October 8

”He who closes his ears to the views of others shows little confidence in the integrity of his own views.” William Congreve

Recovery has taught me that I need to ask for help and that I can benefit by listening to the opinions and advice of others. These are not things that come naturally to me. I grew up being very independent, always taking care of myself, only really ever relying on myself. Somewhere along the way I bought into the idea that asking for help meant I was weak or less than. Life was my own struggle and I had to figure out how to get there by myself. Some of that faulty belief system also trickled into the thought that I was always right, or had to be right. I can see now how for many years I was pretty close-minded. I also see how that attitude was a cover for the fact that I was not all that confident in my own beliefs. Dazzle them with intellect or baffle them with BS as the saying goes. Hmm, just more uncovering of the parts of my former personality. My addiction had a far reaching impact on all aspects of my life. It manipulated lessons taught in life, promoting those that would serve its own purpose, like believing I had to go it alone. Recovery has helped me rediscovery the power of fellowship and community. These are both great gifts that have been a boon to my efforts in turning the page and starting down the better road. There is strength in numbers, and I benefit from the experience, strength and hope of all I meet.

Affirmation

Challenging my childhood beliefs is a necessary step in weeding out those which are false and no longer serve to guide me as an adult.

September 30

”Advice is like snow; the softer it falls, the longer it dwells upon, and deeper it sinks into the mind.” Samuel Taylor

My father used to say that he wished he could beat me over the head with all his wisdom and experience, in the hopes that it would sink in and help me avoid many of the pitfalls of life. He certainly tried hard enough to let me take all his hardships as proof that I did not need to follow similar paths in my own life. Unfortunately it seems that I was destined to learn through the school of hard knocks myself, and have taken the harder, painful road more often than the gentler way. Advice and criticism are still things that are hard for me to accept in my daily life. Somewhere along the way I learned that I was supposed to only rely on myself to get by, which has had the side-effect of making me react adversely to critiques by anyone, even those with the best intentions behind them. Here is a major character defect to turn over to my Higher Power and work at letting go. Being a parent myself, I am more aware how much further a gentle push goes than a hard shove when trying to show my children how to obey and respect the rules and others. The softer way is hard for me to show, only because my own frustration is usually getting in the way. I have to remember that it took me years to learn patience, how to do many of the daily chores and tasks before me, and that my children simply haven't reached that stage of their life yet. Gently, gently as she goes, and all will be well.

Affirmation

I will try to focus on where someone is coming fromwhen they give me advice, it is not an attempt to make me look bad, but to help me because they care about me.

January 14

”Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.” Erica Jong

I think we all have moments like this, where we know what it is we are supposed to do, but because it is a hard decision and it makes us uncomfortable, we ask someone else’s opinion, hoping for an easier way out. I find myself in spots like this all the time, certainly in trying to deal with the repercussions of my acting out behaviour. Repairing bridges and broken relationships is hard, unpleasant work most of the time. It is not easy accepting my part in what went wrong, even if I wasn’t really myself at the time. But part of the healing process requires that I accept the consequences of my behaviours, that I start becoming a living amends for the way things used to be and accept the responsibilities that are part of the life I lead right now. Taking the easy road might work, in the short term, but I have usually found that it just delays me until I come back to the same tough choice. Eventually, if I really want to make things different and move in a new direction, I have to find the courage to jump through the burning hoop of fire, and pray that I don’t get burned too badly. While it is a good idea to double-check my decisions with someone else, hoping for the easy way out is not something that usually is in my best interest. The goal is most often worth the struggle and effort that I need to exert to attain it.

Affirmation I am learning to accept the hard choices which are the right ones and to not to shy away because they require work. My Higher Power is always there to support me.

September 13

”That which is worth doing is worth doing well.” Nicolas Poussin

Perfectionism has long been both one of my character defects and strengths. It is a strength in pushing myself to do my best. But in most cases it is a defect because it leads to the belief that only mine works and it prevents me from seeking advice or help. As I recognize this art of me coming into play I have to stop and question myself. How far do I need to go to have a workable solution that is “good enough?” Who can I ask or where can I turn for help? What purpose does this serve beyond my own satisfaction for a job well done? What am I sacrificing for the perfect answer? Looking to my Higher Power to help me let go of my defect and seeking His guidance to find a positive replacement will help me grow in many aspects of my life. Sometimes I lose sight of the goal while trying to nail down every detail or ignore valuable advice that can save me time and effort. I don’t have to do it all on my own or think my works is any less valuable because I had help. It is not that I need to settle for doing less than my best. On the contrary it is about doing my best without sacrificing time, energy and effort that I can use better on something else. When the task at hand is complete, maybe not perfectly, but certainly well enough, I can move on. Succumbing to my perfection prevents me from completing things and from moving forward.

Affirmation My best can be given without achieving perfection. I need to find balance to keep succeeding in many things.