February 2

”Living well is the best revenge.” George Herbert

Through my in-depth work of my 4th step, one of the patterns that emerged was that of revenge. Recognizing that as a teen I often felt rejected by my peers, by my friends, and even on occasion my parents, I sought retribution through revenge. Yet my revenge in most cases was not direct. In fact, for quite some time, my revenge only happened in my own head, in my dreams and fantasies where I found ways to get back at those by whom I had been hurt. In time, those fantasies could not stay fully confined to my thoughts, so small parts of them moved from the imaginary into possibility – planning and scheming. Eventually even that was insufficient, and some acts then became reality. Gratefully my transition was kept to activities where I was very discreet, and which were not directly targeting people, but their possessions. Yet still, as I have come to understand my motivations, the intent was there to seek some form of retaliation. In fact, in many cases I felt the effect was increased by the fact that the person would likely never know. Gladly, after a good deal of effort in putting the steps into practice, I have a new way to seek revenge for the hurts of the past and the present. The best way I can deal with the times where I feel rejected, ignored, or ridiculed is to continue working my program. By not letting those negative situations derail me, I become a testament to the power of recovery which has taken hold in my heart, my soul, and my mind.

Affirmation

My defects of character do not always have to vanish, but can sometimes be transformed into a healthier way of looking at the world and dealing with life on life’s terms.