold onto them against the weight of negativity that my addiction put into the same period. The fact that my emotions were dulled also is not helpful in trying to recall better times. Then there are other people who only want me remember all the bad times which can make it even more challenging to look back. My task is to focus on today, and even though things are not all rosy, I am learning to focus at least equally on want goes well each day. I have to find the balance, and I need to practice positive thinking if I want to stop all that mental berating I am used to giving to myself. Like a friend recently shared, there is no way I would want to stay friends with someone who belittled and degraded me as much as I do of my own accord. It is learning to be gentle. To understand that I am not perfect. That I will make mistakes. That I have lots to offer. That I can rejoice in what I accomplish each day. It is also about surrounding myself with good people. Those who lift me up, who remind me of the good I do and the progress I have made. It is an accumulation of many small acts of goodness that have led me along the path of recovery. As I approach a year of sobriety, all those small things are turning into something quite large indeed.

Affirmation Today I will reflect on the small good things that are present in my life because I have chosen to be in recovery.

September 14

”Be happy for this moment. This moment is your life.” Omar Khayyam

It never ceases to amaze me how often I get the urge to simply stop and be. To take deep breaths and taste life in the air around me, to truly look at the world around me and see it as though it is the first time, to hear the music and rhythm in all the sounds that surround me. It is wonderful to be alive, to be content with who I am, as I am, and knowing that my Higher Power accepts me just as I am. There is so much freedom and power in no longer having to be someone or something for others. I am who I am, good, bad, ugly, beautiful, happy, angry, sad, joyful, rich, or poor. The direction of my life comes from the God of my understanding, my serenity, love strength and courage come from within and I feel better equipped to deal with life. Right here, right now, this very instant is the only time I have to work with…it is tiny, minute, yet contains infinite potential. I have wasted too many moments in acting out, in regret for the past or worry for the future. Instead I will just be present, living in the now and try to harness the amazing power that lies within the grasp of each precious moment.

Affirmation Stop. Listen. Taste. Touch. Breathe. Look. Be. It’s great to be alive!

August 21

”It’s a good thing to have all the props pulled out from under us occasionally. It gives us a sense of what is rock under our feet, and what is sand.” Madeleine L’Engle

My vision in life is often quite narrow still, even in recovery. My desire for things to go my way can blind me to possibilities other than the one I want. This is my ongoing challenge, trying to open myself to the will of my Higher Power and relinquishing my own. I need to let go, surrender and let things happen as they will. When I try to force the issue, see my way as the only way, I often close myself to other’s opinions and actions. I try to fit things into my scenario and when they don’t I reject them or see the person as someone who is working against me rather than with me. It is hard to stay focused in the present and worry only about the facts. Trying to understand the motivation of others is an impossible task, yet I still try anyways. My primary goal is to keep working my program and concentrating on the things I can control. As hard as I try to manage my life there are times when the rug is pulled right out from under me. It’s just another reminder of how little control I actually have. I can remember this on a day to day basis as each day is really no different…I don’t require those extreme events to remind me to worry first about myself and my needs and let others take care of themselves.

Affirmation God, grant me the patience, strength and courage to worry about my own thoughts and actions today and to let all others go.

July 29

”Make each day your masterpiece.” John Wooden

Each day is new, unblemished and full of possibility. When I keep to the routine of my program, start my morning with my daily prayer and meditation, and find time for the reminders like the Serenity Prayer, reaching out to other members, reading SAA literature, writing, working on my steps, I increase the chances of staying present to create a work of art that I will be proud of. This is not a claim of false pride but a sense of accomplishment, of a job well done, of a day spent living as my Higher Power wishes of me. When I lose sight of the simple things that maintain my serenity it does not take long to turn my day towards disaster. I need to be vigilant and aware when my thoughts and deeds are leading me astray from the will of the God of my understanding. I can very easily become distracted from the present by focusing on small things beyond my control. I need to give myself mental kicks in the butt to turn my attention back to the here and now. It is equally important for me to end my day the right way. For me that includes not eating too much sugar close to bedtime, going to sleep at a reasonable hour, reading, journaling or reflecting on the day, and closing by giving thanks to God for what I have experienced and discovered in the past 24 hours. It sets me up to get out of the right side of the bed in the morning.

Affirmation Sticking to my routine today may not guarantee success but it will certainly increase my chances.

June 26

”Gratitude looks to the past and love to the present.” C. S. Lewis

My outlook and manner of living my life have changed significantly from when I first discovered the program. Today I look at ways of sharing my talents and abilities with others rather than being focused on solely fulfilling my own wants. In fact, I find there are fewer and fewer things I want and that taking care of my needs is sufficient to keep me going. Even more, many of my wants have now become my desire to help others simply because I can. One of the places in my life where I notice this has changed the most is in dealing with my spouse. Whereas it used to be challenging to get me to help out, nowadays I do things as soon as I am asked or even take the initiative to simple to what needs to be done. It doesn’t matter whose chore it is, who did it last, whatever. If I am capable and have the time to do it then why shouldn’t I? I know I am making a concerted effort to live in the present. By my new understanding of what love is, I have a new desire to share my abilities for the betterment of other, doing service at each opportunity. I also give thanks regularly for all that has happened, good and even not-so-good, to have help me to grow. I find it important to show appreciation each and every day.

Affirmation Today I will practice service by helping out when I can, whether or not it is my job. I can take pride in simply doing what needs to be done.